Always.

I am writing from a hotel tonight while everyone else sleeps.  I can't shut my mind down long enough to rest.  My heart is too full.  It's just been one of "those" days.  You know, the kind that goes fast and slow all at the same time?  The kind where you're not sure whether you want to laugh or cry all day.  My heart has been so full of expectation for Passion 2013.  We have spent so many hours in prayer leading up to this week.  So, to hop into the car tonight after finishing up our final Christmas celebration was exciting for the kids and me (Mark arrived in Atlanta yesterday).  Then it happened: the kids fell asleep almost immediately and it was just me and Him.  And it was beautiful.

My mind began thinking while my lips began singing.  I switched off the Christmas music (sad day) and chose to listen to my "White Flag" CD in preparations for Passion.  I wanted to refocus my day on Him, on freedom, on choosing joy.  Almost immediately my mind went to our recent trip to Haiti.  I began praying for so many friends there who are hurting, alone, vulnerable, scared, insecure, and desperate for hope.  I prayed for our sweet friends, Megan and Josh, who live there full-time ministering in Gressier (Respire Haiti). We enjoyed dinner at our house with Megan and Josh in November while they were in the states for a few days.  When we went to Haiti I was excited to see a hand written note on their fridge, colored by one of the kids, that read: Today I Choose Joy.  We have the same thing painted on a canvas in our kids' bathroom.  So, when I commented on it, Josh said, "Yes, I saw it at your house and came here and made that one." And then it became so clear to me that joy really is a choice some days. After being in Haiti, especially, I better understand it. So much physical and spiritual bondage there left an impression on me that will be with me until the oppression there is gone.  Child slaves.  abandonment. sickness. poverty. It can feel so overwhelming, but then I remember it won't be this way forever.  He came to set us free in order that we might help free others.  Singing "White Flag" wasn't just out of routine this time.  I had names and faces of slaves I know, ones our family prays for, and they aren't just a statistic anymore.  They are real kids.  With real pain and with deep wounds.  My heart was drawn to praise while my eyes were drawn to tears. I can praise because He knows and hears.

Always.

As I sang on and tried to really take in every line of the familiar songs, I felt like every line left me undone.  It was as if I was hearing them all for the first time, but with the familiarity that left me able to sing along.  And then I heard it for the thousandth time, but as if the first:  "It will be my joy to say, 'Your Will, Your Way....'" My Joy. Your Will.  YOUR way.  Really?  Let's just be honest and agree that sometimes His Will and His way requires choosing joy.  At least for me.  I can sing it all day long with my arms raised in agreement, but when it comes down to it, sometimes His Will I can accept, but His way is a little harder.  But, the lyric doesn't end there and neither did my heart lesson.  The next word changes it even more.  Every part of it changes.  "It will be my joy to say, 'Your will, Your Way....

Always.'"

Always.  Not just when I like it.  Not just when He does things according to my wishes or my timing.  Not just when things go how I want them to.  Not just when His ways make sense to me.

Always.

In every season.  In every wait.  In every day.  In every interaction. In every calling.  In every attitude.  In every conversation.  In every situation.

Always.

I had to struggle through singing it the first few times as if convincing myself that it was okay to be joyful about His will AND His way.  I am SO thankful His will has led us down the adoption road.  Unbelievably grateful.  There are so many ways to adopt, so many avenues to care for the fatherless.  After all the praying, seeking, and fasting about it, we are humbled to our core God chose us to internationally adopt.  We have many friends adopting, some domestically, some through fostering, and some internationally from other countries.  None are more important than the other, each just done according to His call.  So, in singing it was a great reminder of His will and the reassurance that He called us to this so clearly.
His way.  Sigh.  That part gets a little tougher.  Complaining, rebelling, and growing bitter are certainly options.  As is running from Him and running from all those who are walking the road with us. However, neither are His way.  Running to His arms has proven to be where the only comfort lies.  Continuing to have those who are encouraging us, praying for us, crying with us, and preparing for her beside us is such a sweet blessing to our longing hearts.  It gets so easy to question and to grow weary, to run from what I know is true.  But, in the end, His will done His way is the deepest desire of my heart.  Even when I don't understand or like it.  Choose joy.

always.

I am coming tonight with a heart that is so far from mastering this truth.  I believe it's possible and I believe I am light years from where I once was.  But, when the rubber meets the road and His will and His way differ from mine, choosing joy isn't always easy.  It's intentional.  It's worth it.  It's purposed. It's never wasted.  Never.

By the time the kids stirred 3 hours into the trip, I was singing, "It will be my joy to say,'Your will, Your way. Always,'" with confidence that His plan is good.  With tears streaming down my face and one arm raised in the air (the other carefully navigating the steering wheel).  He spoke so sweetly to my spirit, reminding me that His way is best and His love for me, for us, for her isn't dependent on what my eyes see or my flesh feels.  But on Him... the One who is Sovereign. Sufficient. Good. Defender of the weak.  Father to the Fatherless. Chain Breaker. Heart Healer. Soul Saver. Life Giver. Abundant.
Faithful.

always.

Full of Hope

This is the third time today I have sat to write.  I am not sure if it's my head or my heart that is struggling the most to write.  It isn't that there is bad news or new news.  Perhaps that is the hardest part.  Simply waiting.  For nearly two years we have planned around the "what if we are gone" rationale. As we hung our ornaments last year and decorated the mantel with stockings we smiled, knowing the next time we did it she would be home.  We decided after Passion last year that I would take some time off because "next year" she will be home and the time away for planning would be too much for both of us to be away.

Here we go, again.

It never occurred to me that we would still be in this place at this time.  I am glad I had no idea.  Part of me says it would've made it "easier" to go in knowing it would take this long.  The other part of me trusts that God knew when to hang a veil and when not to.  I recently studied this in a Beth Moore study where she accurately taught, "God is as purposed in hanging a veil as He is tearing one."  No truer words have ever been spoken.  I trust Him and believe the veil that is hanging before us full of "when's, " "why's," and longing is full of His purpose.  In spite of being heartbroken and ready, we aren't hopeless.  I hung her stocking this year with a new hope... one that simply said, "One day, in His time, she will be here to hang this and to wake up to it being full on Christmas morning."  It doesn't make it any easier, but it does focus us on hope.

I am not sure what her days look like or if she longs for us like we long for her.  I don't know if she will like one thing we will place in her stocking this year or how she will respond to the madness on Christmas morning at our house when she is home. I do know, however, that He is knitting our hearts to hers in a supernatural way; a way only He can do.  On the days I wake and find it hard to focus on anything or find it impossible to have a conversation without tears, I can sense Him sweetly saying,

"Here we go, again."

Not as if He is frustrated or annoyed with my tears or my questions, but as if He stands ready to reassure me as many times as is necessary that He hasn't forgotten her.  I am so thankful.  In this season,  the wait is especially difficult.  We know so many who are spending Christmas without someone they dearly love.  Our struggle is much the same.  But, as we wait we haven't lost Hope.  Just like God's chosen people hadn't heard from Him in over 400 years, certain He had forgotten them, they woke to the good news, "For unto you this day in the city of David a Savior has been born, He is Christ the Lord."  Praise Him!  He saw past our wanderings, past our desires, past our mistakes, and past what we deserved straight to what we needed: A Savior.  Hope is never lost on His timetable.

We are grateful to our knees for all of you who faithfully pray for us.  Your prayers are a priceless treasure.  And despite the hanging veil, we are full of Hope and trust that as Christmas draws near He will comfort each part, each heart, each longing.  We are praying your family has a blessed Christmas, full of hope.

"For unto you this day in the city of David, a child has been born, a Savior who is the Christ Lord!"

Eyes

I am writing today with a longing heart, a hopeful spirit, and tear-filled

eyes.

He sees.  He knows.  Our minds can be so deceiving, making us believe what we see with our human 

eyes

is all there is.  When we rely on our own strength we are forced to believe our circumstances are all we have, that they determine our destiny.  The enemy is so good at his game, getting us to believe we are forgotten or forsaken in our hurting.  On Sunday morning Mark made a comment while preaching about God not being bound by our circumstances.  I have thought about it so many times, because it becomes so easy to rely on what we can see with our

eyes.

Today is one of those days I am forced to open the Word, see what He says in order to crush the lies of the enemy.  I am thankful for the reminder that His Truths trump every human emotion (thanks, Beth Moore!).  When I look at my days in the wait they can seem long and overwhelming, but He sees them through His 

eyes.

His eyes see the beginning from the end, the first from the last, the past, the present, and the future.  And, He sees things according to His Word which clearly states:

"The LORD will work out His plans for my life- for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.  Don't abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8

That written, by David, in a season of waiting to be delivered from the hands of his enemy.  His plans were still good, still right, still full, still "on time."  Job even says in Job 23:14, "So He will do to me whatever he has planned.  He controls my destiny." Who could stand more confidant in God's plan in the midst of trials than Job? I find comfort from Jeremiah's prayer, after losing everything because of their idolatry, Jeremiah says, "I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own.  We are not able to plan our own course."  Try as they might, they could not control their own lives. And destruction comes when we scheme to get our way and plan our own course; there is proof over and over again in scripture.  So,  I am leaning in tight today on His watchful

eye.

Trusting it.  Trusting Him.  Trusting His Truths.  Trusting His promises.  Here are a few more, I pray they will encourage you today as I sit encouraged by His love letter to us:

"Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."Jeremiah 29:11

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

"Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have.  For God has said, 'I will never leave you.  I will never abandon you.'" Hebrews 13:5

No matter what your circumstances look like.  Despite how you FEEL.  Regardless of what you can see with merely your

eyes.

He is faithful.  Remember His words in 1 Corinthians 2:9?

"That is what the scriptures mean when they say, 'No EYE has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.'"

We can't see it with our eyes, hear it with our ears, or imagine it in our minds.  I am resting in that today.  I pray you will, too.  If His 

Eye 

is on the sparrow (Luke 12:6), He most certainly hasn't forgotten about any of us, His prized possession (James 1:18).  As I wait to look into her dark 

eyes,

I find comfort and rest in looking into His kind, compassionate, loving, caring, healing, comforting, gracious, peaceful, sympathetic, strong, Sovereign, timely

eyes.

Yet....

Sorry for the lack of posting. Just not a lot of new news to post.

 Yet.

We have been in lots of communication with our adoption agency (as have all families in the Ethiopia program) regarding wait times. There isn't a lot to report that is different, except to say we are approaching 16 months of having our paperwork in country with an average wait time of 18-24 months for a referral for a child over 4 (our preference age is 3-6 years). There was a recent increase in all wait times due to a slow down on the Ethiopian side of things. All that to say: we press on. The days come and go and every day when Brycen and Regan get in the car and ask if we got our referral today I usually say the same thing: not

 Yet.

 Just a couple of days ago Regan and I were talking about different parts of the world and how they live life differently than us. Something she said has stuck with me. She said, "Mom, you know how some of those people don't know Jesus

 Yet?"

 We continued our conversation about going to the "uttermost parts of the earth" to share the gospel as well as sharing with people living right here in Knoxville who do not know Jesus.

 Yet.

 I kept thinking about her question. She hadn't assumed people would NEVER know about Jesus, simply that they didn't

 Yet

 know. I kept replaying it over in my mind. The faith of a child. Isn't it just like them to know when and how to say something that just sticks? I have voiced those words to Him in prayer over the last few days in confession... "Lord, I know it's coming and I need to focus on the

 'yet.'

 It's coming and I trust You with our family." I will admit our spirits are growing more excited with each passing day, knowing we are one day farther down than this road and she is one day closer to home. On the flip side, we also find ourselves tearful and longing many days, knowing our girl is out there wanting a forever family. In the meantime, I will repeat it a thousand times because it is so true, I wouldn't trade anything for what the wait is growing in us as a family as well as individually. Our kids are certainly learning that waiting on God is real. That His timing is different than our timing sometimes and just because you could change things to speed it up doesn't mean you should if you are still doing what He called you to. They are learning about waiting on Him because He hasn't finished this chapter in our lives.

 yet.

 I am learning it, too. In a world where nearly everything happens fast and we hate to wait for much of anything, learning to be patient and to trust, really trust, Him is such a valuable attribute. Even Corbin this past week said, "We don't know when Lakin will be here from Africa. We just know we love her." Yes, we do. And she will know it, too, just not

 Yet.

 The reality of having another child around here seems to be setting in more and more as days and weeks pass. We find ourselves planning things including FIVE kids rather than four. We each have our own stories about what Lakin has already taught us despite the fact we haven't seen her face, heard her voice, or kissed her cheeks.

 Yet.

 Thank you for your prayers, calls, emails, texts, and love in the waiting. We are forever grateful. And we look forward to a post coming soon to share with you our travel plans! It's coming! Just not quite Yet.

Home

Home. Such a small word packed with so much meaning and emotion. On the one hand you don't have to explain it, because the word says it all. On the other hand there are so many things that are embodied in "home" we could use up all the ink in the world trying to describe it. Just yesterday I woke with Lakin on my heart and mind. Some days are easier than others when I can simply think, "this waiting is part of the process." Still other days I wake and find it hard to put one foot in front of the other because of the distractions of her... her safety, her health, her circumstances. We have reminders of her all over the house (bunk beds, empty peg for backpacks and jackets, Christmas gifts still in boxes, clothes packed up from her big sister, etc). So yesterday I talked to Regan about cleaning out her room in an effort to have one thing off the "to do" list for when the call comes. Next I moved to the laundry room to reorganize and move the kids "drop-off station" to the hallway rather than the cramped laundry room. While cleaning out the laundry room I found tucked in a plastic bin a banner that stretches a few feet long and reads: Welcome Home. Home. I let my eyes fix on the word for a second and ran my fingers across each letter. Tears filled my eyes and I sat in the floor looking around at our Home. Filled with laughter, outbursts of tears over someone not sharing, empty beds, leftover food, and enough love to go around and pour out, I had to wonder if any of this would be familiar to her. Probably not. What is so "normal" to us and what we find to be such blessings are going to be totally foreign to her. She has nothing in "her world" to compare "our world" to. It's overwhelming to take in and to think through. Merging these two worlds will start and stop here: Home. Our longing for her doesn't take away from our certain, steadfast, confidant faith that God's timing and sovereignty are perfect. We fully believe His plan is perfect for us, for her. However, He gives us the innate desires, the longing, in order to push us to trust Him more. He understands longing for children more than anyone. He understands it fully, without distortion of Truth or influence of attitudes, emotions, or others. He longs to see each one come to faith in Him alone, for each one to follow Him wholeheartedly. His longing for each heart and life was so great He sent Jesus to offer a way to restore us, in order that He could have a relationship with us. Longing is painful. He knows it well. And He has even gone now to prepare a place for us, those of us who are Christ followers. He has gone to prepare for us a Home. As we work to get things ready around here for our new addition I am trying desperately to let these things be tangible reminders for me of how Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me. We are fooling ourselves if we think He doesn't long for us to see it. Just like sweet Lakin has nothing in her life right now to compare to what she will have here, try as we might to explain it in mere words, we, too have something waiting for us that we can't fathom. His word has painted beautiful pictures of what awaits us, but I have a feeling our minds can't conceive it because we have nothing in this world to compare it to. So we, too, wait for our permanent Home. Lakin's first physical home is Ethiopia. We are honored to give her a permanent home. As believer's, our first home is here, planet Earth. But, our permanent home is Heaven, being prepared for us even now. I pray as we walk out these days in the wait we will be diligent to point others to Him and His pursuit of us. It brings me to my knees in tears to even consider that our Father waits for us with this kind of passion and longing to show us what He has for us: Our Home. So, I am off to buy initials to hang over each of those pegs at the "drop-off station" for the kids. One peg per kid. One initial over each one. But one hangs empty and waiting. The first time she walks in, recognizes her initial, realizes it's all hers, and hangs up her bags and coat I will cry. I will know she knows she is home.

No News Isn't Good News

You know the old saying, "No news is good news?" Well, not always. In adoption, no news is just that: nothing new. Our agency is great about sending accurate, detailed weekly emails regarding the status of waiting referrals, changes in Ethiopian laws regarding adoption, changes in timelines, etc. We are fully aware of how blessed we are to have a Christian agency representing us and are grateful for their prayers on behalf of our family as we wait. Every time the phone rings with a new number my heart skips a beat. We still wait. I am at a loss as to what to write that is more than just: please keep praying for our daughter's safety, provisions, and well-being. Mother's Day in the waiting is tough... Yet, I look around at the blessings beside me and suddenly the 4 kids who call me "Mom" made the day perfect and memorable. I allowed myself to dream about the day when all our kids are in the same country, speaking the same language, reading the same books, eating at the same table, having the same last name. I don't know how many kids that will ultimately be or from what countries they will all come. I do know,however, I have one on my heart and mind and she has a Mommy who loves her so. Thank you for your prayers for her, for us, for our children, and for our extended family/friends. The wait grows tough for us all. I have a friend that I rarely call, but usually text. Every time I call I hear, "did you get your referral?" instead of "hello." I never want to forget that you wait with us. That you long with us. That you pray with us. We are grateful. For now, no news isn't good news, but we know for sure today is one day closer!

He Waits, too

Having recently completed in-depth studies through the book of Daniel and through Esther, I am forever amazed at God's attention to detail in His timing. From the "seven seven's and the sixty-two sevens"mentioned in Daniel to the days leading up to Esther's gaining the crown to the years between becoming Queen until she declared, "If I die, then I die" on behalf of her Jewish people. It's all a mystery to me how He orchestrates and plans, perfect and precise in every detail, in every day, in every wait. Through these studies and our current circumstances I have read more about seasons of waiting in scripture than I even knew existed- even His wait to the cross, knowing it was surely coming. In all of that I am grateful to serve a timely God and to know

He waits, too.

Saturday night I was putting the little boys to bed and Hudson wanted to sleep with Brycen while Corbin wanted to sleep with Regan. So, I tucked Hudson in and as I was just sitting beside him on the bed Brycen came and playfully "tackled" me onto the bed, resting his head on my chest. Then, as I instructed him to go on and get ready for bed he said, "Mom, when are we going to get a referral? I have missed Lakin so much today." Sigh. Grateful his head was on my chest and he couldn't see my tears I swallowed hard and prayed for wisdom and words. I simply said,

"He waits, too."

I sat in silence for a few seconds collecting myself and then tried to explain to Brycen all the timelines, processes, averages, and where we stood in all of that according to "the system." Then, I tried to explain to a 9 year old what can be difficult to flesh out for this 34 year old, and that is this truth:

He waits, too.

I explained to Brycen that just like I, as his mother, want him to drive one day, go to college or the career God has for him, have a wife and children, and fulfill the purpose God has set before him, I can't go out now and buy him a car, college textbooks, or rent his wedding tux. He simply isn't ready. There is a lot he has to learn before he is ready for the responsibility and he has some growing to do before he can handle it all. Just like I am looking forward to all those new adventures with him, I am waiting for those things with him, not keeping them from him with a malicious heart. I am not dangling those things out in front of him to taunt him or provoke anger, simply waiting. In just the same way,

He waits, too

with us. In my mere human words I tried to help Brycen understand that God isn't withholding from us to be mean or to produce bitterness in us. He knows the perfect time and we still have growing to do before we are ready for her or before she is ready for us. I tried to help him understand that knowing all of that and fulling believing it doesn't make it easy, but it does make it purposed. It doesn't make the longing go away, but it does push us to seek His heart and His ways over what we can see with our human eyes. Brycen took it all in and seemed to "get it," particularly excited about the part that God, above all, is our Loving Father, waiting with us.
I really believe this truth and have found Him to be so faithful in days, weeks, and months that pass. His word continues to encourage me and His steadfast love continues to prove trustworthy. The wait, though hard, is pushing us past what we were capable of in our own strength and forcing to rely on His strength more than ever before. Waiting on Him renews our strength. Nothing else. I really love where God has each of us on this journey and I am grateful that Brycen voiced his feelings. It was another reminder to me of how God is working, setting in motion what is to come, even when it feels so far away.
As information is passed along to us we try to keep it "close to our hearts" not relying on statistics or averages and certainly not asking anyone else to on our behalf. We do believe the wait time to get matched with a daughter (our referral) will be longer than we thought even after knowing it had been extended. His will. His way. Not one day goes without His watchful eye. Not one tear goes without being noticed, not one heartache without a Healer. It brings me such comfort to know that I have a Loving Heavenly Father who longs for the day for our sweet girl to be home with us. As we wait and pray, grow and learn, long and dream, we know He is there and

He waits, too.

"Greater Grace"

Well, I never intended there to ever be a time I would wait six weeks between posts. I also never expected this journey to be so hard. I thought I knew it would be hard and I think I even thought I was ready for it. Wrong. So, there isn't a ton to update regarding our sweet princess living in Ethiopia. Our only "new" news is simple: it's still gonna be a while. But, in the meantime, I continue to be humbled and blessed by God's faithfulness to grow us, teach us, stretch us, and wait with us. If you follow the blog much or if you have for long, you know the kids and I were working hard to memorize the book of James over the summer. The book of James is never far from any conversation I have whether it's with a friend, family member, the kids, or myself. It's been my favorite for years. Other important parts of my life are leading the Stay-at-home-mom's Bible study weekly in our home. Twenty-plus moms and their kiddos invade our house every Thursday morning from 9am-11am. The kids head downstairs where faithful. patient, sacrificial childcare workers await them so the moms can remain upstairs for Bible Study. We have always done Beth Moore studies from journeying David's life, to Esther, to Breaking Free.... we are starting our sixth semester together in just 2 weeks! Boy was I excited to learn that Beth Moore's newest study was on the book of James! It has been such a great study for my life in this waiting season. I am nearing the end of the study so I can be fully prepared and ready for those stay-at-home-mom's when they enter the house. But this morning, I had to reread my Bible Study page repeatedly. Tears streaming down my face I first read James 4: 4-6 (NLT):

You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy with God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the Spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy? But He gives us more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but favors the humble."

Back in the summer I had written a blog post called, "Do Not Waver." It was about my struggle in that season of the adoption journey to constantly force myself to not have a divided heart as James warns in James 1. It had become easy to lean on statistics, averages, and "possibilities" more than leaning on Him with an undivided heart. The passage this morning hit me the same, as did one a few days ago from James 4:2, "You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it." I really sat and thought about that verse for what seemed like hours. Of all the days I think of our sweet girl and all the hours I dream about life with her. Of all the days my mind won't focus due to distraction on the other side of the world, of all the sleepless nights crying out on her behalf, of all the conversations about her.... I was forced by the two-edged sword to ask myself, "how much of that time is spent asking Him for her to come home?" Of course, I pray for her and I pray for a miracle in regards to the timetable. I pray for her safety, her emotional stability, her heart to know she is loved. But, in the bigger scheme of things do I spend MOST of the time in waiting in prayer to the ONE who knows her best? The One who is the Day Planner? The One who moves Mountains? It was humbling. And freeing.

But, greater Grace? This hit a part of me that was tender and vulnerable. As a pastor's wife and Bible study leader I work hard to be authentic in all situations, to all people. Fail miserably at times, but my intent is never to be someone other than who God made me to be. In that, it becomes easy to say with my words and even believe that His Grace covers every situation if I allow it. His Sovereignty reigns and He is the Ultimate in light of timetables. He knows. But, to live that out in my words, thoughts, and war waged in my mind has grown so tough. There are days this whole process feels like a story of wishful thinking. Almost as if it isn't ever REALLY going to happen. I stop myself from thinking about the day the call comes or the day I hold her for the first time or what gifts we will leave with her until we return to bring her home because it gets so hard. The wound is open and deep.

But, then steps in Greater Grace.

Not Greater Faith. Not Greater Hopes. Not Greater Plans. Not Greater Coincidences. Not Greater me. Not Greater Mark. Not Greater adoption agency.

Greater Grace.

That changes everything. Here is the excerpt that pushed me to my knees this morning. It's taken from Beth Moore's, "Mercy Triumph," page 140:

"He gives greater grace......Think of all that weighs on you: yesterday's regrets, today's demands, tomorrows plans. Let the pitcher become the cup, and don't just agree to be filled. Sink yourself in those five words until your fears of failure, inadequacy, unforgiveness, and insufficiency drown.
Don't come up for air until those fears lay lifeless and cold on the bottom of the sea. Let Jesus lighten your burden until you float to the top, youth renewed, heart restored. He is enough. Let me say that again: He is enough. When you need more, you will have more. When your woes are great, His grace is greater. When our sins are vast, His mercy is deep. We cannot exceed Him. We cannot outrun Him.
Those five words from James 4:6 are life to us. Without them, we would destroy ourselves and destroy one another. The crown of earthly thorns pierced the tender face of grace and by His wounds we were healed. But, why, believer, do we have so much grace yet live in so much lack?"

sigh.

I am choosing to recognize His grace is greater. His grace IS greater, whether I see it or not... so why live as if He isn't enough? Doesn't even make sense to MY small brain, much less anyone else's. This journey is hard. It is long. It is full of more questions than answers. It is out of our control. It is tearful. It is hard. But His grace is greater than all of that. Combined. I want to show a world desperate for hope, answers, freedom the God of the Universe who is healing, bondage-breaker, life-giver. Even in the tough stuff. In my flesh that is impossible, but living in greater grace nothing is impossible.

Nothing.