Saturday, July 16, 2011

"Thank You"

Our house has an even female to male ratio for the first time in, well, since I don't know when. Regan and I stayed up late tonight playing Scrabble and eating ice cream. Such treasured moments. But, I told her we needed to go bed and she was excited because one of the advantages of Daddy being gone is being able to sleep with Mom! We cuddled in bed and she said, "Mom can we talk about my sister for a few minutes? I have some questions." So, I assured her she could always ask questions and we talked. I don't want to go into all the details of her questions, it was such a special, personal 45 minutes for the two of us. But among things we talked about were the wait, the process, travel trips, sharing a room, playing games that don't require the same language, painting nails, her name, etc. I did need to get up from bed due to ceaseless tears after our prayer time together. Regan quickly fell asleep, oblivious she had just taught me a life-changing lesson. Here was her prayer, in part:

"God, please help my sister have a good day today since she is just now getting up. Only You can help her know she has a family who loves her. Help her to also know it is a fun family. Oh and also, let her know she has a bed, a pillow, silly brothers, a Mom, a Dad, and a sister who all love her so much. And one thing I have been thinking about it is that I don't know if I said, 'thank you' today for giving us the money to adopt. Thanks for all our great friends who have helped us, for the fundraisers, and for the money mommy and daddy saved. But, we know you are the Ultimate Provider, so thank you. in Jesus Name, Amen."

Her heart to genuinely see God for who He is and for what He is capable of as well as what He has already done humbles me to my core. I'm just a weepy Momma tonight, overwhelmed with blessing. And to our Jehovah-Jirah, our Provider, we say, "Thank you."

Friday, July 15, 2011

Adopting. Still.

I woke at 4am today to pray with Mark and Brycen before they left for the airport. They are on a team of 17 people from our church going to Nicaragua for 9 days. Brycen has successfully had his first flight from Knoxville to Atlanta this morning and thought to call his mom while he enjoyed his McDonald's biscuit! I am so excited for him and what God has in store for his heart this week as he plays and makes friends with the purpose of talking to children about Jesus (a responsibility he has taken very seriously). When I hugged him this morning I told him I would pray for him everyday and told him the next time I see him he won't be the same. Ever. He looked at me funny and I said, "God is going to use you to change the lives of others. When He does that, He always changes you, too." He smiled big and hugged me one last time. Isn't it just like our God to give us such a double blessing that when we pour our lives out into others He fills up to overflowing? Amazing. But, He is also the same God who is working all over the world. I talked to Brycen about this yesterday: that He can use the team in Nicaragua, use us at home, and still never miss a minute or detail of his sister's life in Ethiopia. He is the God who never sleeps or slumbers and the God who calls us His own once we have trusted his gift of Jesus as our only hope for salvation.

He calls us His own. He adopts us.

I briefly mentioned in a previous blog about a video Mark and I watched about adoption. On the video a man mentioned the fact that the love he has for his adopted children is in no way different than the love for his biological children. Not one ounce. And then he went on to make the correlation that God was clear in His word about His adopting us (Ephesians 1:5) with the assumption that as believers we would understand adoption personally (James 1:27). By understanding physical adoption personally, we understand our own adoption in Christ....therefore understanding, that when we are adopted into God's family He loves us just like He loves His very own son, Jesus. I don't know about you, but the mere thought of that overwhelms me. It often stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears. His love, His ways, His persistence towards us just never gets old.

So, now to our adoption. Our paperwork is in Ethiopia being translated (what kind of person has that much patience?). So, now we just wait. I recently bought a black shirt that simply reads in silver letters : adopting. still.
We have been so blessed with great support that I never get tired of people asking about where we are in our adoption process. It just feels monotonous to keep saying, "Still waiting." I figured I could easily put on the shirt and everyone knows we are, well, adopting. still. That being said, it draws me back to Jesus. When I think about our family growing through adoption, I can see an end in sight (even though I don't know an exact time line). Mark and I may eventually adopt again. But, the fact remains, one day our family will be complete. No more adopting. still.
The fact that God's family is never complete astounds me, but I am so grateful! What if He had declared His family "big enough" before I trusted Him? He is in the constant state of pursuing, drawing, fighting for souls, for more children. He sent Jesus so there would never be a stopping date (until we are all in our eternal state after His reign on earth). As I pray to the God who is global, limitless, timeless, and constant I am praying for the Nicaragua team who are sharing His love to those who do not know Him. This morning as I prayed I reached for my black shirt with silver letters and it hit me! The only reason we can pray and have any confidence and hope that others will find Him this week in Nicaragua is because He is...

Adopting. Still.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Do Not Waver....

It's surreal.

The paperwork we have spent six months on and the forms we have driven all over the state to have notarized, signed, sealed, and verified are en route to Ethiopia. It's hard to believe and it's even difficult to wrap my mind around in a weird way... It's what we've been waiting on for so long, yet it feels like it all happened fast at the same time. It's just... surreal. And exciting. And frustrating. And difficult. And scary. And overwhelming. And bigger than us.

Early in the summer I told Brycen and Regan the three of us were going to memorize the first chapter of James. James is my favorite book of the BIble, full of "ouches" and polarizing commands. That's why I love it. Just when I get prideful and arrogant a few sentences into James and I am humbled and ready to see myself in need of a Healer, again. So we started on James this week. We are memorizing two verses a day and I have been amazed at how quickly the kids memorize it and retain it day after day (it's not that easy when you get older!). But, it has been such a joy to talk to them everyday about what the verses mean. You know, what they REALLY mean... not what I want them to mean or what will fit into my life easily. To hear them ask questions and really grab hold of the words James was teaching believers has blown me away. For so long I have heard the words..."when trouble comes your way consider an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Isn't that hard to even grasp? Perfect. Complete. Needing Nothing. All through the testing of our faith and allowing our endurance to grow.
When I asked the kids about things that might test their faith they gave some great answers. Then I explained that with the adoption there
might be days and weeks and months that go by where we don't see or hear anything. But, it doesn't mean we lose our faith! Regan said, "Yea, Mom. We can't lose our faith at all. God knows and sees our sister all the time. We can't lose faith on that!" I think she gets it. Then I said, "So when trouble comes our way are we supposed to complain or gripe or have a pity party or be selfish or throw our hands up and walk away?" Brycen replied, "No Mom. Choose joy instead. Mr. Kent (our children's pastor) said joy isn't about circumstance. It's about having Jesus." Um, I think he gets it, too.
We spent the next days talking about wisdom and the difference in knowledge and wisdom. As James teaches, we spent one entire lunch around the table talking about asking "our generous God" for wisdom and the fact that "He will give it to you." I, too often, have stopped there, because you know, that fits into my life.... ask God for wisdom and He will give it to me. But, the passage doesn't end there. It goes on to say that "when you ask make sure your faith is in God alone. Do not waver. For a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the waves of the sea that are being blown and tossed by the wind. " Ouch. One phrase continually jumps out at me when the kids repeat these
verses or when it comes my turn to recite them: DO NOT WAVER.

Divided loyalty is obviously a big deal to God. The passage actually goes on to say that a person with loyalty divided between God and the
world should not expect to receive anything from the Lord and that they are unstable in everything they do. Have you ever known someone whose life just seemed blown and tossed by the wind all the time? Unsettled? Unstable? It was great conversation pouring into the kids that though I, nor Mark, have it mastered, God gives us clear direction how to live a life that ISN"T characterized that way: don't be divided in your loyalty. DO NOT WAVER. Even when the timing isn't what I would've hoped for. Even when it gets hard. Even when it feels out of my hands. Even when it's bigger than me. Especially when it's bigger than me. Do not waver.

Initially I thought James would be a great place to start memorizing a chapter because it IS so relevant to life, to living, to relationships. What I didn't expect was to find hidden in those verses a sweet treasure for my heart, my longing heart. Don't be divided in my loyalty to God. No matter what happens, what doesn't happen, what we hear, what we don't hear. Our daughter is His, even more than she is ours. He loves her, even more than we love her. He has known her since the beginning of time, and He knows the number of her days. Even when I cry myself to sleep longing to make sure she is safe, do not waver. Even when no one seems to have answers, He knows every date, every court proceeding, every timeline. Do not waver. When I am tempted to rely on statistics and averages... Do not waver.

As you face "troubles that come your way" I am praying together we can choose to make it an opportunity for joy. It is so much easier to complain, have pity parties, give up. But, in that our endurance isn't fully developed... and our lives begin to resemble an unsettled wave of the sea. Today, with paperwork halfway around the world and a daughter lying alone tonight, my heart is fighting anxiety and worry. And then I remember the words in my heart and I am leaning in tight on them.....

DO NOT WAVER.