When I sit and consider all of the attributes of God that my finite mind can list, it becomes overwhelming at times. He is Sovereign, Gracious, Healing, Forgiving, Omnipresent, Omniscient, Serving, Loving, Providing, Securing, Saving, Giving.... Oh my, the list could go on until all the ink on the planet is used up. And then it occurs to me:
He is Kind.
In the list of all of God's attributes I, for one, often KNOW, yet rarely celebrate the simplicity of God's kindness. On the one hand simple on the other hand, however, so intricate and precise is His kindness. Only in HIm could it be so simple, yet so precise. He is, after all, the One who made Salvation so simple, yet so precise and intricate down to the last detail. I am celebrating His kindness today.
Over the course of the last six weeks our family has been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have been excited about finishing up our home study and pressing toward getting our letter from the USCIS (immigration) confirming we are in their system and ready for fingerprinting on the federal level. Both are huge steps in the adoption process. In those same six weeks I went to the doctor with new, one-sided breast pain that had been radiating into my armpit and down my arm. The enemy is so deceptive and timely. Then it occurs to me... again...
God is Kind.
After three physicians have seen me, two sets of mammograms, and an ultrasound, it was decided that the lump in my left breast (not the one that had been causing pain mind you) should be biopsied. All three physicians assured me that they suspected the lump to be benign, but why wonder when we could know for certain? Sounded reasonable to me. All the while we wait for the USCIS paperwork. I would run to the mailbox every day like a kid on Christmas morning. Nothing. Friday morning I woke eager to start the day well at field day with Brycen and Regan and then I would go for the biopsy. I woke with a supernatural peace, not anxious at all to face the day. When I came home after field day to pick up the little boys and Mark there it was. Homeland Security. The paper we had been waiting on from USCIS stating we were ready for fingerprinting. And then, 20 minutes before I left for the biopsy, with freshly opened mail, it hit me fresh and new...
He is so, so kind.
Of all the days, of all the times for that envelope to come, He chose now. From the beginning of time when He set the world in motion with all precision and creativity, when He was planning your beginning and ending as well as mine, He thought of this day in all of that and He showed me kindness. Could it be coincidence? Of course. However, the Holy Spirit won't let me believe that, because then I am not recognizing His personal love for me and the fatherless. In that moment, with the envelope opened on the counter it occurred to me (and I was later reminded by a dear friend), "Satan hates adoption." And in the middle of all the unknowns, God was so kind to remind me that He is working hard to accomplish His plan, no matter what life throws our way.
He is so kind.
When Mark and I looked at our calendars Friday we knew the first time we could go to Nashville for the fingerprinting would be today (Tuesday). Mark had some things on his calendar that couldn't be changed last minute and I (and my body) needed a down day. But, when I woke Monday morning to my phone ringing, my heart sank a bit. I thought, "Here goes..." when I saw the doctor's number on my phone. And then I heard that my biopsy was, indeed, benign. Praises. I find myself wondering how I would have responded had the outcome been different, because even then, He is kind. As I searched scripture I found Biblical evidence that even with different results, I could celebrate God's kindness. I love Titus 3:4-7 from the Message, " But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, He saved us from all that. It was all His doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with Him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come- an eternity of life!"
He is so kind.
When we can't celebrate what our life is handing us now, we can still celebrate Him. His kindness offers us an eternity of life.
So, as I type at 4:28am, unable to sleep because I woke and couldn't shake these thoughts, His thoughts for mankind, His ways of knowing so simply, yet precisely, what we need to be reminded of His presence in the midst of tough days, I am in awe of Him. Leaving in a few short hours for Nashville to make our daughter one step closer to being ours, I can't shake it. I can't shake Him. I am choosing to celebrate Him for so many reasons. But today I am focusing on one....
He is kind. So, so kind.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
"Brown Sissy"
Mother's Day.
I thought going through Christmas was tough without our sweet Ethiopian princess! Mother's Day might give it a run for it's money!! I'm so blessed. Like, super blessed. More than mere words could express or actions could show. As I press toward Mother's Day weekend I'm reminded of what rich treasure I have in my own Mom. She taught me the importance of The Word, not by forcing me to have a quiet time or dragging me to church. Rather, by being up early each morning with Bible already opened & poured over (Dad had his out too!). Recognizing the importance scripture played in her life gave me a deep love & yearning for the Word. I'm so grateful. And blessed.... Oh, I think I wrote that already. Anyway......
Mother's Day also makes me focus on these sweet kiddos who made me a mom!!! I often joke that the reason kids don't remember what happens before age 4 or 5 is because as parents we are still messing up so much, we need a few practice years. Of course I am kidding (mostly), but when I think about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed crew God has entrusted to our care I get weepy. Just today we were doing family devotions from our favorite kids devotional called, " Jesus Calling." In it we were asked to think about all that the world teaches us to "store up." then, we focused on joy, love, & peace & how we don't just store them up for ourselves, but we give them away. Then, they multiply! I love God's math.... By giving away, things multiply. Sigh. Back to my point. Brycen, Regan, Corbin, & Hudson have taught me so much about joy, love, & peace. Not because they are always joyful, loving, or peaceful, but because I recognize more tangibly how God loves us, me, as His adopted children. Nearly every night before bed I look at each of the kids and say, " you know what I love about you?" to which now they know & give the answer, "everything." I won't share everything about the kids that I love, but I want to honor them this Mother's Day because without them, well, I'm not a mom!
Brycen.... He is the only person I know who can give a ballgame play-by-play with as much emotion & drama as a Broadway play (ahem, and this is not an exaggeration). He loves to read & cuddle (shhh, don't tell!). Brycen would play ball 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week if I'd let him. So, when I go outside & play baseball with him (like yesterday) he gets a kick out of kicking my tail even though I didn't think we were keeping score! He is maternal in his instincts, often thinking about what I'm gonna need next before I do & often, he has already taken care of it. For instance, nearly every Sunday morning when I say, "let's start loading in the car," Brycen takes the little boys out & buckles them in their carseats. I've never, the first time, asked or expected him to. He loves scripture more than anyone I know & he is passionate about others knowing it as well. I'm so glad he's our first-born. I often whisper to him, " I'm so glad God chose you to be the one I'd first learn to be a Mommy to!" he just grins, hugs me, looks up at me, & hugs me again. I mean every word of it!
Regan......big things definitely come in small packages! She might be petite, but her personality & heart are the size of Texas!! If you follow the blog much at all, you know Regan has a huge heart for her sister in Ethiopia. She speaks of her often & always encourages me when she suspects I'm anxious about the adoption or sad about missing her sister. Regan asked me last summer if we could go buy backpacks, fill them with hygiene products, canned food, and a little money & keep them in our car so when we saw a homeless person we could give them one. Sigh. She teaches me so much about seeing people the way Jesus does. She also likes to dress up, wear make-up & big earrings (I have NO idea where she gets THAT!), & put on the best concerts you've ever seen (often times ending her concerts with, "Now please help me invite to the stage our pastor, Pastor Mark McKeehan, for a few words." cracks. me. up). Regan's creativity astounds me & her ability to love the difficult-to-love sets her apart. I'm so honored God chose me to be her mom.
Corbin..... FIRE BALL. I can't help but snicker just trying to think about what all to write. Corbin has his own language of which he gives us the privilege of understanding about every fifth word. He is energetic & super funny. As it turns out I believe he's gonna be our "class clown." He also happens to be the child who most longs for hugs, kisses, & quality time. In our adoption process I've had some very specific prayers. One has been that Corbin would never feel like we didn't have time for him & that he would understand the changes more than we thought a two year old could. Two weeks ago I was finding it difficult to put down a new book we'd found called, "Orphanology." On the cover are three pictures of children. The far left is a blonde-haired girl, in the middle is an Asian boy, & on the right is an African girl. As I read, Corbin was sitting on my lap. He pointed to the blonde girl & said, "Sissy" (Corbin affectionately refers to Brycen as "Bubba" and Regan as "Sissy"). I replied (half paying attention because I was trying to read while he was messing with the cover of my book!), " Yes, she does look like Sissy." Then he pointed to the picture on the right & said, "brown Sissy." My heart nearly stopped. I closed the book & said, "Show Mommy again." And again, he pointed to the blonde & said, "Sissy", then pointed to the African girl & said, "brown Sissy." We have never called our sweet Ethiopian princess "brown sissy", so I was taken aback. I quickly started videoing with my phone to send Mark a text. It was such confirmation to me that God is teaching him & he is understanding, indeed, more than we thought a two year old could. Thank you, Jesus, for loving us so kindly through Corbin!
Hudson..... Such a sweet boy!!!! His smile (with all 7 teeth) could light up any room. And his dimples? Oh please... To. Die. For!! Just recently he started wanting to play peek-a-boo again. However, he gets confused & when we say, "where's Hudson?" he covers his ears instead of his eyes! I get tickled every time. There's nothing like his little legs waddling as fast as they will carry him to me when he sees me coming to pick him up at church or when I come home from being out. Hudson loves to play in my shoes & he loves trying to keep up with Brycen & Corbin when they play play baseball with Mark in the living room. He doesn't look as much like the other three & his mannerisms are uniquely his. It has been such a joy to have all these "firsts" with our fourth! There is no other boy on the planet I'd want to be our baby!!
As you can see, this Mothers Day I have so much to celebrate & be grateful for. I'm asking for grace & supernatural comfort for my heart as I cherish these miracles & as I pray for our daughter who doesn't yet know she has a Mommy waiting, longing, coming for her. I'm humbled God entrusted me to mother Brycen, Regan, Corbin, & Hudson. And, "brown sissy."
I thought going through Christmas was tough without our sweet Ethiopian princess! Mother's Day might give it a run for it's money!! I'm so blessed. Like, super blessed. More than mere words could express or actions could show. As I press toward Mother's Day weekend I'm reminded of what rich treasure I have in my own Mom. She taught me the importance of The Word, not by forcing me to have a quiet time or dragging me to church. Rather, by being up early each morning with Bible already opened & poured over (Dad had his out too!). Recognizing the importance scripture played in her life gave me a deep love & yearning for the Word. I'm so grateful. And blessed.... Oh, I think I wrote that already. Anyway......
Mother's Day also makes me focus on these sweet kiddos who made me a mom!!! I often joke that the reason kids don't remember what happens before age 4 or 5 is because as parents we are still messing up so much, we need a few practice years. Of course I am kidding (mostly), but when I think about the blonde-haired, blue-eyed crew God has entrusted to our care I get weepy. Just today we were doing family devotions from our favorite kids devotional called, " Jesus Calling." In it we were asked to think about all that the world teaches us to "store up." then, we focused on joy, love, & peace & how we don't just store them up for ourselves, but we give them away. Then, they multiply! I love God's math.... By giving away, things multiply. Sigh. Back to my point. Brycen, Regan, Corbin, & Hudson have taught me so much about joy, love, & peace. Not because they are always joyful, loving, or peaceful, but because I recognize more tangibly how God loves us, me, as His adopted children. Nearly every night before bed I look at each of the kids and say, " you know what I love about you?" to which now they know & give the answer, "everything." I won't share everything about the kids that I love, but I want to honor them this Mother's Day because without them, well, I'm not a mom!
Brycen.... He is the only person I know who can give a ballgame play-by-play with as much emotion & drama as a Broadway play (ahem, and this is not an exaggeration). He loves to read & cuddle (shhh, don't tell!). Brycen would play ball 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week if I'd let him. So, when I go outside & play baseball with him (like yesterday) he gets a kick out of kicking my tail even though I didn't think we were keeping score! He is maternal in his instincts, often thinking about what I'm gonna need next before I do & often, he has already taken care of it. For instance, nearly every Sunday morning when I say, "let's start loading in the car," Brycen takes the little boys out & buckles them in their carseats. I've never, the first time, asked or expected him to. He loves scripture more than anyone I know & he is passionate about others knowing it as well. I'm so glad he's our first-born. I often whisper to him, " I'm so glad God chose you to be the one I'd first learn to be a Mommy to!" he just grins, hugs me, looks up at me, & hugs me again. I mean every word of it!
Regan......big things definitely come in small packages! She might be petite, but her personality & heart are the size of Texas!! If you follow the blog much at all, you know Regan has a huge heart for her sister in Ethiopia. She speaks of her often & always encourages me when she suspects I'm anxious about the adoption or sad about missing her sister. Regan asked me last summer if we could go buy backpacks, fill them with hygiene products, canned food, and a little money & keep them in our car so when we saw a homeless person we could give them one. Sigh. She teaches me so much about seeing people the way Jesus does. She also likes to dress up, wear make-up & big earrings (I have NO idea where she gets THAT!), & put on the best concerts you've ever seen (often times ending her concerts with, "Now please help me invite to the stage our pastor, Pastor Mark McKeehan, for a few words." cracks. me. up). Regan's creativity astounds me & her ability to love the difficult-to-love sets her apart. I'm so honored God chose me to be her mom.
Corbin..... FIRE BALL. I can't help but snicker just trying to think about what all to write. Corbin has his own language of which he gives us the privilege of understanding about every fifth word. He is energetic & super funny. As it turns out I believe he's gonna be our "class clown." He also happens to be the child who most longs for hugs, kisses, & quality time. In our adoption process I've had some very specific prayers. One has been that Corbin would never feel like we didn't have time for him & that he would understand the changes more than we thought a two year old could. Two weeks ago I was finding it difficult to put down a new book we'd found called, "Orphanology." On the cover are three pictures of children. The far left is a blonde-haired girl, in the middle is an Asian boy, & on the right is an African girl. As I read, Corbin was sitting on my lap. He pointed to the blonde girl & said, "Sissy" (Corbin affectionately refers to Brycen as "Bubba" and Regan as "Sissy"). I replied (half paying attention because I was trying to read while he was messing with the cover of my book!), " Yes, she does look like Sissy." Then he pointed to the picture on the right & said, "brown Sissy." My heart nearly stopped. I closed the book & said, "Show Mommy again." And again, he pointed to the blonde & said, "Sissy", then pointed to the African girl & said, "brown Sissy." We have never called our sweet Ethiopian princess "brown sissy", so I was taken aback. I quickly started videoing with my phone to send Mark a text. It was such confirmation to me that God is teaching him & he is understanding, indeed, more than we thought a two year old could. Thank you, Jesus, for loving us so kindly through Corbin!
Hudson..... Such a sweet boy!!!! His smile (with all 7 teeth) could light up any room. And his dimples? Oh please... To. Die. For!! Just recently he started wanting to play peek-a-boo again. However, he gets confused & when we say, "where's Hudson?" he covers his ears instead of his eyes! I get tickled every time. There's nothing like his little legs waddling as fast as they will carry him to me when he sees me coming to pick him up at church or when I come home from being out. Hudson loves to play in my shoes & he loves trying to keep up with Brycen & Corbin when they play play baseball with Mark in the living room. He doesn't look as much like the other three & his mannerisms are uniquely his. It has been such a joy to have all these "firsts" with our fourth! There is no other boy on the planet I'd want to be our baby!!
As you can see, this Mothers Day I have so much to celebrate & be grateful for. I'm asking for grace & supernatural comfort for my heart as I cherish these miracles & as I pray for our daughter who doesn't yet know she has a Mommy waiting, longing, coming for her. I'm humbled God entrusted me to mother Brycen, Regan, Corbin, & Hudson. And, "brown sissy."
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