"Met in Thee Tonight"

Who knew? Who knew we would still be waiting to see a picture, know an age, see a face belonging to our daughter? He knew. He knows.

It's often I have to remind myself that just because we haven't received a call yet doesn't mean we are forgotten. I even grab my Bible or hit my knees somedays for the sole purpose of replacing lies with Truth: He knows, He cares, He is receiving the most glory this way. It never occurred to me a few months ago that we would celebrate Christmas, again, without knowing who our daughter is. As the days have turned to weeks and as Christmas week has come, I feel like every day is a fight to not grow weary and discouraged. The prayers of faithful friends and family are sustaining us and reminders of their prayers come at the most appropriate times. Yesterday seemed particularly hard for some reason. I fought back tears numerous times and even gave way to them a time or two, just missing our sweet, lonely child that remains faceless.

I did my "normal" things in the day of laundry, dishes, feeding hungry kids, working out, and getting everyone ready for a special Christmas service at church last night. What happened to me there was anything but "normal." We began by singing the traditional Christmas songs and the candles were lit around us as we sang. Then, as we sang "O Little Town of Bethlehem" my heart found peace and rest in a line that had grown too familiar:

The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight.

My eyes filled with tears and suddenly the birth of Christ took on a fresh, new meaning. I have known my entire life that Christ came to live a perfect life in order that He would die for our sins. I have known that Him coming is the one and only bridge that had the ability to span the gulf lying between me and the God of the Universe. Yet, I had somehow missed that in that manger laid the same One who holds all my hopes and fears. In Him they are all planned out, orchestrated, being fine tuned, and one day will be perfected. I have sang it a thousand times or more, yet the words resonated with my heartbeat last night, the heartbeat of being fearful Uand sometimes feeling like hope for our daughter will never really come. He spoke to me in that moment, reminding me He knows I am afraid and He knows I need hope for the years to come.

The Hopes. The hope that she will one day find and know the One who holds every answer, that she will grow to believe that her past, present, and future are all designed for His glory, that she will immediately know and trust our love, that she will find her family to be trustworthy, patient, and more than she had every hoped for, that she will have the ability to grieve here, find healing here, and one day offer His hope to others, that our hearts will find renewed strength as we press on trusting His timing, that one day the wait will make perfect sense, hope that even if we never know the "why's" we always know the "Who".

The list is so long, there aren't enough words or time to "pen" them all. The hopes and fears....

The fears. Rarely do we, as human beings, strip out of our arrogance long enough to look someone in the eye and say, "I am afraid of ......" But, in this adoption there are real-life fears. Just to name a few: the unknown, bringing in a child who doesn't speak our language, not knowing how she will adjust or fit into our family, needing wisdom on how to merge two cultures and two worlds that will make up the fabric of our family.... a fabric we are all familiar with right now, fears about how she will relate to us and the kids, fears about her past and how to offer her total healing, uncertainty about how to calm her, will we know how to deal with her intense grief?, will she know our love is unconditional, will she trust us yet even in five years?

Oh goodness. The list could go on for days. But I continue to be reminded that in every hard, God-sized task He has ever called me to, wrapped up in the risk and questions came the greatest blessings. Then, the Hope comes in.

But, I couldn't stop there. The next few words were equally as important:

of all the years. ALL the years. The ones before us. The ones before her. The ones after us. The ones after her. All her years. All her years are found in Him. All our years. All our days. Even the hard ones. Even the ones where He is working and we just have to trust what is unseen. It is so hard for me to imagine a 2-5 year old girl living today without a Mom or Dad. Having no one to call family or anyone to hold her when she is sick. It's hard to think about her having nothing to call her own but her name and no one to run to when she is afraid. But,

our hopes and fears of ALL the years are met in Thee tonight.


All the days of questions from our kids about why the wait is so long. All the hard nights where Mark and I lay in our bed talking about her and dreaming. And crying. And wondering. All the the tears, all the questions, all the holidays that come and go. All the longing. All the prayers. All the years are

met in Thee tonight.

As we press on toward the weekend we are hurting, but hopeful. As we set out gifts for a daughter who isn't yet home we are eager to see His plan and know her face. We are fighting through fears with hope and thankful to serve One who knows them all. We are trusting Him in fresh new ways and seeing Him work in ways only He can. And when we sing this Christmas we will sing with a new song, one that lasts all year,

The Hopes and Fears of All the Years are Met in THEE tonight.

"Nothin's Gonna Mute My Praise"

Our weekend was life-changing.

We were thrilled to open our home for three nights to two girls from Children of the World Choir who were participating in our Christmas program at church. Brenda is 9 (from Uganda) and Irene who is 11 (from Philippines) fit right into our family! Having them around here for 3 days was not only amazing fun it was also incredibly humbling. Though we don't know their exact histories/stories we do know they come from severely disadvantaged families or they are orphaned. Children of the World invites children from around the world who are in these situations and who have a sponsor (through World Help or Samaritan's Purse) to travel world wide for 10 months while educating them, teaching them English, and providing them with opportunities to go back to their homes after the tour and impact their people with hope, opportunity, and Jesus. The testimonies from former choir members are so encouraging. Anyway... as we arrived home with our new "sisters" Friday they were initially quiet and reserved. That was short-lived. Regan and Irene quickly settled into watching High School Musical while Brycen and Mark went to basketball practice. Brenda wasn't much on sitting still and being quiet so she came upstairs with me and snuggled up beside me asking me at least a million questions. Then, she jumped up and said, " I will sing for you." I was all for that!!! So song after song, dance move after dance move she stole my heart. But, the one song that stuck out to me was one she sang with the most enthusiasm. She smiled big and sang through her smile while dancing, "Nothin's gonna hold me down, no. Nothin's gonna hold me down." Then she shifted and started dancing to the other side and sang louder,

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise, No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"

I sat watching her with tears streaming down my face. In all the Christmas hype and Christmas programs, in all the shopping and parties, end of the semester "things," and in all of the schedule juggling, the waiting grows more difficult with every passing day. I was just reading over blog posts of mine from a year ago, thinking our sweet girl would be home this Christmas. Now, I am realizing she might be home just in time for Christmas NEXT year. We are all learning to trust God's timing in new, real, hard ways. We are growing in our faith and depending more and more on HIm and less and less on statistics, averages, and phone calls. In all of that growing, I have a new motto:

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"


There was something so special about having Brenda and Irene here... it was as if they represented tangible confirmation that God is working with each of us individually in the waiting. Nothing compared to unloading everyone out of the car during the weekend and watching Corbin stand, hand in the air, waiting for Brenda to "unload" so he could hold her hand until we got where we were going. I also loved seeing Brycen serve the girls every night at dinner, making sure they had all they needed and enjoying getting them whatever they needed. Regan especially loved sharing her room with Brenda and Irene! One night while the girls were here Regan and I were chatting and she said, "Just think, Mom, one day, this will be real. My sister won't have to leave."

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"

As we approach Christmas we are continuing to focus on celebrating the birth of our Savior. Knowing without His birth none of us could've been adopted as sons and daughters of The King of Kings. We would still be without an inheritance, without hope, without HIm. Though we are celebrating with one child still away from home, we are celebrating nonetheless. Lakin has gifts, just like the other children, and we are all eager to share them with her when she comes home! In the meantime, we want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. As we focus on the birth of Jesus, we are praying God's best for you and we are grateful for your prayers for our family. In celebration of His coming down to us, His making a way for our redemption, and His willingness to come lowly,

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"

my Day Planner

According to my day planner we turned in our formal adoption application January 20, 2011. It included a mound of paperwork that had been preceded by a preliminary application. I flip through the black, worn planner only a few pages and come to March 10, 2011, the day we were told adoptions in Ethiopia would decrease by 90%. Two weeks later, on March 24, we started our home study and completed it only 4 days later. Our home study was officially completed and ready for us to pick up on April 20, marking the first day we could apply for grants and mail immigration paperwork. We did both that very day. April 30 we held our fist ever adoption yard sale and three weeks later we went for our USCIS (immigration services) fingerprinting on May 17. We enjoyed a week in Disney at the first of June and came home anxious to receive our USCIS approval. Our wait was short as it arrived on June 16. The USCIS approval was the final paperwork needed to complete our dossier. So June 17th I was running around crazy getting every form county sealed after confirming all were correctly notarized. We enjoyed Father's Day weekend and hit the road early Monday morning, June 20 for Nashville where we had our dossier state authenticated. Early the next morning I took our completed dossier (and a bajillion copies I had stayed up late making and organizing) to our social worker at our local Bethany office. She then sent our dossier over night to the Bethany Christian Services headquarters in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Our part was over for a while. A long while.

We received an email August 2 stating our dossier had been translated and registered in Ethiopia. The wait continued. In my heart we have been waiting years, but only 4 1/2 months (since June 20 when I dropped off our dossier) according to

my day planner.

Fast forward through those 4+ months to yesterday. I sent an email to the coordinator for referrals in Grand Rapids simply introducing myself and our family, as we had learned we would be dealing with her directly from here on out. I just wanted to know how referrals were coming along for others and if, indeed, the average wait time was still 3-6 mo to receive a referral. The response wasn't what we wanted to hear, but we understand the reasoning. The wait time has increased from 3-6 mo to 6 mo-12 mo. This wait time begins when our dossier is translated and registered in Ethiopia, August 2. So, we (technically) have only been waiting just over 3 months in what will likely be a 6-12 month wait to see the face of our sweet Lakin. The reason for the delay is simply that more investigations are needed for each case prior to a referral (a match) being given to ensure the child really meets the definition of "an orphan." This part wasn't in

my day planner.

Then, I stop and pray. I can calculate, figure, read blogs and yahoo groups, speculate, and presume all day long and drive myself crazy or I can remember I have a different

Day Planner.

He is Day Inventor. Day Giver. Day Sustainer. Day Changer. Day Maker. Day Planner. He has reminded me at least a million times recently in my study of Esther, how precise are His ways. How precise is His time. And His timing. I know for sure that His time table supercedes all averages, delays, or legalities. He is the One who placed Esther in the palace over 5 years before she exposed Haman's plot to kill all the Jews. He placed her there in His timing, preparing her for His plan to be fulfilled in His way. It wasn't Esther. It was God. It wasn't her days plan. It was her

Day Planner.

Writing tonight with a heavy heart, I am still confidant in His will, His way, His love, His timing. The wait grows more difficult with each passing day, but our strength continues to be renewed as we wait for Him. I feel sure there will come a day I will pull out my black, worn

day planner

and stand amazed at the One who holds my every tear in a bottle,

my Day Planner.

Our Shalom

Our Peace.

It's such a sweet, intentional gift offered for our taking from the One who IS peace. The waiting is growing wearisome with each passing day, but we are confident in God's timing. This week has been particularly difficult. With orphan Sunday this weekend we have both had our minds more consumed with orphans. One in particular. Mark and I spent one night talking through things we think about:
"Do you think she watches other children go with families and wonder if she will ever get a family?"
"I wonder nearly every day if today is her birthday and no one is celebrating her."
"Do you think she had one full meal today?"
"I wonder if she has been in the orphanage a long time and doesn't remember her biological family."

And the list goes on. There are more questions without answers than with answers, but in the waiting we are growing, trusting, and believing God's plan to be abundant. Even when it is really hard to be patient. Really, really hard. I was just sharing with a couple adopting a newborn how closely the adoption process mimics pregnancy emotionally (at least for me!). I am forgetful, clumsy, and nesting. It's the craziest thing ever. And then I remember that adoption is God's plan and He never overlooks even the smallest of details. So, of COURSE my emotions mimic pregnancy. In all of that, however, it becomes difficult on some days (some days more than others) to accept the peace God is offering in the process. There are days it would be easier to have a pity party, cry my eyes out, and curl up in a ball. OK, so maybe I HAVE chosen that route a time or two (or five), but then, I am reminded of the Peace. God didn't send Jesus in order for me to have pity parties, cry fests, and days curled up in bed. He came for freedom and to offer His children peace. I am being more intentional about accepting it. Though, it continues to be a daily battle.

In the meantime, I have been so grateful for a song newly introduced to me, "Our Shalom." One day after Bible study my friend, Jenny, told me she wanted me to hear a song. I listened to it on her phone and then went to watch the YouTube video later that night. I immediately downloaded it and hit repeat on my iPod. There are times I can listen and sing along. Other times I can't sing due to overwhelming gratitude for Him, our Shalom. Then other times I listen with tears streaming down my face when all I can do is mouth the words. I am praying it will be a blessing to you. It now serves as one of my all time favorites for personal worship. The song is written by James Tealy. As you listen, I am prayerful you, too, will find Him to be your Shalom.

Our Peace.

A Found Treasure

We still wait.

Thank you for all your love, questions, prayers, texts, and messages about praying for us as we continue to wait for our referral. We are 4 months in to what is, on average, a 3-6 month wait to be "matched" with our daughter. So, we continue to wait. In the waiting, as I have written many other times, God remains faithful to encourage us on the days that are the hardest. Mark mentioned to me a few days ago that the perfect birthday gift would be getting our referral (his birthday is Saturday). Perhaps our talking about it made yesterday "one of those days." It was a day where every thought started and ended with her... our loved, missed, longed for daughter. Throughout the day I received several texts and messages from friends letting me know they were praying for us as we waited. Also throughout the day I was growing in frustration because Corbin repeatedly said, "I want to get bacon." like. seven .hundred. times. I finally had to explain for the millionth time that I wasn't making him bacon and I had no intentions of getting him bacon right then. It didn't stop his persistence. He kept on and on. And on. Finally after several hours of asking me for bacon he finally said, "I show you." So, I followed him to the empty chair around our dining room table, the one that no one sits in (yet) at our meals. He said, "I want BA-CON." Then it hit me. I got down on my knees in front of him and said, "Oh, baby, you want to get Lakin?" A huge smile and giggle came over his face and a sigh of relief came over my spirit. My sweet 3 year old hadn't been asking for bacon for 3 hours, he had been asking for his sweet sister. Just when I think he has no idea what is about to happen, God reminds me He is working behind the scenes preparing each of us in the wait.

Lakin.

We, of course, can't wait to know our daughter's name and see her face. When we have named all of our other children we have loved choosing a name with a significant meaning. And, as it turns out, we have something for names that end in "n." So, we have agreed all along that we will use our daughter's given Ethiopian name if at all possible. If, however, we feel like it would be too difficult, we will move her given name to her middle name. But, then what? Where do you start to name a child who already has a history, a story, wounds, and depth? We wanted to find a name of African decent and one that would also have symbolic meaning. As we began to research Amharic names we quickly realized that a feminine name ending in "n" is rare. We were starting to think we were searching for the impossible. Then, I came upon "Lakin." I had to reread the computer screen three times to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Lakin is a feminine name with Amharic roots. The best part? It means "a found treasure." sigh. It is perfect for her. Our found treasure.

As we press on in this waiting journey we are so grateful to have each of you along for the ride with us. We will keep you updated on any new developments. In the meantime, we would be humbled by continued prayers for us and our Found Treasure.

"He knows...."

Today marks 10 weeks our paperwork has been in Ethiopia. Every day is one day closer. At least that's what I keep telling myself to keep from growing anxious. We have busied ourselves with school starting back, Bible Study for stay-at-home-mom's gearing back up, and the routine that all those schedules require. It still grows difficult to sit and feel like we aren't DOING anything for our sweet girl. Then I am reminded that His plan is never idle, always at work to accomplish His purposes. And, DOING isn't always best. Being still is often better. Trust is often part of the purpose He wishes to accomplish. Just when I feel like no one except Mark and I (and our friends/family who have been there or are in this process now) understands what the wait is like I am reminded,

He knows.

We were able to get a new dining room table that seats 8! Our old table sat 6, but we wanted to be proactive in making her part of our family... moving forward in faith that she will be sitting with us soon. With every passing meal I look at that empty chair (we moved one chair away from the table to make more room) and remind myself it won't be empty forever. We often refer to that chair by her name (the name we are likely to give her if we use her Ethiopian name as her middle name). With meals it often feels like a double-edged sword. Not only is that chair empty, but the table often has meat, veggies, bread, etc on it... plenty to go around and more times than not with leftovers. Then it occurs to me that she is living with famine and with no table or seat to call her own. Just when I get overwhelmed by it all and think the world has forgotten I am reminded,

He knows.

Today Mark and I went to Regan's first-of-the-year parent/teacher conference. While there, we were chatting about Regan's academics and her goals for the year. The teacher commented on Regan's willingness to help others and her sweet spirit. Then she said the bible verse for the students to memorize this week is Psalm 139:16 "...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Ms. Bond (Regan's teacher) then said as the class discussed the verse through the week she asked them for examples about things God already knows. Some of the kids said things like, "He already knows what I am going to eat tomorrow" or "He already knows what reading part I am going to get tomorrow." And Regan interjected by saying, "He already knows when I will get my sister." Yes, sweetheart, He does. And I, for one, needed the reminder. It brings comfort to my longing heart to simply hear,

He knows.

Only One

Sigh.

With heavy-hearts we continue to wait. We knew the average wait time for a referral was 3-6 months after our dossier was submitted, but what we didn't expect was for the worst famine in history to hit during those months of waiting. The waiting is tough in the best of circumstances. In the worst of circumstances, I can see it wouldn't take long for it to become more than any human could bear. We are there... waiting. With so many suffering and watching their children and parents and friends and community die right before their eyes, it feels so overwhelming. Though my heart breaks and agonizes for those parents holding their children knowing they cannot protect them from this horror, I would be lying if I didn't say I am broken, longing, yearning, and literally aching for

only one.

This morning as I continued my study of David and read about his life on the run from King Saul (Saul was trying to kill David), Beth Moore pointed out the responses David had to his circumstances. First, he prayed and then he cried out (Psalm 142). Next, he complained only to God and rehearsed his trust in God. Lastly, he begged for God's presence and confessed his desperate need for God to intervene. Big sigh. And some people think the Word isn't alive and applicable. I am so grateful today for this tangible reminder to me of my need for God to intervene and for my need to cry out. Praying is one thing. Crying out... that's altogether different. So, today I find myself on bended knee with laundry all around in the laundry room floor.... Crying out on behalf of our daughter. In the midst of millions who are dying and suffering I am praying for a supernatural release of the oppression from the famine as well as the oppression rebels are putting on the beautiful people of Somalia. I am praying God will open their spiritual eyes to the deception from the enemy and break their hearts to their deeds. I am also praying in the midst of it very specifically for

only one.

Together, Mark and I, are praying for a quick referral, one that comes sooner than average. We do, after all, serve the Mountain Mover, the One who does the impossible, the One who longs to hear our hearts cries. I believe Him when He says He came for the broken-hearted, to set the captives free. I trust He loves our daughter more than we do, knowing her since the beginning of time. I know He loves her more than we do, even when my heart wonders how. I know His grace is more than adequate to cover her needs and the needs of those in Ethiopia, Somalia, and all of East Africa. Just this past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching first graders about grace: our undeserved gift. One of the games we played we discussed how God doesn't love those who go to church more than those who don't, or older people more than younger people, or boys more than girls, etc. As I pondered that truth more and more I have seen how often our American culture lives as though God DOES love us more than the rest of the world. Conviction struck me to my core. As we seek ways to be His hands and feet to those suffering unlike any suffering we've ever known we cry out to

Only One.


I have been reminded in recent days about how our country mourned together ten years ago on September 11. Though the twin towers weren't in Tennessee and I didn't personally know anyone who died that day, my heart ached and I cried for our country and for those who lost so much. It felt personal. Today, I know all of Africa is hurting for their country, crying for those who have lost and continue to lose so much. As the rebels continue to invade and take over Somalia, taking all the relief being sent, I know the attack feels personal to them all. And today, it feels personal to me. I have a hurting daughter who is likely hungry today, alone with nothing to call her own, except her name. As our family prays for a quick referral and for protection over her health, spirit, and safety we rest in the promises, security, love, comfort, and Name of

Only One.

Because He first loved us

Along the adoption journey we have been asked, and have asked ourselves, many questions. One of the most recent questions is, "what next? and When?" Of course the dates are unsure and the timeline varies, but I never hear the question without thinking about Christ. As imitators of Him, we have chosen to adopt, confidant that at the end of our pursuing, longing, waiting, praying, sacrificing, there will be a little girl in our arms trusting us to be her forever family. When I consider Ephesians 1: 3-6 it stops me in my tracks. It reads:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons of Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved."

or Romans 5:6-8

"For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."

Jesus came, lived perfectly, and died in order that we could be adopted into God's family. And He did it with no guarantee we would love Him back or accept His sacrifice. "While we were still sinners...." Giving us freewill, He chose to let our acceptance of Him be our choice. Yes, He is sovereign, but He is also just. So, He pursued, fought for, loved us, and paid the ultimate price with no guarantee "When?" would ever come. We are hopeful and expectant that we will get a phone call informing us of who our daughter is, her age, her name, etc God set our adoption into motion and met every requirement and then waited (and continues to wait for those who don't know Him)..... The mere thought that He longed for me like I long for our daughter makes me love Him in a fresh new way. His heart for the fatherless never gets old. The truth of the matter is, as I continue to study covenants in scripture, the bottom line is this: Our relationship with Him has nothing to do with us. It's only possible

because He first loved us.

So, when I began thinking about some of the questions that raised in my own spirit, I realized there are probably lots of questions (many of them we have been asked) people have that they don't want to ask. So, I thought I would address the most common ones just to let you know our hearts on the matter.
First, Why? especially given you already have four healthy, happy kids?
Good question :) There are lots of reasons, but I will attempt to narrow them down. To start, we can pick and choose passages in scripture that make us feel good and that lend themselves to our comfort. But, to accept those, we must also look at the ones that our hard. The ones that push us past what we thought we were capable of. The ones that call us to live like Christ in the way we seek justice for the injustice of the world. The way we love the "least of these," the way we live out His view of pure and genuine religion as defined by James 1:27. We really sought His heart on what these matters meant to us and to our family. The fact that orphans and their care are important to God forced us to look at our care for the orphan. We had discussed adoption from the beginning of our marriage, but were never sure of the timing. When I returned home from Ethiopia having seen so many orphans, held them, knowing their names, I came home changed. It felt selfish and arrogant to come back "empty-handed." I quickly asked Mark, "Why are we not doing something about this already?" One of my favorite answers to this question I got from a book called "Orphanology." A man called his sister while he and his wife were in the Dominican Republic to adopt. They had just been shown the photo of a sibling group of 4 (they went to adopt 2). He and his wife felt drawn to the larger sibling group and he wanted his sister's input. She said, "To answer the question are you crazy....yes, you are. But so was God to send His Son. So was God to forgive us, to adopt us. So was Jesus to be murdered and homeless and penniless... by living out a reckless faith, you are more like Christ than ever before... " So, the best answer to the question, "Why?" is really the only answer that matters: because He called us to this task.

The next most common question is "that's a lot of money. It's just SO expensive, I don't know if I could justify it."
Yes, it is expensive. On the one hand. When we stop to consider the other side of that coin we find in our society people who pay the equivalent amount of money for a car they are only going to drive 5 years or less. They sign papers and finance $35,000 for something with depreciating value. Often it might even be two cars totaling that cost. Either way, we can seem to justify the money when it lends to our comfort or appearance. When the same amount calls us to inconvenience or uncertainty, we tend to think it's "too much." One of the things Mark and I have talked through is the fact that God never intended for orphans to be cared for by the state or government. Orphans have always been the call of the church. So, the fact that we have to pay such large sums now isn't a matter of who is pocketing the money or even where it is going. The fact is, we have to pay those prices to get the paperwork done because we are paying the price for the church missing their call. Lastly, I even thought through the fact that we could probably impact a lot more people for the price of adoption and travel. And then the Holy Spirit intervened and said, "slow down, Carrie.. think about what you are saying..." When we consider the people we are impacting from the agency workers, to those working at our bank, in our police department (background checks), in our local, state, and federal governments, at FedEx Office (a million copies!), UPS, Walgreens, passport office, airport personnel, flight attendants, restaurant workers, van drivers in Ethiopia, guest home personnel, judges and court personnel in Ethiopia, our own family, friends, those we will be able to start conversations with after she arrives home about adoption and our adoption in Christ, as well as her biological family, should we meet them. Wow. It doesn't sound like a large sum at all when you consider the number of people we have the opportunity to encounter in Jesus' name. The simple thought that we have the privilege to take a child with a broken past, full of grief and change her family tree forever is humbling. A life of hurt, possible abuse, poverty, and loss can come to a place of healing. That is after all, adoption. It is amazing that in the process of healing, offering unconditional love, safety, and security we are also placing her in a position to hear the gospel and respond to it. That's the bottom line. And, in His likeness, choosing to see the plight of the fatherless and say, "At all cost we will make a way for them."

Finally, another common question is "Why Ethiopia?"
Another great question and one whose answer wasn't clear cut for us. We began our adoption journey looking at several places: Guatemala, Nicaragua, domestic adoption from US, Ethiopia. Those were at the top of our list for one reason: we wanted to adopt from a place we would revisit regularly and where we would be investing in a ministry. When we sat down and looked, after asking for clear direction, God closed the door to Guatemala because it is closed for adoption at the time. Nicaragua requires an 18 month residence to adopt internationally and clearly we can't live there for 18 months! So then we looked at Ethiopia and the US. The fact is, domestic adoption tends to be a little less expensive and for some, a bit more appealing. In the US adoptive parents often know more about a child, his/her past, and his/her birth family info. With international adoption you know very little (especially in Ethiopia as a general rule) and there is no guarantee what you "know" is accurate. We also thought about the fact that in America orphans still have the opportunity to eat and to get an education. So, we felt like God was calling us to adopt internationally. We recognize there are orphans in America and we have been and continue to be active in helping families adopting these children. Scripturally, God never specifies about WHAT orphans to care for, but simply that we care for them. Mark and I still often talk about if/when we will adopt again and from where. We would love to see our family, as well as our church family, resemble heaven with "every nation, tribe, and tongue." Clearly, having a niece and nephew who were born in Ethiopia will aide in having others who understand living in a transracial family and having others who relate to the struggles adoption can bring. This wasn't our reason for choosing Ethiopia, but it certainly was used as confirmation once God led us there. Another confirmation for us was the fact that our church has funded and continues to fund wells in Ethiopia, a ministry we plan to follow-up on regularly. The big question for us isn't "Why Ethiopia when we have so many orphans here?" The big question is, "What am I doing for an orphan?" We are so blessed to have gotten to know this country more and to learn more about the culture. It has been such a joy for our family.

Thank you for praying with us and for us. As we wait for the call to come (and it could come any day now!) about our daughter, we are praying for God to prepare us in the mean time for the challenges and unique struggles adoption can bring as well as the joy and laughter that will come in the coming days of transition. When I ponder questions regarding adoption I am always led back to one common answer, the only one that makes sense stacked up against all the "Why's?" :

Because He first loved us.

"Thank You"

Our house has an even female to male ratio for the first time in, well, since I don't know when. Regan and I stayed up late tonight playing Scrabble and eating ice cream. Such treasured moments. But, I told her we needed to go bed and she was excited because one of the advantages of Daddy being gone is being able to sleep with Mom! We cuddled in bed and she said, "Mom can we talk about my sister for a few minutes? I have some questions." So, I assured her she could always ask questions and we talked. I don't want to go into all the details of her questions, it was such a special, personal 45 minutes for the two of us. But among things we talked about were the wait, the process, travel trips, sharing a room, playing games that don't require the same language, painting nails, her name, etc. I did need to get up from bed due to ceaseless tears after our prayer time together. Regan quickly fell asleep, oblivious she had just taught me a life-changing lesson. Here was her prayer, in part:

"God, please help my sister have a good day today since she is just now getting up. Only You can help her know she has a family who loves her. Help her to also know it is a fun family. Oh and also, let her know she has a bed, a pillow, silly brothers, a Mom, a Dad, and a sister who all love her so much. And one thing I have been thinking about it is that I don't know if I said, 'thank you' today for giving us the money to adopt. Thanks for all our great friends who have helped us, for the fundraisers, and for the money mommy and daddy saved. But, we know you are the Ultimate Provider, so thank you. in Jesus Name, Amen."

Her heart to genuinely see God for who He is and for what He is capable of as well as what He has already done humbles me to my core. I'm just a weepy Momma tonight, overwhelmed with blessing. And to our Jehovah-Jirah, our Provider, we say, "Thank you."

Adopting. Still.

I woke at 4am today to pray with Mark and Brycen before they left for the airport. They are on a team of 17 people from our church going to Nicaragua for 9 days. Brycen has successfully had his first flight from Knoxville to Atlanta this morning and thought to call his mom while he enjoyed his McDonald's biscuit! I am so excited for him and what God has in store for his heart this week as he plays and makes friends with the purpose of talking to children about Jesus (a responsibility he has taken very seriously). When I hugged him this morning I told him I would pray for him everyday and told him the next time I see him he won't be the same. Ever. He looked at me funny and I said, "God is going to use you to change the lives of others. When He does that, He always changes you, too." He smiled big and hugged me one last time. Isn't it just like our God to give us such a double blessing that when we pour our lives out into others He fills up to overflowing? Amazing. But, He is also the same God who is working all over the world. I talked to Brycen about this yesterday: that He can use the team in Nicaragua, use us at home, and still never miss a minute or detail of his sister's life in Ethiopia. He is the God who never sleeps or slumbers and the God who calls us His own once we have trusted his gift of Jesus as our only hope for salvation.

He calls us His own. He adopts us.

I briefly mentioned in a previous blog about a video Mark and I watched about adoption. On the video a man mentioned the fact that the love he has for his adopted children is in no way different than the love for his biological children. Not one ounce. And then he went on to make the correlation that God was clear in His word about His adopting us (Ephesians 1:5) with the assumption that as believers we would understand adoption personally (James 1:27). By understanding physical adoption personally, we understand our own adoption in Christ....therefore understanding, that when we are adopted into God's family He loves us just like He loves His very own son, Jesus. I don't know about you, but the mere thought of that overwhelms me. It often stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears. His love, His ways, His persistence towards us just never gets old.

So, now to our adoption. Our paperwork is in Ethiopia being translated (what kind of person has that much patience?). So, now we just wait. I recently bought a black shirt that simply reads in silver letters : adopting. still.
We have been so blessed with great support that I never get tired of people asking about where we are in our adoption process. It just feels monotonous to keep saying, "Still waiting." I figured I could easily put on the shirt and everyone knows we are, well, adopting. still. That being said, it draws me back to Jesus. When I think about our family growing through adoption, I can see an end in sight (even though I don't know an exact time line). Mark and I may eventually adopt again. But, the fact remains, one day our family will be complete. No more adopting. still.
The fact that God's family is never complete astounds me, but I am so grateful! What if He had declared His family "big enough" before I trusted Him? He is in the constant state of pursuing, drawing, fighting for souls, for more children. He sent Jesus so there would never be a stopping date (until we are all in our eternal state after His reign on earth). As I pray to the God who is global, limitless, timeless, and constant I am praying for the Nicaragua team who are sharing His love to those who do not know Him. This morning as I prayed I reached for my black shirt with silver letters and it hit me! The only reason we can pray and have any confidence and hope that others will find Him this week in Nicaragua is because He is...

Adopting. Still.

Do Not Waver....

It's surreal.

The paperwork we have spent six months on and the forms we have driven all over the state to have notarized, signed, sealed, and verified are en route to Ethiopia. It's hard to believe and it's even difficult to wrap my mind around in a weird way... It's what we've been waiting on for so long, yet it feels like it all happened fast at the same time. It's just... surreal. And exciting. And frustrating. And difficult. And scary. And overwhelming. And bigger than us.

Early in the summer I told Brycen and Regan the three of us were going to memorize the first chapter of James. James is my favorite book of the BIble, full of "ouches" and polarizing commands. That's why I love it. Just when I get prideful and arrogant a few sentences into James and I am humbled and ready to see myself in need of a Healer, again. So we started on James this week. We are memorizing two verses a day and I have been amazed at how quickly the kids memorize it and retain it day after day (it's not that easy when you get older!). But, it has been such a joy to talk to them everyday about what the verses mean. You know, what they REALLY mean... not what I want them to mean or what will fit into my life easily. To hear them ask questions and really grab hold of the words James was teaching believers has blown me away. For so long I have heard the words..."when trouble comes your way consider an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Isn't that hard to even grasp? Perfect. Complete. Needing Nothing. All through the testing of our faith and allowing our endurance to grow.
When I asked the kids about things that might test their faith they gave some great answers. Then I explained that with the adoption there
might be days and weeks and months that go by where we don't see or hear anything. But, it doesn't mean we lose our faith! Regan said, "Yea, Mom. We can't lose our faith at all. God knows and sees our sister all the time. We can't lose faith on that!" I think she gets it. Then I said, "So when trouble comes our way are we supposed to complain or gripe or have a pity party or be selfish or throw our hands up and walk away?" Brycen replied, "No Mom. Choose joy instead. Mr. Kent (our children's pastor) said joy isn't about circumstance. It's about having Jesus." Um, I think he gets it, too.
We spent the next days talking about wisdom and the difference in knowledge and wisdom. As James teaches, we spent one entire lunch around the table talking about asking "our generous God" for wisdom and the fact that "He will give it to you." I, too often, have stopped there, because you know, that fits into my life.... ask God for wisdom and He will give it to me. But, the passage doesn't end there. It goes on to say that "when you ask make sure your faith is in God alone. Do not waver. For a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the waves of the sea that are being blown and tossed by the wind. " Ouch. One phrase continually jumps out at me when the kids repeat these
verses or when it comes my turn to recite them: DO NOT WAVER.

Divided loyalty is obviously a big deal to God. The passage actually goes on to say that a person with loyalty divided between God and the
world should not expect to receive anything from the Lord and that they are unstable in everything they do. Have you ever known someone whose life just seemed blown and tossed by the wind all the time? Unsettled? Unstable? It was great conversation pouring into the kids that though I, nor Mark, have it mastered, God gives us clear direction how to live a life that ISN"T characterized that way: don't be divided in your loyalty. DO NOT WAVER. Even when the timing isn't what I would've hoped for. Even when it gets hard. Even when it feels out of my hands. Even when it's bigger than me. Especially when it's bigger than me. Do not waver.

Initially I thought James would be a great place to start memorizing a chapter because it IS so relevant to life, to living, to relationships. What I didn't expect was to find hidden in those verses a sweet treasure for my heart, my longing heart. Don't be divided in my loyalty to God. No matter what happens, what doesn't happen, what we hear, what we don't hear. Our daughter is His, even more than she is ours. He loves her, even more than we love her. He has known her since the beginning of time, and He knows the number of her days. Even when I cry myself to sleep longing to make sure she is safe, do not waver. Even when no one seems to have answers, He knows every date, every court proceeding, every timeline. Do not waver. When I am tempted to rely on statistics and averages... Do not waver.

As you face "troubles that come your way" I am praying together we can choose to make it an opportunity for joy. It is so much easier to complain, have pity parties, give up. But, in that our endurance isn't fully developed... and our lives begin to resemble an unsettled wave of the sea. Today, with paperwork halfway around the world and a daughter lying alone tonight, my heart is fighting anxiety and worry. And then I remember the words in my heart and I am leaning in tight on them.....

DO NOT WAVER.

He's got this....

Big Sigh.

We are praying super, big, God-sized prayers this week at our house! We completed (with the help of friends who wrote recommendation letters, notarized, etc) our dossier this week and turned it in to our agency!!! Basically, the dossier is a combination of all the paperwork we have been working on the past six months. Each piece had to be notarized then sealed at the county level and authenticated again at the state level (hence, our trip to Nashville Monday). So, after making 1.2347 billion copies and compiling the originals in order to go, we were done. I sat in the car driving home from FedExOffice after making all those copies and kept noticing that pile of paperwork. I couldn't help but cry. One time I nearly had to pull over. It feels so surreal and so.. out of my hands. My personality doesn't always thrive on "out of my hands" mode (ahem, yes, I am type A). However, as I cried in the car I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the assurance that those papers have always been and will continue to be under the tight, precise control of our Heavenly Father, the One who already knows our sweet daughter and every hair on her head. I prayed through my tears that I would continually lean into Him with the wholehearted confidence that those papers in His hands are far better cared for than in mine. I even said aloud to remind myself, "He's got this. He SO has got this." And I believe that. I tend to be task oriented... working hard on something until it is complete. Now that my part of this process is complete, I know there will be days that come that the waiting will be tiresome and the "no news" will be frustrating. However, He has confirmed over and over again throughout this process that details aren't difficult for Him and timing is His specialty. He's got this.

What's next?

When I dropped our dossier off Tuesday I talked with our social worker about what's next. And timing. Of course it is like being a labor nurse when patients would ask me, "how much longer?" To which I usually replied, "if I could answer that I would be a millionaire." There are certainly average time lines to pull from and there exceptions both early and late to every one of those. But, here is what we know:
Our paperwork was sent overnight Tuesday night to Grand Rapids to the Bethany Christian home office. From there, they will review it and make sure it is all in order. Yes, having 3 or 4 sets of eyes reviewing it is necessary... after looking at it as long as we have it all looks the same. Once they confirm it is ready they will send it to the US Consulate in Washington DC for federal authentication. From there it is sent back to Grand Rapids and the Friday following them receiving it they will send it to Ethiopia (they only ship to Ethiopia on Fridays). Once it arrives in Ethiopia it will be translated and sent to wait until we receive and accept a referral. We should get word when it goes off to the Consulate and when Grand Rapids sends it to Ethiopia. The average wait time for a referral of an older child is 3-6 mo. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, like a couple whose paperwork went to Grand Rapids and when it was just at the Consulate a week later they got a referral because the Grand Rapids office is in touch with the orphanages in Ethiopia they get referrals from. So, once Grand Rapids knows our dossier is in process they are looking for a match for us (a female from 2-5 years). We are praying big, God-sized prayers for a quick referral and for favor in the waiting. He's got this. He SO has got this.

Even if the wait grows long, we stand confidant that He has the little girl already chosen for our family and He knows exactly when she will be declared a McKeehan. Once we accept a referral the average wait time to go to court (our first trip to Ethiopia where Mark and I will meet her and she will legally become our daughter) is 12-15 weeks. We will go to Ethiopia for 10 days and spend a couple of hours each day with her on that trip. Then, we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment which is (again, on average) 6-8 weeks from the court trip. If there is going to be a delay in the process due to the recent changes in Ethiopian government it would be between the court and Embassy trips. However, so far, the MOWA letters have stayed about on track! Once we go back to Ethiopia for the Embassy trip we will be able to get our daughter the first day and keep her with us from then on! That, too, will last about 10 days then we will come home and introduce her to all of you!

It seems so simple to type out. As you can see, the paperwork being done is just one piece (though a huge one!) to this puzzle. The emotional part of this is something I don't think I could've ever been prepared for. The closer I feel like we are getting, the farther away Ethiopia feels. I am not sure why, it just feels so close, yet so far. Please continue to pray for us as we wait. We are asking for supernatural comfort, for discernment and judgement on the part of those making decisions regarding referral, for efficiency and accuracy of those working on our paperwork/mailing, and for our daughter to somehow know she is thought of, fought for, and loved unconditionally. Just when I get overwhelmed I am reminded that Isaiah teaches us to wait on the Lord for renewed strength. I've blogged about it before, but it tends to get so easy to wait for the next form, next signature, next money, next step. But, none of those renew our strength and all of them are limited in supply. Waiting on the Limitless One renews our strength. I'm so glad I know Him. And I am so glad

He's got this....

Strangely familiar

Father's Day.

It's familiar... we have a fun family tradition of eating Marble Slab ice cream for dinner on Father's Day. Hey, when it's father's day, Dad decides the menu and he decided years ago it would always be ice cream! We usually work hard to spend time with both of our dads as well.
It's familiar.
But it's also strange....this year. Much like my emotions of Mother's Day, I am sensing Father's Day in the waiting isn't easy either. We spent this morning at Krispy Kreme for breakfast then went out looking for an umbrella for our outdoor table. Mark had suggested that as a Father's day gift. However, when we went to Lowe's he spotted a bug zapper (yes, the kind with the ultraviolet light that attracts bugs and then zaps them). He insisted he wanted the bug zapper for Father's Day. He has vivid and special memories of sitting out on each of his grandfather's porches watching their zappers. So, we got home, he mounted a hook for it, plugged it in, and said, "Now, tonight we can come out here and sit and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."
Sigh.
Father's day isn't easy either.

When I was pregnant all four times I have memories of longing to see and hold the wee one growing inside. I didn't know exactly what he/she would look like, how much each would weigh, and often not even the name. But, I knew I loved each uniquely, wholly, and unconditionally. And, longing for the baby to be born doesn't take away one ounce of love you have the other children in your home... it actually adds to it. Because of the love we have for the other children, we are better able to understand the love and relationship we will have with our newborns.
Adoption can often mimic those emotions. However, there are a few differences. First, the timetable. It is so variable and so unpredictable. Could it be 6 months? With a miracle, yes. Could it be 18 more months? yes. Second, she is alive and away. Our daughter isn't growing safe inside with loving arms awaiting her birth. Loving arms waiting? YOU BET! But, with so much history... every day matters. It's a bit strange to celebrate Father's Day with one child away. I know it isn't easy for Mark and I am praying the enemy doesn't distract him while he stands to speak in a few hours.

On Father's Day, I celebrate my own dad who taught me about strong work ethic, honesty, integrity at all cost, the importance of the Word, and keeping your promises. Because of his impact, I was able to know a good "keeper" when I saw it! I am so grateful for the Dad and husband that Mark is to me and the kids. Here are a few of my favorite things:

-When he pulls Brycen aside before a ball game and tells him that he is proud of him no matter what. To watch them hug and for Mark to say, "Buddy, I will always be your biggest fan."
-When he watches Regan, especially when she dresses up, and he says, "you are so pretty, Regan." You can just see her melt into a huge grin that stretches from ear to ear. Then, some kind of comment about kissing any boys besides "dad, Pap, or Papa will most assuredly give you coodies..." follows.
-When he scoops Corbin up, sits in the recliner with him and whispers, "Hey, don't tell the other kids, but you are my favorite Corbin in the whole wide world" (then he says it to each of the others individually, filling in their name)
-When he holds Hudson close (Hudson is a Daddy's boy!!!) and Hudson puts his fingers in his mouth, lays his head over, and they hold each other for hours.
-When he looks at me and says, "I have thought about our Ethiopian princess a lot today" or "Tonight we can sit outside and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."

sigh. again.

When I began praying for Mark tonight about the emotions of Father's day in the waiting, God began to speak to me about Father's Day in a fresh, new way. No matter what kind of earthly father we have or even what kind of father our children have.... we have much to celebrate on Father's Day as we celebrate a Father who "rejoices over us with love" (Zephaniah 3:17). A Father who has suffered, sacrificed, and loved us before we even knew Him. A Father who I feel certain at some point in His pursuit of each of us said, "Hey, let's talk about (fill in your name). S(he)'s on my mind." Strangely familiar.

Father's day. Full of traditions, full of celebration, full of thanksgiving, full of memories, full of grief, full of anticipation, full of expectation, full of unknowns, full of knowing something is missing. So thankful for a Father who is there, where pain, joy, and real-life intersect offering healing, hope, and grace. I am celebrating my dad, my children's dad, and my Father who adopted me into a royal priesthood. A Father who loved me, thought of me, dreamed for me, and made a way for me at all cost.

Strangely familiar.

In the Waiting....

UPDATE:
IT CAME! IT CAME!!! IT CAME!!!!!!!!!!!! Our last and final form for our dossier arrived in the mail this morning so we spent the rest of the day running around crazy getting all of our paperwork just perfect. Tomorrow I will take it to the county clerk's office for county seals and then we will likely drive it to Nashville at the beginning of next week for state seals. After that it will go to our agency, who will then forward it to the US consulate for federal approval. Then it's OFF TO ETHIOPIA! The process from us taking it to our agency after the county and state seals to it arriving in Ethiopia for translation is around 3 weeks. Prayers for efficient, effective mail service, please! Grateful beyond words.

Original Post:

It has been a wild few weeks for us, so the blog needs some cobwebs to come down!
Our family has been battling viruses, infected bug bites (that ended up with staph & cellulitis), double ear infections, my biopsy site became infected 10 days post-procedure, strep throat, & high fevers. Wanna come over for dinner? Ahem, just kidding. Oh, wait, did I forget in the middle of it all we spent time at Disney (thanks to sweet friends who treated us to a place to stay!). We also made our trek to Nashville for fingerprinting on May 17. The following week I met with our agency & got the final list of paperwork needed to complete our dossier (the big batch of paperwork sent to Ethiopia). The only form we are waiting for is the form issued from immigration that can't be processed until our fingerprints are done. So, guess what I do everyday? Run to the mailbox with high hopes. So far, we continue to wait.

But, in the waiting.......

God continues to do a supernatural work in us. The week prior to our Disney trip was also our anniversary. So, we decided to get away for dinner. Sitter was found, reservations were made. There was only one problem: I cried most of the day. The way God wires us with emotions during the adoption process continues to astound me. On the one hand our daughter felt so close. On the other hand, she felt light years away. My heart was heavy and sad throughout the day. As the day went on I prayed, crying out for comfort for my grief so I could focus on 11 amazing years with my man! I pulled it together enough to get dressed & get the kids fed. However, we didn't make it far when I confessed to Mark that I had had a tough day thinking about our daughter. He chuckled & said, "That's just like God. I've thought about her all day, too." In that moment it occurred to me.... God did send comfort, but it was in the words & sympathy of my sweet husband. We talked through it, cried a little, & enjoyed a great anniversary date.

In the waiting......

God continually grabs my heart in scripture when I read about my rebellion against Him, yet He shows mercy, grace, & steadfast forgiveness towards me. In that, I'm reminded of my need for a Spiritual Father & a Savior. How blessed to know that both are found in the person of Jesus Christ. In my rebellion He chose to adopt me and make me His own. Just tonight Mark & I came across a song by Third Day that is about adoption (www.third day.com/adopted). A man who spoke at the beginning of the song spoke such truth that i was in tears over God's graciousness toward us. He said (& I am not quoting) that adoption had taught him that his adopted children are no different than his natural children to him. And we consider how that translates to our spiritual life, when God adopts us we are no different to Him than His very own son.
Unbelievable.

In the waiting......

I'm learning so much about grace. Packing for & going on vacation nearly killed me. I kept feeling like I was leaving someone out. Repeatedly I would have to remind myself that God's plan & timing are all perfectly calculated. In those minutes & hours of missing her I found God's grace to be sufficient. Without fail. Then, I laughed (though through tears sometimes) while we were gone and 3 of the 4 kids were sick that I was distracted from pondering it too much because I had 3 antibiotics, steroids, Motrin, Tylenol, cough syrup, antacids, and Phenergan to administer to 4 kids who were sick on vacation. In it all we had a great time and again, His grace kept me from bawling my eyes out on more than one occasion!

In the waiting.....

I am seeing God grow our kids into giants of faith! Brycen had to fill out a paper Sunday morning in his small group about a faith journey. One of his questions read, "What have you had to have faith in God for or what was happening in your life when He surprised you in a big way?" My eyes filled with tears immediately when I read his response in red magic marker this morning when I found it. He wrote, "God surprised me that I was getting a sister from Ethiopia!!" I don't think I give this process enough credit for what it's doing IN each of us individually as well as together. When we shared with the kids this week that we only lacked our travel money for the adoption Regan looked at me, like only she can, & said, "Oh good, Momma! That will be easy to get!" I laughed, knowing the cost in my mind (so does she!!) but also knowing she wouldn't have changed her answer even if she had a better grasp of how much money that really is. As we were leaving the Magic Kingdom the last night I said, "guess what? Next time we are here you all will have a new sister!" Later Regan said, "Momma, my sissy is gonna love Disney. And even if she doesn't it will be fun to show her." Yes, sweet pea, it will. I'm thinking about that day more and more....

In the waiting.

Celebrating....

When I sit and consider all of the attributes of God that my finite mind can list, it becomes overwhelming at times. He is Sovereign, Gracious, Healing, Forgiving, Omnipresent, Omniscient, Serving, Loving, Providing, Securing, Saving, Giving.... Oh my, the list could go on until all the ink on the planet is used up. And then it occurs to me:

He is Kind.

In the list of all of God's attributes I, for one, often KNOW, yet rarely celebrate the simplicity of God's kindness. On the one hand simple on the other hand, however, so intricate and precise is His kindness. Only in HIm could it be so simple, yet so precise. He is, after all, the One who made Salvation so simple, yet so precise and intricate down to the last detail. I am celebrating His kindness today.
Over the course of the last six weeks our family has been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have been excited about finishing up our home study and pressing toward getting our letter from the USCIS (immigration) confirming we are in their system and ready for fingerprinting on the federal level. Both are huge steps in the adoption process. In those same six weeks I went to the doctor with new, one-sided breast pain that had been radiating into my armpit and down my arm. The enemy is so deceptive and timely. Then it occurs to me... again...

God is Kind.

After three physicians have seen me, two sets of mammograms, and an ultrasound, it was decided that the lump in my left breast (not the one that had been causing pain mind you) should be biopsied. All three physicians assured me that they suspected the lump to be benign, but why wonder when we could know for certain? Sounded reasonable to me. All the while we wait for the USCIS paperwork. I would run to the mailbox every day like a kid on Christmas morning. Nothing. Friday morning I woke eager to start the day well at field day with Brycen and Regan and then I would go for the biopsy. I woke with a supernatural peace, not anxious at all to face the day. When I came home after field day to pick up the little boys and Mark there it was. Homeland Security. The paper we had been waiting on from USCIS stating we were ready for fingerprinting. And then, 20 minutes before I left for the biopsy, with freshly opened mail, it hit me fresh and new...

He is so, so kind.

Of all the days, of all the times for that envelope to come, He chose now. From the beginning of time when He set the world in motion with all precision and creativity, when He was planning your beginning and ending as well as mine, He thought of this day in all of that and He showed me kindness. Could it be coincidence? Of course. However, the Holy Spirit won't let me believe that, because then I am not recognizing His personal love for me and the fatherless. In that moment, with the envelope opened on the counter it occurred to me (and I was later reminded by a dear friend), "Satan hates adoption." And in the middle of all the unknowns, God was so kind to remind me that He is working hard to accomplish His plan, no matter what life throws our way.

He is so kind.

When Mark and I looked at our calendars Friday we knew the first time we could go to Nashville for the fingerprinting would be today (Tuesday). Mark had some things on his calendar that couldn't be changed last minute and I (and my body) needed a down day. But, when I woke Monday morning to my phone ringing, my heart sank a bit. I thought, "Here goes..." when I saw the doctor's number on my phone. And then I heard that my biopsy was, indeed, benign. Praises. I find myself wondering how I would have responded had the outcome been different, because even then, He is kind. As I searched scripture I found Biblical evidence that even with different results, I could celebrate God's kindness. I love Titus 3:4-7 from the Message, " But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, He saved us from all that. It was all His doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with Him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come- an eternity of life!"

He is so kind.

When we can't celebrate what our life is handing us now, we can still celebrate Him. His kindness offers us an eternity of life.
So, as I type at 4:28am, unable to sleep because I woke and couldn't shake these thoughts, His thoughts for mankind, His ways of knowing so simply, yet precisely, what we need to be reminded of His presence in the midst of tough days, I am in awe of Him. Leaving in a few short hours for Nashville to make our daughter one step closer to being ours, I can't shake it. I can't shake Him. I am choosing to celebrate Him for so many reasons. But today I am focusing on one....

He is kind. So, so kind.

"Brown Sissy"

Mother's Day.
I thought going through Christmas was tough without our sweet Ethiopian princess! Mother's Day might give it a run for it's money!! I'm so blessed. Like, super blessed. More than mere words could express or actions could show. As I press toward Mother's Day weekend I'm reminded of what rich treasure I have in my own Mom. She taught me the importance of The Word, not by forcing me to have a quiet time or dragging me to church. Rather, by being up early each morning with Bible already opened & poured over (Dad had his out too!). Recognizing the importance scripture played in her life gave me a deep love & yearning for the Word. I'm so grateful. And blessed.... Oh, I think I wrote that already. Anyway......
Mother's Day also makes me focus on these sweet kiddos who made me a mom!!! I often joke that the reason kids don't remember what happens before age 4 or 5 is because as parents we are still messing up so much, we need a few practice years. Of course I am kidding (mostly), but when I think about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed crew God has entrusted to our care I get weepy. Just today we were doing family devotions from our favorite kids devotional called, " Jesus Calling." In it we were asked to think about all that the world teaches us to "store up." then, we focused on joy, love, & peace & how we don't just store them up for ourselves, but we give them away. Then, they multiply! I love God's math.... By giving away, things multiply. Sigh. Back to my point. Brycen, Regan, Corbin, & Hudson have taught me so much about joy, love, & peace. Not because they are always joyful, loving, or peaceful, but because I recognize more tangibly how God loves us, me, as His adopted children. Nearly every night before bed I look at each of the kids and say, " you know what I love about you?" to which now they know & give the answer, "everything." I won't share everything about the kids that I love, but I want to honor them this Mother's Day because without them, well, I'm not a mom!
Brycen.... He is the only person I know who can give a ballgame play-by-play with as much emotion & drama as a Broadway play (ahem, and this is not an exaggeration). He loves to read & cuddle (shhh, don't tell!). Brycen would play ball 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week if I'd let him. So, when I go outside & play baseball with him (like yesterday) he gets a kick out of kicking my tail even though I didn't think we were keeping score! He is maternal in his instincts, often thinking about what I'm gonna need next before I do & often, he has already taken care of it. For instance, nearly every Sunday morning when I say, "let's start loading in the car," Brycen takes the little boys out & buckles them in their carseats. I've never, the first time, asked or expected him to. He loves scripture more than anyone I know & he is passionate about others knowing it as well. I'm so glad he's our first-born. I often whisper to him, " I'm so glad God chose you to be the one I'd first learn to be a Mommy to!" he just grins, hugs me, looks up at me, & hugs me again. I mean every word of it!
Regan......big things definitely come in small packages! She might be petite, but her personality & heart are the size of Texas!! If you follow the blog much at all, you know Regan has a huge heart for her sister in Ethiopia. She speaks of her often & always encourages me when she suspects I'm anxious about the adoption or sad about missing her sister. Regan asked me last summer if we could go buy backpacks, fill them with hygiene products, canned food, and a little money & keep them in our car so when we saw a homeless person we could give them one. Sigh. She teaches me so much about seeing people the way Jesus does. She also likes to dress up, wear make-up & big earrings (I have NO idea where she gets THAT!), & put on the best concerts you've ever seen (often times ending her concerts with, "Now please help me invite to the stage our pastor, Pastor Mark McKeehan, for a few words." cracks. me. up). Regan's creativity astounds me & her ability to love the difficult-to-love sets her apart. I'm so honored God chose me to be her mom.
Corbin..... FIRE BALL. I can't help but snicker just trying to think about what all to write. Corbin has his own language of which he gives us the privilege of understanding about every fifth word. He is energetic & super funny. As it turns out I believe he's gonna be our "class clown." He also happens to be the child who most longs for hugs, kisses, & quality time. In our adoption process I've had some very specific prayers. One has been that Corbin would never feel like we didn't have time for him & that he would understand the changes more than we thought a two year old could. Two weeks ago I was finding it difficult to put down a new book we'd found called, "Orphanology." On the cover are three pictures of children. The far left is a blonde-haired girl, in the middle is an Asian boy, & on the right is an African girl. As I read, Corbin was sitting on my lap. He pointed to the blonde girl & said, "Sissy" (Corbin affectionately refers to Brycen as "Bubba" and Regan as "Sissy"). I replied (half paying attention because I was trying to read while he was messing with the cover of my book!), " Yes, she does look like Sissy." Then he pointed to the picture on the right & said, "brown Sissy." My heart nearly stopped. I closed the book & said, "Show Mommy again." And again, he pointed to the blonde & said, "Sissy", then pointed to the African girl & said, "brown Sissy." We have never called our sweet Ethiopian princess "brown sissy", so I was taken aback. I quickly started videoing with my phone to send Mark a text. It was such confirmation to me that God is teaching him & he is understanding, indeed, more than we thought a two year old could. Thank you, Jesus, for loving us so kindly through Corbin!
Hudson..... Such a sweet boy!!!! His smile (with all 7 teeth) could light up any room. And his dimples? Oh please... To. Die. For!! Just recently he started wanting to play peek-a-boo again. However, he gets confused & when we say, "where's Hudson?" he covers his ears instead of his eyes! I get tickled every time. There's nothing like his little legs waddling as fast as they will carry him to me when he sees me coming to pick him up at church or when I come home from being out. Hudson loves to play in my shoes & he loves trying to keep up with Brycen & Corbin when they play play baseball with Mark in the living room. He doesn't look as much like the other three & his mannerisms are uniquely his. It has been such a joy to have all these "firsts" with our fourth! There is no other boy on the planet I'd want to be our baby!!

As you can see, this Mothers Day I have so much to celebrate & be grateful for. I'm asking for grace & supernatural comfort for my heart as I cherish these miracles & as I pray for our daughter who doesn't yet know she has a Mommy waiting, longing, coming for her. I'm humbled God entrusted me to mother Brycen, Regan, Corbin, & Hudson. And, "brown sissy."

When the gavel falls....

It's a legal process. It's a costly process. It's a qualifications process.

It's adoption.

The more time that passes the more amazed I become at this entire process and how closely it mirrors, quite purposely I feel, our adoption into God's family. We have officially completed our home study and had it approved at all necessary levels in our agency. Oh glorious day! Our agency is being painted and having new carpet installed this week, so we can't pick up our home study until Tuesday or Wednesday when printers are reinstalled and the notary returns. When we get the home study in our hands we will immediately overnight all of our immigration paperwork (thank goodness the government didn't shut down!). We will also begin applying for adoption grants. The home study is a required part of adoption grant paperwork, so all of these moves get us closer and closer!
All that to say, the home study being complete is a big deal. I believe our social worker knows more about us than anyone else (besides the One who knows all the hairs on our head!) from personality, to finances, to parenting, to how we relate to others. We gladly sat through many questions and filling out lots of paperwork. Adoption is about being "qualified." I understand the rationale for it, there are people out there with ill motives seeking to do harm to children. On the other hand, we can go have as many biological children as we want without answering the first question about being "qualified." However, as an adopted daughter into the family of God I am reminded that I am not qualified to be in His family. On my own, I could never do enough, pay enough. or be enough to sit as His table to dine. How grateful I am that He was the only One qualified, the Only One who could make it possible. He met every qualification perfectly. Adoption is a qualifications process.
And, speaking of grants.... Adoption is a costly process. We are SO blessed to have so many joining in with us financially on this journey. We couldn't do it with out the help. God has provided and used people that we could have never imagined. I love Him for that. We are about halfway to our fundraising goal, which is amazing. We are so grateful for the adoption grants out there that we have the opportunity to apply for as well. We will still need more, even with the grants, but we aren't anxious about it. God has provided so perfectly thus far, we have total faith He will continue to provide in His way and time. He is perfect at provision and knowing the cost of adoption. All too well. Along this adoption road we have had many raised eyebrows regarding the cost and many "there's no way we could afford it" comments. God is growing me to see that no excuse is new to Him or justified by Him. The cost of adopting me cost Him everything. Literally. The cost to adopt you, if you know Him, cost Him everything. Literally. I stand in awe and bow low in gratitude that He never shook His head, looked at the ledger and balance, and said, "I can't do that. It's too much." Adoption is a costly process.
I sometimes let myself day dream about the day the judge rules her, "ours." A McKeehan through and through. Her REAL parents. Our REAL heir. I think about how I will feel, what I will say, and how I will respond. I think about how the gavel will sound in the judges hand, knowing that sound is the only thing that finalizes the process. I don't want to forget the sound of the gavel on the desk, knowing it is the sound of a victory song of one more added to the family. A courtroom. The scene is nothing new to adoption, to orphans, or to justification. As children, adopted by God himself, we know, we live, we depend on justification. Without it, we are still declared guilty rather than righteous. It is the legal process by which we declare His righteousness, His name, His inheritance, and the bond moves past legalities straight to family. To be found in His bloodline IS salvation. It IS redemption. It IS our hope. Our ONLY hope. Without adoption, we are still spiritual orphans. To know Him is to know adoption. Just when the enemy tries to distort the Truth of who I am in Christ I try to remember Him, our Righteous Judge. The Ancient of Days seated, gavel in hand. Knowing that with every drop of the gavel one more is added to the family. The legal process of justification starting and quickly turning into a familial relationship that no jury could deny. He holds the gavel and as the Judge He is the one who finalizes our adoption process....
when the gavel falls.
Adoption is a legal process. I know the Judge. He is qualified and already paid in full.

Not Surprised

Well, our house has been busy the past few days as Mark and I prepare to leave for Passion: Ft. Worth tomorrow. The weekend was full of laundry, packing, writing notes for all the childcare help, organizing thoughts/stuff/ more stuff. And, then Monday was a continuation of the busyness, except with one big difference: Our final home study visit!!!! We were thrilled to have our social worker here to meet our kids, see our home, and get to know us in our environment. We started our home study interviews on Thursday (my individual meeting), then Friday (our couple interview and Mark's individual), and then, finally, Monday's visit in our home. At the end of my visit on Thursday, our social worker asked me what states I have lived in since I turned 18. I simply answered, "North Carolina," she typed on her computer and then had me fill out a section of my back ground check for North Carolina. She was gonna complete the rest of the form. Mark did the same thing on Friday after noon (late afternoon, like 4 pm). Just before she left her office Monday to come to our house, the social worker said she walked by the fax machine as something was coming through. Then, she realized it was from North Carolina. She said, "I thought to myself, 'I must have omitted something and they need clarification.' Then I realized it was your completed back ground checks. I have never had back ground checks come back that fast." I had to smile and say, "I am not surprised. That is what we are praying for."
It's in the little things I am learning to see Him and learning to just say, "Not surprised." He is hearing, He is answering, He is making a way. We are so, so grateful and humbled.

Once our home study is typed up and completed by the social worker we will apply for the immigration approval, fingerprinting, etc. Thanks for journeying with us. We will keep you updated as things progress. You being with us along way has made it so much sweeter. It is one of the unexpected blessings for us, one no one could have prepared us for. Then, again, I think about how He has crafted us to be His body, His Plan A. When I think about that I have to shrug and say, "Not surprised." We love you.

Tangible

What a difference two weeks makes.

As we have journeyed the last two weeks from hearing about MOWA's plans to only view 5 cases per day as opposed to the previous 50-60 cases per day, our emotions have wavered from fear, sadness, & grief to hope, joy, & peace. It's like riding some kind of crazy roller coaster that you are unfamiliar with. Blind-folded. But, here we are. Overwhelmingly grateful to be on the roller coaster, deep valleys and all. We only received official confirmation from our agency yesterday that MOWA is now seeing 20 cases per day! Praises! It isn't back to 100%, but nearing 50% sure is better than the previous 90% decrease. We are overjoyed and thankful. God is answering our prayers and I do not believe it would be happening without them. The MOWA office did fire their previous personnel and now have a new director and all new personnel. The new staff seems to be willing to work with the US State Dept, other governments around the world, and agencies to resolve the corruption without such a drastic decrease in case load. For about 10 days we were in a "wait and see" mode. Just waiting and "watching" what was actually happening in adoption cases from Ethiopia. Two weeks ago tomorrow I was emotional all day, knowing if I had one quiet second alone I would have burst into tears all over the place. And I did a few times. I was so sad, fearing we would have to wait years to hold our daughter, but knowing it was all in God's timing. The human in me was just really, really sad. I was crying for orphans who would be left to the streets without the revenue from international adoptions to keep their orphanages open. That night I decided to shower late after the kids had gone to bed. In the shower, I sat down and prayed aloud, asking God to heal my heart and to give me the courage to trust Him. No matter what. Over and over I pleaded and said, "I trust You with my family." Over and over He was faithful to whisper in my spirit, "I know her, Carrie, and she is worth it. No matter what the next few months look like. She is worth the wait. I see her even now." The more He spoke to me, the more I trusted and believed Him.
When I woke the next morning, I was choosing hope and praise. I led stay-at-home-Mom's bible study that morning and chose not read any emails or internet updates until Bible study was over. When I opened my email and read that MOWA had only seen 5 cases that day, I began to cry. I was so grateful to have a few friends still here who loved on Sharon (also adopting from Ethiopia) and I. Through out the day I would audibly say, "I am putting my hope in You, Lord" more to get my heart and mind focused on Him than anything. Reminding myself that His timing is perfect, He sees all, He knows all, and His ways are full of purpose. That night our family went to IHOP for dinner, I wasn't up to cooking. I was hesitant all afternoon, waiting for Brycen or Regan to ask me if I had "talked to Ethiopia yet." That morning they woke up, knowing it was a big decision day in Ethiopia, and asked if we could pray for the people making decisions. Their involvement and encouragement are such a bright spot on this journey. I was grateful, however, they didn't ask me about it right after school. I wasn't sure I could drive and explain in effectively. I really wanted to be able to sit and talk to them about God's timing and trusting in Him, etc. That night at IHOP Regan and I went to the ladies room. While she was washing her hands she looked up at me and said, "Oh, Mom, I meant to ask you if you talked to Ethiopia today." Gulp. I replied, "Yes, Sweetie, I did. Listen, " (and I squatted down to get on eye level with her), "Ethiopia is slowing down how many adoptions they are doing. By a lot. So, it is just going to take a lot longer to get a sister than we originally thought." Wide-eyed she replied, "But, I can still get a brown sister, right?" "Yes," I said, "it is just going to take a while. Do you understand?" She turned and reached for a paper towel and began drying her hands. As she opened the door she looked back and said, "Yes. She will be worth the wait."
Tangible.
I could hardly get myself back to the table. The way God loves us overwhelms me sometimes. I was so in awe of Him, right there in the IHOP bathroom! He knew I needed something tangible to know He had heard our hearts' cries. The very words He had whispered to me the night before my six year old just spoke audibly. Sigh. He is so good to us, fighting our battles for us and protecting us along the way.

Needless to say, I replayed that bathroom conversation over and over in my mind about a million times over the next week when things were still in chaos and when scheduled meetings to give concrete answers were repeatedly cancelled. It was becoming more and more clear that putting my Hope in anything other than Him would prove inconsistent, unreliable, and temporary. But, as the days pressed on, the news got better and better.
It came to a huge mountain-top for us Thursday. In the middle of all of the unknowns, I was feeling like we may never get started on our home study or our next batch of paper work. I had taken the kids to the park Thursday to play and when I got back into the car I realized I had missed a call. When I listened to the voicemail, tears fell. It was our social worker from our agency wanting to start our home study! I initially thought the home study would take about a month. It is one visit alone with me, one alone with Mark, one with us together, and then one at our home. When I called back to give our available days, she said, "How about let's do your interview alone Thursday, then Friday you and Mark come in together and then I will do his after we finish with the two of you together." What? 3 of the 4 visits in 2 days? Yes. Our God is tangible. We are hoping to have our final home visit at the beginning of next week (before we leave for Passion: Ft. Worth) or at the beginning of the following week. From the latest information we have received this week it seems that our process will go "as normal" from now until we get our referral (so we need to do immigration paper work/fingerprinting, finish up our dossier, get it all authenticated at the state and federal levels, send it to Ethiopia, and wait). Once the Ethiopian government receives all of our paper work they will match us with a little girl. After we receive her information we wait a few months and go to "court." We will go to court in Ethiopia (this is the process where she becomes a McKeehan!) and we will be able to meet her and spend a few hours a day with her while we are there. Then, we will return home. This is where the new changes will likely cause a delay. Currently, there are about 5-6 weeks between your court date and your embassy appointment (when you travel back to Ethiopia and she becomes a US citizen and is able to enter our country and come to live with us!). The chances are, the time frame from court to embassy will at least double ( on the fast end). Rather than focusing on that, we are so excited to be getting our home study completed and to get on with the good stuff, without worrying and focusing on the negative stuff.
We are so honored and humbled to have you journeying with us. Our hearts are often in awe over the gratitude and support so many have offered us. Above all, we are humbled and brought to our knees with arms raised high at the faithfulness of our God. He is good. He is purposed. He is Sovereign. And in this season, I am so thankful

He is tangible.

Shaping Worries into Prayers

Update:

I'm choosing Hope.

The news out of Ethiopia wasn't what we wanted. In fact, they did enforce a 90% decrease in cases heard at MOWA today. The response from our agency indicated that the Ethiopian government, as well as many other governments (including the US), are opposed to this plan and decision. The response also suggests that MOWA personnel is all new and there is a hope that the new leadership there will find a way to effectively communicate and put an end to this "looming crisis." I'm not doubting God's call, His plan, His way, or His will. I fully trust Him. I am, however, really sad. Heart-broken. Not just for what this could mean for our family ( a super long wait), but more for all the children living in Ethiopian orphanages who will soon be put on the streets from a 90% decrease in funding to orphanages. God has a heart to fight for the orphan and to make a way for them at all cost. I trust that today. I'm choosing to believe He will change the hearts and minds of those decision-makers and make this change temporary. I'm choosing Hope.
Thank you for your continued prayers. You have no idea how grateful we are for them. We are grieving, but continuing to fight for our daughter. She has never felt as far away as she does today, but I know the One who sees her, knows her, loves her, made her, and is fighting for her.

Psalm 56:8 (from the Message):
You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights,
Each tear you entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book

So grateful He fights our battles for us.
I'm choosing Hope.

Original post:

Easier said than done.

That pretty much sums up so much of our lives right now regarding adoption. Waiting. It is an innate part of the adoption journey on a million levels and knowing God's timing is perfect is always in the forefront of my mind. However, it is easier said than done. Anxiety. It, too, can be part of the process considering all of the unknowns and dependence on so many other people. Believing and claiming Philippians 4:6 (from the Message): Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.

Easier said than done.

I am trying to focus on those words, "Shape your worries into prayers." As some of you know (and others have just seen facebook posts), tomorrow is a crucial day in the vitality and future of adoptions in Ethiopia. MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) plays a large role in finalizing adoptions on the Ethiopian side of things... meaning without a MOWA letter of approval, you don't pass court, and therefore don't adopt. The MOWA office is making an announcement of some sort tomorrow (March 10) regarding rumors that starting tomorrow they are only going to hear 5 international adoption cases a day rather than the 40-50 per day they have been hearing. 90% decrease. Sigh. In an effort to decrease corruption and rampant unethical practices involved in Ethiopian adoptions recently, the government is trying to do more thorough investigations of each case. For that, I am grateful. However, there are other plans out there to decrease this corruption and increase investigations without the 90% decrease. From what I understand there is still division among the Ethiopian government as to the best approach for monitoring/investigating each case. In all reality, the orphanages and a large sector of governmental jobs would be devastated by this decrease, being unable to survive without the revenue that adoptions give. This decrease, most importantly, would leave hundreds of thousands of orphans currently living in orphanages completely homeless.

Focus on, "Shape your worries into prayers."

If you are reading this and are willing, please commit to prayer tonight and in the morning for decision-makers in Ethiopia, the government officials, and these affected children. Please pray for wisdom, discernment, and clarity for those deciding whether or not to enforce this 90% decrease in adoptions. With all my heart, I believe and know God is passionate about caring for orphans and always making a way for them. I am grateful He already knows the outcome. As I lean into Him and the truth of His sovereignty, I would love you to join me (us) in prayer.

Focus on, "Shape your worries into prayers."

I will keep you posted on what news we hear... our agency has people "on the ground" in Ethiopia at the MOWA office trying to get to the bottom of what is going on. Please pray for our family as we seek comfort in knowing He sees, He knows, He cares, He fights our battles for us. Deep Sigh. Seeking to move to a place where it isn't easier said than done. Thanks for loving on us and being supportive. We are honored and thankful to be on this road.... So, so thankful.

"Instead of worrying, pray."

"Loose" change?

AMAZED.
When we set out on this journey we had no idea what God was going to do, who He was going to use, or the ways He would grow us to trust Him more. While volunteering at Passion 2011 we met a new, dear friend, Meredyth. She has become a special part of our family since P2011, spending every other weekend at our house away from her home in Lexington, KY. The first weekend Meredyth came to visit Mark was in Israel so we had a fun, girly weekend. During that weekend she helped me so much with the kids and we just spent time getting to know her and her getting to know us. Along the way I was talking to her about our adoption and how Brycen and Regan have been so involved and eager to talk about their sister often. In that conversation I told Meredyth the story about Regan and the little boy in class who took back his $1 that she was so eager to put in the adoption jar (you can read the full story in the post titled, "Sunny Side-Up"). I didn't give the conversation much thought afterwards, but sweet Meredyth did.
This past weekend Meredyth was supposed to come in on Friday and circumstances happened that made her trip delayed. Before the weekend plans changed, however, Meredyth had shared with me that she had a surprise to tell me and that she had to tell me in person. Needless to say, I couldn't wait for her to get here... not just for the surprise, of course, but I DO love a (good) surprise! When we didn't think she was going to be able to come she was upset about having to wait two more weeks to tell me her good news. So, I suggested she send me a video text (ahem, yes, I love technology), so technically she WAS telling me herself. When I hit play I had no idea what was waiting. It was Meredyth explaining that the story of Regan being upset about that one dollar not being able to go into the jar moved her... much like it had the person who turned that one "lost" dollar into $102 in loose change. So, Meredyth went back to Kentucky and spoke to a few friends about it. She then turned her phone to video four glass jars full of loose change from people we don't even know all for our adoption jar. Tears streaming. The amount didn't matter so much to me. The mere thought of others, who have never met us, sacrificing and offering their loose change to us was overwhelming. It was as if God used these strangers to speak into me His provision, faithfulness, and (again) His ability to provide for us in the unlikeliest of places. Here are the jars at our house:

I haven't finished counting it, but almost! So far I am up to $322 and I still have one jar to count! Just by giving away "loose" change. As I began praying blessing on those who had thought so much about our little girl God really spoke to me. It was as if He was saying, "It isn't just loose change, Carrie. It is tightly tied to the heart of a little girl they don't even know." Yes, yes it is, so it isn't just "loose" change anymore. It IS tied tightly to the heart of our daughter living half way around the world. Words will never be enough to say "thank you." Praying as we go about our lives we won't just see our change, but we will see LIFE CHANGE. So little, yet so much. Loose change? I don't think so. Grateful beyond words, blessed beyond measure, humbled to my knees.