LifeBook

It's nearing 9pm and we have had a relaxing day in the guesthouse all day.  Our agency planned us an "off day" since it's our first full day with Asnake (we don't call him Tyson yet.  So it's either Akuye or Asnake for now).  He woke at 6am and I hardly slept.  I kept waking, walking to his bed, and looking to make sure he really was here, with us.  So, when he started to stir this morning, I went right over, crawled into his bed and we told each other "good morning."  He got up and then I finally encouraged him to get into our bed between us for a few minutes (I mean IT'S 6am).  It was super sweet, but in about 5 minutes he said, "Mom, wake up!"  He climbed out of bed and pointed to the clothes he wanted to wear today.  Turns out it was his "officially a McKeehan" shirt made by his cousin, Megan.  He wanted jeans and black high-tops.  As I have noted before, he is very disciplined...he brushes his teeth, washes his face, and lotions himself without having to be told.  By 7:10 this morning we were outside kicking a soccer ball.  It was chilly, so just after going out, he said, "Mom, spiderman jacket, please."  So, off I went back upstairs.  By the time I got back down with the jacket, he had grabbed Mark's coffee and was wearing part of it on his new shirt.  SO, back up to the 2nd floor to change (thankfully, I soaked it immediately with detergent in our kitchenette sink and it all came out! Thankful for washing my hand experience in Haiti).  This time, he chose a neon orange superman shirt.  By then, it was breakfast time and he ate toast, but didn't really eat any of his eggs. Noted.

The rest of the day involved playing games, building with blocks, playing cards with Regan, working on English and math, watching movies, and listening to music on his iPod.  The day seemed longer than the others, just because it started so early, but also because we didn't have plans to go anywhere. Being here all day brought out a few of the expected issues with testing boundaries, but learning to be in a family will do that.  He can't know what a family is all about without testing boundaries to know how our particular family works.  Overall, today went better than expected, as we had prepared ourselves for tears or meltdowns or defiance, which are all normal and common at this phase.  So far he hasn't cried the first tear in our care.  He giggles a lot (right now as a matter of fact!).  He obeys for the most part and really is (seeming) to want to figure out what it's about to be a McKeehan. For lunch he ate leftover injera and tibs (traditional Ethiopian dish) from our take-out last night.  After lunch we tried to get him to nap (which on days with no school he was used to), but he never fell asleep.  He did stay quietly in his bed, but he was distracted by his blue flashlight and the fact that Brycen and Regan were downstairs in the living room playing.  You can't win all the battles on day 1.  But, we made progress on several things and now we say, "families stick together" so he knows to stay close to one of us without running ahead of us.  
After "nap time," we went to the living room/dining room area of the guesthouse.  It's open and large and we played cards and kicked around a small soccer ball.  He worked a puzzle with Mark and sang (in English) "Good, Good Father" spontaneously all day long.  Then, we came up and worked on English and math.  He already knows how to count to 20 in English and recognizes all those numbers.  His handwriting is quite good and he is eager to learn.  He identified (in English) fish, cats, cows, flowers, lions, many zoo animals, all the shapes, colors, alphabet, and numbers.  Yes, he's a genius.
When dinner rolled around, I made his plate and set it on the table and quickly realized he either doesn't like rice, or he didn't want any tonight.  No big deal, that plate became my plate and we all live to see another day.  While we were walking down the stairs to dinner he held up his fingers (like I do to him when I am explaining his choices or what we are going to be doing.  Thank you, Karen Purvis for being BRILLIANT in regards to to bonding, helping prevent meltdowns, etc.  Her curriculum for adoptive parents has been a lifesaver).  Anyway, he held up one finger and said, "Mom, after we eat, shower, and then (now holding up two fingers), pajamas and movie."  I agreed because it sounded like a fantastic plan to me.  I know showers for him everyday aren't good (for his hair and skin), but when your first warm shower of your life was yesterday am I going to prevent you from having another one today. Um, NO.  So, here we went again... I helped give him his shower again and with less tears in my eyes I was able to take note of things I didn't know.  Like, he has a birthmark on his chest and an "innie" belly button, things I haven't known until today.  He wants to wear a t-shirt under his pajama shirt and he loves having lotion all over (something he didn't have often at the orphanage).  Finding out these things contributed to my persist thoughts about his birth mom today. More on that later.
If we counted right, he brushed his teeth 5 times today.  I figure there are way worse things he could've done today, so we gave him a resounding, "Gobez" every time.
After he was all clean and wearing his cozy pajamas, something super fun happened.  I can't put my finger on what it was exactly, but it's like he just realized that it was now or never... he had a normal body function happen.  Loudly.  We all busted out laughing!!  And from then on it was giggles upon giggles.  He had Brycen and Regan laughing and they had him laughing so hard he couldn't catch his breath.  It was sheer joy to sit back and watch it unfold right before my eyes.  And the sounds of their playing and laughter together is nearly more than I can handle.  As of now, he and Brycen are both in his bed.  He's fast asleep and Brycen, like the rest of us, can't take his eyes off of him.  It's just so tender to me to see.
As the day progressed, and I watched this handsome, smart, courteous, funny personality come out, I couldn't help but to be drawn back into this past Monday night.  I mentioned that while we were at court orientation, Meselu gave us Asnake's LifeBook DVD.  I left the details of it out on purpose that night.  I just couldn't quite process it yet.  As the days have passed and I have thought back over the contents of the video, I wanted to share some of it with you.  A LifeBook DVD is made by our agency and includes all the videos of birth family that have been done throughout  his adoption process (there are many investigations by both governments to ensure consistency and that his story is the truth).  The video starts out so benign with general information regarding Ethiopia as a whole.  Then, Meselu's voice begins talking specifically to Asnake.  It changes from stock photos online to a video of driving down a narrow, rural countryside road.  And Meselu explains that this is the town and road Asnake's birth mom lives on.  About that time, the camera shows a young, beautiful woman walking toward a gate.  And, she took my breath away.  He looks exactly like her.  She entered that small gate and we learned this is where she lives and works.  She is a maid in a town close to where she grew up.  She is able to work and live there.  Right now, she is going to school (she's in 7th grade now, but in her 20's).  We did learn her actual age when he was born, something we had only guessed about by looking at photos and reading his story.  I am going to leave much of the details of that part out.  Ultimately, this is his story to tell and I want to respect that.  But, the interviewer asked her SO MANY QUESTIONS.  Ones I may have never thought to ask, but I am so grateful to have her answers.  Guess what?  He was born on a Sunday night at 8pm after a beautiful sunny day.  These are the details few children get in international adoption and one of the reasons in Ethiopia it takes so long to adopt right now.  These types of interviews and investigations are TRYING to prevent trafficking and agencies from paying moms for their babies so the agency can profit (yes it happens all over the world).  So, I am forever grateful to have her answers.  TO SEE HER FACE.  Y'all.  It was more than Mark and I could take.  We weren't sure what to expect when we put that DVD in, but I know it exceeded every exception I had.  She described him as a baby and said he cried a lot, but she went on to say, "but because I was so young, I didn't really know what to do for him."  She described her family and siblings and the fact that her dad passed away when she was a child, leaving her mom as a widow farmer unable to make enough to send her to school as a child.  So, now that she is old enough to work (and has been working in this capacity since she was 15), she works to pay for herself to go to school while also working full-time.  HOW AMAZING IS SHE?  She described making the decision to relinquish him and who was with her.  All along we thought he was 3 months old.  Turns out, he was 6 months old.  A momma doesn't forget.
The interviews went on to include interviews with Asnake's maternal grandmother... a beautiful woman who appears to have lived a hard-working life.  They (she and two of her children) live on a farm her husband ran, but since she is widowed she has a job cleaning streets to try to make enough to eat.  There were videos of his maternal uncle and confirmation that he has a maternal aunt as well.  It is such a gift to us.  Perhaps the part for us that was the most unexpected and tender was when the interviewer asked his birth mom, "If you could say something to his adoptive parents what would you want to say?" I literally put my hands over my mouth, tears streaming, and said, "Oh my goodness."  WHAT A GIFT.  Her reply was sweet and sincere and simple, "I pray to God he will give them strength and provision to raise him properly."  Her prays are so special to me....like, I can't express how much they mean.  And, when we are able to meet face-to-face I can thank her for her willingness to give us the honor of "raising him properly" with God's help.
With every stroke of his pencil across those letters or numbers today, I had her on my mind.  I want to serve her well by stewarding him well.  Her sacrifice is not lost on me as I look into his eyes and watch him learn.  This is what she wanted for him and now I know that FOR SURE.  She is getting what she wanted, but at the cost of her own heart.  She speaks of her love for him multiple times in the video.  Her mother even echoes the same heartbeat saying, "I love him.  He's my grandson."  Yes, he is and we are honored to walk this road out never forgetting where he came from and that God's plans are so big for her.  With grace and mercy, we desperately long to honor her with the way we love him (Asnake)  and the way we love Him (God).  This life isn't our own.  And as we continue to let Him piece together the pieces of Asnake's life, we are humbled and grateful that He lets us in on it in even the smallest of ways.

until WE'RE home,
carrie