We originally had plans to go for pizza after church (there is a pizza place here that makes gluten free crust out of Teff flour), but the pizza place closest to church wasn't the one. We will find it and try it another day. So, Mengistu recommended going to a hotel for lunch where we could eat at a buffet or order off the menu. Um, holy cow. It was so fancy, but the food was SO GOOD. It wasn't what you think of when you think of Ethiopia. All the tables had cloth linens with accents of orange and cream. A HUGE chandelier hung in the center, going through the floor of the room we were in and hanging above the lobby below us. It was unexpected and beautiful. It was also delicious. Four of us ate the buffet while Brycen ate a steak he ordered off the menu. After we ate we had "chai" and "buna" (tea and coffee). It was during this lunch we had some very "real" conversations with Mengistu. We were able to ask some questions about Tyson, his past, and his birth mom. Some of the answers were hard to hear, but mostly the answers brought us great clarity on some things we had felt were previously unclear.
The conversation made me realize, again, that our son comes from a hard place. No child comes to adoption without it. Though sobering, it was a great reminder that his head and heart have had to process and grieve so much in 5 short years. I will never know, this side of heaven, all that he has endured. And, admittedly, that is hard for me. But, I am more confident now than ever, being here, seeing him and knowing about him, that God created me to be his mom. Often, parents struggle and feel insecure. I, in no way, am confident I know what I am doing or that I know how to parent him exactly. What I DO know is that God created me to be his mom and I am confident in HIM. As we rode from lunch to the orphanage, I couldn't help thinking about all the challenges and transitions Tyson has already endured. He's a survivor. He's strong. I am glad he doesn't have to be so strong alone anymore. I am grateful, he can stop trying to survive and he can depend on and trust us to help him. I also spent time thinking about his birth mom. Mengistu explained, again, that we will be having a birth family meeting with her while we are here. Due to the protests recently just outside of Addis, we have been prevented from going to visit her. But, before we leave, we will have the opportunity to meet her. As a few of of you know, because I haven't shared it with many people (until now), meeting his birth mom is one part of our trip that I have been the most anxious intimidated prayerful about. I get one shot to ask her questions, to try to extend the love of Jesus, and to try to adequately convey the immeasurable gratitude I have for her. Human words can't do two of the three of those, apart of Holy Spirit. I am not sure what you say to the woman who BIRTHED YOUR CHILD and then had the bravery, compassion, courage, and love to walk him to an orphanage, knowing if she kept him he would die. How do you even express, with only 26 letters in the alphabet, how AMAZING she is? It's a profound kind of love. One that I can't even wrap my head or heart around. With every step she took walking her 3 month old to the orphanage, she knew she was one step closer to never seeing him again. And, I get to meet her. These are the thoughts that occupied my thoughts as we drove to see that bundle of joy she so selflessly held in her arms that February day.
When we arrived no children were playing outside, but it was about 2:30pm, so I knew it was nap time for the younger children. So, I wasn't sure if Tyson would be up or not. We meandered through the orphanage from the back door and made our way to the living room. It wasn't "Britain's Got Talent" playing this time. It was "Sanford and Sons." I mean, really. I can't make this stuff up. We have been asked how they have TV shows. What they have is a TV with videos...some cassette tapes, some downloaded onto discs from YouTube. So, charities or volunteers bring them videos and movies to watch. Anyway... Tyson was nowhere to be seen in the living room among the older children. About the time I sat down on the couch, I saw a sleepy-eyed, just-woke-up boy walk in and curl up on my lap. He gave me a half-smile that I recognized as "I am not awake yet, but I am happy to see you." So, I curled him up, gave him approximately 72 kisses, and held him until he was more awake. Before I knew it, he said, 'Mom, outside." So I asked his nannie if it was ok for us to go outside. She said, "of course." We went out and kicked a (flat) red ball around. Then, we found a small, red American football. Brycen picked it up and asked if Tyson wanted to play catch. He had never thrown one before. If you follow Mark on Instagram (or Facebook), you will see a shot of his first throw. Mark crouched down behind him when Brycen would throw it back, because Tyson wasn't sure how to catch it. While they were passing ball, I was cheering them on and Mengistu came and sat beside me. He said, I think Tyson (though he uses his Ethiopian name) would like it if you added 'yea' after you say his name. This means 'my.' It's very personal. So, what he would hear you say is, 'my Tyson.'" I looked at him and said, "YES! I love that." Mengistu said, "not all children are ready for that. He is." And then, I batted the tears away again. So, the second he threw the next ball and he came to give me a high-five, I said, "My Tyson" (except with his Ethiopian name and in Amharic). His grin was so big and he shook his head "yes." Then he hugged me and said, "my mommy." And, I nearly needed resuscitation. Yes, big guy. I am always and forever your mommy.
Next, Mengistu had THE BEST IDEA. Since today is Hudson's 7th birthday (Happy Birthday, Hud!!!!!), we videoed Tyson singing him Happy Birthday in Amharic and English to Hudson. It was THE SWEETEST thing on planet earth. We have sent those videos to him and we are planning to FaceTime him at 1:00pm his time to watch him watch the videos. Tyson was so excited to know it was Hudson's birthday. Tyson watched himself singing it about 12 times. And he smiled every time. Not to mention I was sitting with him and kept telling him in Amharic how handsome he looked on the video. As we sat watching the video, his nannie came out and sat down beside me. I hugged her and grabbed a list of questions we had thought about that we wanted to know. She was so gracious to answer our questions like, "how does he respond to conflict with the other kids?" and "has he ever swallowed pills before?" and "does he bath alone or with help?" You get the idea. There are so many things we take for granted that we know about our kids that no one else knows. I am trying to learn as much as possible. We rattled off probably 10 questions and she answered them all. Once she stated, "He is number one for his age getting dressed by himself. The only thing he needs help with is washing his face and getting his shoes on the right feet." DONE and DONE. We discussed bedtime routines, morning routines, things that comfort him... just so many things. And, he sat there playing English games on my phone right beside us. I am so thankful he is getting to see us have these conversations together so the dots can continue to connect that she is turning her care over to us. She patted his back as she walked away and said, "I am thankful for you all too. Hopefully he will be somebody." I watched her walk away and thought, "he already is."
We played basketball and chase and chatted. Tyson wore my long necklace around and played in the van. Riding in a vehicle is so unusual for him... he is fascinated by it. He sat on the back seat and buckled the seatbelt (most vans here don't even have seatbelts). So, I had Mengistu explain about his booster seat and wearing a seatbelt in America. He grinned and kept buckling and unbuckling it saying (in English), "in American I do this." Then, Mengistu told him that in America Mommy does most of the driving. He said, "Mommy let's us go." He's super excited about all things cars. As he flipped through my photos on my phone he was especially taken by the photos of our summer trip to Charlotte to visit our friends, Trevor and Ashton. At first I thought he liked the photo with Trevor because it was one our whole family was in (he really can't wait to meet Hudson and Corbin). But, I later figured out it was likely the brightly colored car hauler we were standing in front of with a big red "6" on it. Either way, we will have another Nascar fan on our hands (Go, Trevor, Go)! He really loves cars!
Soon it was time for us to go. We hugged him good-bye, gave him big kisses, and assured him we would be back tomorrow after school. He hugged us and kissed us and told us he loved us. He waved good-bye to us as we drove out of the green gate at the orphanage. That's when I thought, only two more nights of sleeping here, sweet boy. Two more nights.
We came back to the guesthouse and ate a traditional Ethiopian meal. Now, the kids are working on homework and Mark is reading. Tomorrow we will be in the guesthouse all morning (so the kids can do school work) and at 2pm we will go to the Bethany office to have our orientation regarding court. I will leave the details about court for tomorrow. I already CAN'T WAIT.
As I fall asleep tonight, I will be so mindful of all the sacrifices Tyson's birth mom has made, not just for him to survive, but also for us. At one point in our process we needed her to show up to court and it was likely an 8 hour trip for her to come. She likely walked most of it. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves him, otherwise, she wouldn't continue to make a way for him to come to us. I am praying for her to know Jesus, the One who understands her sacrifices and grief like no one else can.
I am also praying for our son, the one his nannie "hopes" becomes somebody. I know God's plans for him are big. I know they are full of grace and to give him abundant life and healing. He's already somebody... he's
My Tyson.
until he's home,
carrie
LOVE!!!! MY Tyson!! So sweet!! Love hearing how you all connect more and more everyday!! Praying for his birth mother as well and for your meeting!!! We love you and are praying!!
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