Lasts

Lasts.  It's been on my mind all day.  As we woke this morning and eased into the day, I kept wondering what Tyson must be feeling or thinking, knowing tomorrow is THE day.  Court day.  It's our GOTCHA DAY and it's TOMORROW.  I am alone in our guest room, as Mark and the kids throw football outside, and I am a tearful mess. I think Mark sensed I was on the verge of crying and wanted to give me privacy and a place to do that.  The emotions going into today were excitement, as we knew we had our court orientation and a few legalities to take care of in way of paperwork and Visa info, etc.  We had a lazy morning in, except for Brycen and Regan doing their school work.  We knew tomorrow would be long and busy, so they did today and tomorrow's work this morning. At 2pm, Mengistu picked us up and drove us to the Bethany office.  It was a bit surreal to walk into the office, knowing this was the place and these were the people who had tirelessly, effortlessly, and sacrificially done the paperwork on the ground to make this adoption possible.  They have fought for us and for Tyson more than we will ever know.  We tried to express our sincere, deep appreciation and pray they were able to sense how genuine we were.  We sat in a small room with two long tables and 10 chairs.  We were the only ones in there for a few minutes, and then Tesfahun (works for Bethany) joined us and went over what we should expect at court in the morning.  He explained that the whole process will likely only take 5 minutes.  FIVE MINUTES.  Which, I am grateful for, as I will probably be ready to bust out into tears THE ENTIRE DAY.  Our appointment is scheduled for 9am (2am your time).  After court orientation we completed (more) paperwork, paid for Tyson's visa, and received Tyson's LifeBook from our agency.  The LifeBook is a disc of all the interviews with his birth mom that happened during investigations (from Ethiopian government as well as US immigration) as part of the adoption process.  This will be a disc that will tell him about his story and he can, for himself, hear and see what his birth mom's circumstances were and what led to his being relinquished.  We are going to watch it tonight.  I am sure I will need a lot of tissues (thank you, Bethany Gentry, for sending us with plenty!).  Next, we were able to meet with his social worker, Meselu, again.  She answered a few of the questions we had regarding his past.  It seems his story is one that is quite different than so many others we have met or that we continue to hear about.  We are thankful he seems well adjusted now and know that will aide in his transition to us.  After we talked with Meselu, the nurse for Bethany came in.  She discussed with us that "he is a healthy boy who rarely gets sick."  She told us about his current weight (44 pounds!) and height (41 inches).  She talked to us about his immunization history and what to expect at the VISA medical exam (required for him to get a US VISA).  When we finished with her, we headed to the orphanage.
When we first entered the gate, Tyson saw us, but he seemed more shy.  It took him a few minutes to seem as happy, though he greeted us all with hugs.  We asked Mengistu if something was wrong or if he was sad.  Tyson replied that he had not gone to school today because his nannies thought we would be there early.  Poor thing had been waiting on us all day!!!  We thought he was at school all day.  It was just a miscommunication and we made sure he knew what time we would be there tomorrow.  Mengistu also said that it is likely his nannies have been having conversations with him about his leaving and how they will not see him again.  He seemed very contemplative all day, which is totally understandable and good.  He finally went to play basketball with Regan and Brycen after putting Mark's watch on his arm.  He loves our watches.  While they were playing a worker from the orphanage came out and gave him a small Ethiopian flag on a stick.  He loved it... he held it and twirled around.  He didn't want anyone to touch it.  It seemed like a very special gift to him.  While he was walking around with his flag, some of the boys were running around us.   One of them snatched Regan's water bottle out of the side pocket of her backpack.  I didn't even know Tyson was paying any attention, but as soon as it happened, he ran toward those boys!  It was instinctual.  He retrieved the water bottle back and worked so hard to put it right back in her side pocket of the backpack.  I stood with tears in my eyes to see how he already feels like protecting her.  He put his beloved flag down in order to aide her.  It was powerful and such a huge moment for us of seeing that he knows he already belongs to us.
As the visit progressed we were able to video him singing a few Christian kid songs he has learned in the orphanage.  We pray long-term these will be a blessing to him to have. We did have one question we hadn't asked yesterday (thought of it in the night) and that was what he was afraid of (we had already established he is afraid of big dogs, but past that we didn't know).  Turns out he immediately replied (in Amharic to Mengistu), "if I go in a room and the lights are out and someone shuts the door I would be afraid."  Noted.  And so would I.
The longer we sat there and the more I observed, the more I realized that we have no idea what he must be feeling.  Since he didn't go to school today, it is likely he won't go tomorrow, so he has had his last day of school here.  There is one friend that he is particularly close to and today was there last full day to play together.  I am committed to praying for that friend as Tyson leaves.  It must be so lonely and hard to watch your friends (that seem like brothers) leave.  Then, thinking about his sweet nannies.  The thought of them helping him with his shoes or his shower each day, knowing their time with him is coming to an end.... and the conversations they must be having with him, knowing they will never see him again.  This is the only house and "family" he has ever known.  At one point in the visit, Mengistu asked him if he was happy or sad today.  He replied, "I am very happy.  Tomorrow I get to leave here."  That made me feel good, but I also know that involves a lot of grief for him.  He has no idea how drastically different his life is going to be.  But, it made me aware that he knows tomorrow is a big day and that means one thing:  tonight is his last night sleeping in an orphanage.  Ever.  The reality of all it is overwhelming to me.  I can't imagine how a five year old is supposed to process it all.  It seems, to me, that most of these lasts for him likely carry a banner of being bittersweet.  It is impossible for him to know the "sweet" and the lasts have to be full of uncertainty.  As I have noted before on previous posts, adoption is a story of grief. As much as we know we can provide more opportunities, stability, family, love, education, etc, to a child who has only known living in an orphanage, they don't trust that.  Their lives have been spent surviving.  So, adoption isn't necessarily something they all sit and dream about.  Furthermore, it isn't something most of them get, so the hope of being adopted is one they don't let themselves dream about often.
Yet, here we are.  This time tomorrow he will officially be a McKeehan.  I can't even.... After court, we have plans for the whole day and we will end our day (at 5pm) going to the orphanage for Tyson's farewell ceremony (cue the tears).  He will wear traditional Ethiopian clothing (that he gets to keep) and all the other children will be present.  The nannies prepare a traditional coffee ceremony and his social worker and Mengistu will join us as well.  These ceremonies are a big deal, as it is his last time to be in the orphanage with these people he loves and who love him.  Those will be his last moments of not knowing what it means to be in a family.  His last hugs and kisses and songs with his friends and nannies.  But, it will open  up so many firsts.  I can't help but sit back and consider how all of this is a story of pure redemption.  What the enemy set out to destroy, God has redeemed.  God sets the lonely in families and pursues us just like this, even while we are in our sin unaware of Him.
As the gavel falls tomorrow morning, the judgement is final.  He will be ours.
With hearts of gratitude and joy, we will lay our heads on our pillows tonight because one very important last is behind us:
our last goodbye.
As we pulled out of the green gate today I said, "That was our last goodbye forever."  For me, this is the most important last of the day.  REDEMPTION.  Find yourself in this story.  It's God's story.  The day we come to faith in Jesus, the gavel falls, declaring us His child.  And, oh how His heart must swell, knowing He will never leave us and we will never be alone again.
As I close tonight, I am mindful that this is my last post as an (official) mom to 4.  It's a last I welcome.  Bring on the firsts.

we love you. thank you for joining us as we walk through so many firsts.  And so many lasts.

until he's home,
carrie