Life at the Mckeehan house continues to be full. Transitoning with Tyson also continues to go smoothly. Overall, we just have no complaints at all. He is full of energy and life all the time. I think this month marks the season where he is basically fluent in English and he has a lot to say. He talks and talks and even (occasionally) talks to us about Ethiopia. We often refer to life in one of two ways: "when you were in Ethiopia" or "since you've been home." It's as if that one day, the day we came home, divides his life into "before" and "after." I don't want any of us to forget "before, " to the point that it remains healthy and healing for him, but I definitely love celebrating the "after."
Homeschooling is going really well. There are days it is hard, but that just comes with living right here on planet earth. For the most part, he leaves me in tears nearly every day. One day this past week, I took a discreet short video of him READING to me for Mark to see. Still blows me away. This week has been particularly emotional for me, as I can't seem to get my mind off families still in the wait for their children from Ethiopia.
I have discussed the current state of Ethiopian adoptions with many of you, as we have committed to praying for the government there, the leaders, and the Prime Minister as well as the families still caught in all the political red tape and delays. On April 21st, the Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs suspended all international adoption cases immediately, as they are undergoing a federal audit. This news is devastating. It FEELS like a clear line in the sand. So many people online, or via text, or via email communicating and the end result always tends to be, "Who knows what is really going on or how this is really going to shake out? Or how long it will take?" All good, real questions. And hear me out... I HAVE ASKED THEM ALL. Even in our wait, I would find myself with similar questions. As soon as I would let my heart, or even my mouth, utter those words, I would sense Holy Spirit answering before I could even finish the thought or sentence:
"I know."
All the while, I knew HE DID and DOES know all the answers to all of those questions. For any of us in circumstances that feel overwhelming or uncertain (understatement), He is asking us to trust that He already knows the outcome. These truths do not make the SICKENING "what ifs" any easier to bear in our flesh, but they DO remind us that we aren't walking through it all alone. As I have written about previously on the blog, I am reminded in these days of the Israelites facing the Red Sea to their front and hearing the hoofs of Egyptian horses behind them, coming to recapture them to make them slaves again. DOOM. Nowhere to go. But Exodus 14: 19-21 reads:
"Then the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them, coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel. And there was the cloud and the darkness. And it lit up the night without one coming near the other all night. THEN Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and THE LORD DROVE THE SEA BACK by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided."
He Knew.
The Israelites didn't know the way to freedom, to the Promised Land, because it all seemed hopeless. But, THE LORD (not Moses) parted the sea for them. HE KNEW the way all along, even when to them there seemed to be no way. WAY-MAKER. Even if He hadn't chosen to part the sea and allow them to walk across on dry land, it wasn't a matter of IF He COULD do it. It was a matter of what was going to bring Him the most glory. Another noteworthy segment of these verses is in the very beginning... The angel of God who was going before them.... He was going before them, preparing the way and just when it all seemed hopeless, he moved the cloud that had been leading them to behind them, blocking the enemy's view of what God was doing. I am sitting in this fresh and new right here and now. What (Who) has led us to this place in our calling is the very thing that will protect us from being utterly destroyed by the enemy. For those of us in Christ, that Who is Holy Spirit... Jesus IN us (the HOPE of glory Colossians 1:27). As we follow His leading, we must recognize He leads us to battles that we cannot win on our strength and in our own wisdom. He is guiding, but He is also equipping. And walking step by step with us. And comforting us. And sending us other believers to walk with us, in truth.
There is a very real truth that I have been marinating in over the past year. As the fog of our wait and journey begins to lift and as I look back on it, I have had to ask Him for forgiveness over my lack of framing those years with this one truth: The day I came to faith in Jesus, I died. It was right there, that my identity changed. Romans 6 offers us so much perspective... teaching us that once we come to faith in Christ, we aren't just given a fresh start. We are actually given a new identity, one that no longer even resembles our old life. In fact, Romans 6:4 says, "We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." Romans 6:11 is one verse I have really spent so much time thinking on: "So you must also consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus." So, if this is true (and it is), that means I died at my salvation and I was given a brand new life, not a renovated, better life. A brand new life and it was the life of Christ. As I seek to die to my flesh (Romans 6-8), I choose to live the life of Christ... His will, His way, His words, His responses, His words, His "to-do" list. I died to my own will, way, words, responses, rights, "to-do" lists. With these truths comes great freedom. It means that as we pursue His calling, we do it living His life. And, if it is His life, then He can literally do with it what He wants. Now, as long as we are on planet earth, we will struggle with the remnant of the flesh that still demands its own way. This is when we must surrender our flesh again to the powerful, sufficient, overcoming life of Jesus... not needing salvation over and over again, but needing to die to self over and over again in order that we can walk by the Spirit, not by the flesh. What is so powerful about all of this is that He is before us, knowing the way already, even when to our eyes, we can't see a way. Regardless of your current struggle (and I have them, too), this I know: He is trustworthy. As we choose to live His life, we can trust Him with it, even if the way gets long and dark and lonely. It is of no surprise to me as I study Romans that right in the middle of Paul writing about our dying to the flesh and walking by Holy Spirit, we find these familiar verses:
"For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" " Romans 8: 14-15
He knows.
He knows we can't do this on our own, so He took us in and offers us the distinct privilege of calling Him, "Daddy." He even goes as far as to inspire Paul to use the word "cry," so we would know that in our despair, we can call on Him, because we are His and He knows us.
HE KNOWS US.
Our struggle, our fears, our waits, the clock over our heads, are not lost on Him. He isn't even intimidated by them. This is, afterall, HIS life we live and therefore, we can trust Him with it, regardless of the outcome. I want you to know that I recognize this is easy for me to write on THIS side of our wait. But, the hard, but freeing reality is, these truths impact every single day of our lives, regardless of our circumstances. In the good seasons, it is still His life and He still gets to decide how we respond, what we say, and where we go. In the tough seasons, He gets to decide. There is something so powerful about realizing WE DON'T HAVE TO KNOW because
HE KNOWS.
We DO have the responsibility to allow Him to lead, to surrender our desires to His will and way and timing, but doing it with FULL FAITH that He is trustworthy and good, regardless of the outcome because we are here to steward HIS life. These truths are ones I didn't flesh out well in our wait and I pray it is an encouragement to someone who is "stuck." For many of you, you are stuck between PAIR and MOWA, others between MOWA and court and still others between court and home. Your despair weighs heavy on me and I want you to know, I am shedding literal tears for you. It all seems so senseless. The timing seemed perfect this week as we were driving down the street and I was preoccupied with prayers for families with so many uncertainties. My thoughts were interrupted by Tyson, "Momma, do you know what I love about being in a family?" Me (as I turn down the radio), "What, buddy?" Tyson responded, "Everything." It was in that moment that I knew God was listening. He gets it.
He knows.
It isn't that children don't need families. It is a matter of the Red Sea in front and the enemy pressing in on the back. As the enemy presses in and the waits grow long and wearisome, I am praying each of you waiting parents will sense the angel of God before you and exactly when the cloud that once led you moves to your back to protect you. It is right in these circumstances that we will have the faith to keep raising our hands to Him over the sea and to tell Him that we know
HE KNOWS.
And when the Red Sea parts, we will praise the WAY-MAKER for making a way. Should He choose NOT to part the sea, it isn't because He can't. Or because He doesn't see or know you. Rest assured
HE KNOWS.
As I conclude, I am reminded of Hagar in Genesis 16. She was in troubling circumstances, alone, pregnant by her masters husband, without a job, and most assuredly feeling overwhelmed with hopelessness. But, right in verse 13, she gives God the name, "El Roi," which means "the God who sees me." It can FEEL like He doesn't see or that He has forgotten us or that He doesn't know. Our emotions LIE TO US. So, when you are tempted to listen to those lies, choose instead to replace the lies with truth. The truth is, He sees. He hasn't forgotten.
He knows.
On my knees with you, for you. Until they are home.
