Last Firsts

It's been a busy few days around here!  Hudson turns 8 tomorrow where in heaven's name has the time gone? and we spent half the weekend celebrating him. The other half we have spent celebrating all things one-year-ago-today.  My heart is still bursting at the seams from our dinner at the Ethiopian restaurant last night.  We met a couple of friends who are really more like family there for their first Ethiopian dining experience.  After we ordered, we sat reminiscing about our first Ethiopian restaurant as well as showing them pictures and videos of our time in country.  In doing so, we would ask Tyson questions about what he remembered, trying to get his perspective.  It was the first time he talked so much about Ethiopia.  He delighted in sharing some memories we hadn't heard yet over sipping hot chai (tea).  He even said, "thank you," in Amharic when we finished our meal and told us he loved us in Amharic as well.  On the way home I said, "Maybe we could start saying, 'I love you' in Amharic sometimes at home."  I was pleasantly surprised when he said, "Ok.  That's good."  Since arriving home he has been hesitant to discuss much about Ethiopia and he seems to have lost nearly all of his language.  When he does open up about either one, we listen attentively and try to remember the details for future conversations.  It is very common and normal for children to forget their language or desire to not talk much about their native home.  Long-term most come around to talking about it, but emotionally it's easier to make a clear disconnect rather than trying to live in two vastly different places simultaneously. 
One year ago yesterday we drove for like a million hours in traffic a long way up a mountain to tour a museum about Ethiopian history.  It was on that drive that Regan felt car sick and good grief it is no wonder had to jump out of the van to vomit walk around a bit.  The fresh air and empty stomach proved to be just what the doctor ordered.  She was good to go the rest of the day.  We eventually made our way back down the mountain in a much less eventful manner.  Then, we went to see Tyson.  It was on our trek back down the mountain that we discussed with Menge changing Tyson's name from Asnake to Tyson.  We were so grateful for his wisdom, overwhelming support, and eagerness to help us with the transition.  The name change brought up Tyson's nickname, Akuye.  It's a name that has come to be so tender to us.  We still, occasionally, call him that, but he is quick to tell us his name is Tyson.  I will say, he has adjusted to his new name far more quickly than we could've imagined.  It was literally instantaneous. 
One of our greatest concerns about Tyson's physical needs was his eyes.  As noted in my original blog post from one year ago (here), he has a condition called congenital bilateral horizontal nystagmus.  "Congenital" means he was born with it (MRI's have ruled out brain tumors or trauma as a cause).  "Biltateral" simply means both eyes and "horizontal" indicates the direction of movement.  "Nystagmus" is an eye condition where the eyeballs are in constant motion.  Tyson's do more of a "sweeping" motion rather than a "jumping motion."  The first full work day we were back in the states I called the only local eye specialist at Children's Hospital to get an appointment.  We finally saw the specialist in January, where we learned that Tyson has a minor case of nystagmus.  The hope, prayer, and expectation is that as he grows and his eye muscles get stronger, his eyes will improve.  The condition never goes away, but it can and should improve.  Many people have asked us why he doesn't wear glasses.  His only visual impairment is due to the eyes moving.  In other words, if his eyeballs were still, he would have perfect vision.  Therefore, glasses wouldn't make enough of an improvement to warrant having them.  He reads beautifully.  Truth be told, I am sure none of us know all the compensating he has had to do in order to "keep up."  But, he does it all so seamlessly, we actually sometimes forget he even has it!  He often sits close to the TV or holds his ipod especially close to his face.  One of the main concerns for children with nystagmus is how it impacts them in a traditional classroom at school.  Typically they need a seat front and center and there can't be much variation in where they sit in order to ensure they are seeing to their maximum potential. Fortunately for us, in this season, homeschooling has made this one aspect a mute point. 
Fast forward one day to October 22, 2016 and you will come to one of my all time favorite days EVER.  Literally. In all my 39 years I turn 40 three weeks from today but for the record I am still 39, I have never had a day that I can so recollect like I can that particular Saturday.  We were surprisingly allowed to take Tyson away from the orphanage for the afternoon.  It can be akinned to driving away from the hospital with your newborn.  You are excited, but part of you keeps looking back thinking, "Are they really just letting us leave with him?"  Did they ever!  If you ask Tyson about that day now, his one highlight is easy for him to remember:  French Fries.  Suffice it to say that for 365 solid days there has been no wavering in this one fact:  French fries are his girlfriend.  They are madly in love and no one else is even a close second.  You can read about our restaurant, mall, coffee shop experience from a year ago here. 
Coming home we knew it wouldn't all be a bed of roses.  However, we also knew we were off to a far better start than a lot of people in our shoes.  I don't want to say too much in order to protect our kids, but what I will say is this:  being a sister to four boys isn't always easy.  Regan adores Tyson.  There is no way to adequately convey how she feels about him.  HEAD OVER HEELS.  A year ago when Tyson grabbed her hand and walked with her up the steps of the mall, she beamed.  I walked behind them catching tears in a Kleenex as quickly as they fell.  We had been praying for the two of them to connect in a way that only Holy Spirit could do.  For Brycen, the connection was easy: sports, boy stuff, playing cars and making revving noises, etc.  For a sister, it can be a bit more of a challenge.  She never wavered in her commitment to do what it would take to bond with him.  It hasn't been without tears, but it has been beautiful.  Just this week, he curled up with her on the couch to play a game, he asked for her help getting pajamas last night, and they recently had a "slumber party" on her top bunk.  It makes me all teary.  Only Jesus writes these stories.  But, I am so grateful that one year ago, walking up those mall steps in his red jacket and denim shorts, reaching out for her, God did something He didn't have to do: He gave us hope.  And, we clung to it.  He showed us that their bonding was possible and though it might not come as quickly, it would indeed come.  Glimpses of hope are often all you need to keep on keeping on!  I can't say enough about her heart of compassion, her tenacity to never give up persuing, or her unconditional love for her youngest brother.
In way of updates, Tyson still continues to ride his bicycle (sans the broken chain) at every opportunity.  Just this past week at the park he declared, again, how much he loves to ride.  As we also discovered that memorable day, Tyson still loves hot chai (as noted above) and on occasion he still delights in a cup of chocolate ice cream.  But, there aren't many other flavors he will even give a chance!  Since chocolate is Regan's favorite, I think it's just God's way of giving them another common denominator. 
I distinctly remember walking out of the coffee/ice cream shop, Kaldi's, that beautiful Saturday afternoon, looking out over all of us together.  In public and together.  I couldn't believe it was really happening.  Many days, even now, I still can't.  The mere fact that God writes stories and allows us to somehow participate in them is beyond me.  When we walk through days that we know weren't of our doing and we get to see Him flat out come through for us... I don't want to get over those days.  October 22, 2016 was one of those for me.  The unique thing about it all is that I am still not over it.  After dropping Ty back off at the orphanage and holding the sweetest little new baby who had just come into the orphanage Mark and I were able to talk to Tyson's primary nannie.  I wrote so much of the details of the conversation in the original post that I don't want to repeat it all here.  I will simply say, I have wished for a chance to hug her again a trillion times.  Little did I know on that day when we were telling her how thankful we were for her.  Yall.  She totally paved the way for us and set all of us up for total success.  Though much of Tyson's obedience, organization, gentleness, and joy are pure personality, I know it isn't all in his genes.  She taught him all those things mom's teach toddlers: how to independently bathe, get dressed, brush your teeth (though he learned to brush his teeth with his finger), clean up after yourself, etc.  Not only did she teach him those things but she instilled in him a sense of pride in doing it.  Without a doubt he is our most naturally helpful child.  He never misses a chance to help with the dishes, to clean up a mess, to assist with dinner, or to help with laundary.  I have asked Menge to make sure she knows how well Ty is doing and to extend our deepest gratitude to her again.  She is the one who said (describing Tyson), "He is short in stature, but he is tall in mind."  I can't tell you the number of times I have thought back over those words.  They are literally the most succinct description of our little guy.  I quite literally couldn't have said it better myself. 
We are excited to celebrate Hudson's birthday together tomorrow, as last year we were apart for the big day.  As we narrow in on Halloween and tomorrow's birthday, these will be our last "firsts."  Tyson is beside himself about Halloween.  I hope we haven't built up too much for him, but he is JAZZED for it.  I believe it is partially due to the fact that it's the last big holiday he hasn't yet celebrated in America.  We have celebrated everyone else's birthday together, except Hudson's.  So, just like this time last year, my mind is preoccupied with firsts.  However, now they are last firsts.  It's the best full-circle moment this momma could've dreamed of! 

Until tomorrow,
carrie