"Met in Thee Tonight"

Who knew? Who knew we would still be waiting to see a picture, know an age, see a face belonging to our daughter? He knew. He knows.

It's often I have to remind myself that just because we haven't received a call yet doesn't mean we are forgotten. I even grab my Bible or hit my knees somedays for the sole purpose of replacing lies with Truth: He knows, He cares, He is receiving the most glory this way. It never occurred to me a few months ago that we would celebrate Christmas, again, without knowing who our daughter is. As the days have turned to weeks and as Christmas week has come, I feel like every day is a fight to not grow weary and discouraged. The prayers of faithful friends and family are sustaining us and reminders of their prayers come at the most appropriate times. Yesterday seemed particularly hard for some reason. I fought back tears numerous times and even gave way to them a time or two, just missing our sweet, lonely child that remains faceless.

I did my "normal" things in the day of laundry, dishes, feeding hungry kids, working out, and getting everyone ready for a special Christmas service at church last night. What happened to me there was anything but "normal." We began by singing the traditional Christmas songs and the candles were lit around us as we sang. Then, as we sang "O Little Town of Bethlehem" my heart found peace and rest in a line that had grown too familiar:

The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight.

My eyes filled with tears and suddenly the birth of Christ took on a fresh, new meaning. I have known my entire life that Christ came to live a perfect life in order that He would die for our sins. I have known that Him coming is the one and only bridge that had the ability to span the gulf lying between me and the God of the Universe. Yet, I had somehow missed that in that manger laid the same One who holds all my hopes and fears. In Him they are all planned out, orchestrated, being fine tuned, and one day will be perfected. I have sang it a thousand times or more, yet the words resonated with my heartbeat last night, the heartbeat of being fearful Uand sometimes feeling like hope for our daughter will never really come. He spoke to me in that moment, reminding me He knows I am afraid and He knows I need hope for the years to come.

The Hopes. The hope that she will one day find and know the One who holds every answer, that she will grow to believe that her past, present, and future are all designed for His glory, that she will immediately know and trust our love, that she will find her family to be trustworthy, patient, and more than she had every hoped for, that she will have the ability to grieve here, find healing here, and one day offer His hope to others, that our hearts will find renewed strength as we press on trusting His timing, that one day the wait will make perfect sense, hope that even if we never know the "why's" we always know the "Who".

The list is so long, there aren't enough words or time to "pen" them all. The hopes and fears....

The fears. Rarely do we, as human beings, strip out of our arrogance long enough to look someone in the eye and say, "I am afraid of ......" But, in this adoption there are real-life fears. Just to name a few: the unknown, bringing in a child who doesn't speak our language, not knowing how she will adjust or fit into our family, needing wisdom on how to merge two cultures and two worlds that will make up the fabric of our family.... a fabric we are all familiar with right now, fears about how she will relate to us and the kids, fears about her past and how to offer her total healing, uncertainty about how to calm her, will we know how to deal with her intense grief?, will she know our love is unconditional, will she trust us yet even in five years?

Oh goodness. The list could go on for days. But I continue to be reminded that in every hard, God-sized task He has ever called me to, wrapped up in the risk and questions came the greatest blessings. Then, the Hope comes in.

But, I couldn't stop there. The next few words were equally as important:

of all the years. ALL the years. The ones before us. The ones before her. The ones after us. The ones after her. All her years. All her years are found in Him. All our years. All our days. Even the hard ones. Even the ones where He is working and we just have to trust what is unseen. It is so hard for me to imagine a 2-5 year old girl living today without a Mom or Dad. Having no one to call family or anyone to hold her when she is sick. It's hard to think about her having nothing to call her own but her name and no one to run to when she is afraid. But,

our hopes and fears of ALL the years are met in Thee tonight.


All the days of questions from our kids about why the wait is so long. All the hard nights where Mark and I lay in our bed talking about her and dreaming. And crying. And wondering. All the the tears, all the questions, all the holidays that come and go. All the longing. All the prayers. All the years are

met in Thee tonight.

As we press on toward the weekend we are hurting, but hopeful. As we set out gifts for a daughter who isn't yet home we are eager to see His plan and know her face. We are fighting through fears with hope and thankful to serve One who knows them all. We are trusting Him in fresh new ways and seeing Him work in ways only He can. And when we sing this Christmas we will sing with a new song, one that lasts all year,

The Hopes and Fears of All the Years are Met in THEE tonight.

"Nothin's Gonna Mute My Praise"

Our weekend was life-changing.

We were thrilled to open our home for three nights to two girls from Children of the World Choir who were participating in our Christmas program at church. Brenda is 9 (from Uganda) and Irene who is 11 (from Philippines) fit right into our family! Having them around here for 3 days was not only amazing fun it was also incredibly humbling. Though we don't know their exact histories/stories we do know they come from severely disadvantaged families or they are orphaned. Children of the World invites children from around the world who are in these situations and who have a sponsor (through World Help or Samaritan's Purse) to travel world wide for 10 months while educating them, teaching them English, and providing them with opportunities to go back to their homes after the tour and impact their people with hope, opportunity, and Jesus. The testimonies from former choir members are so encouraging. Anyway... as we arrived home with our new "sisters" Friday they were initially quiet and reserved. That was short-lived. Regan and Irene quickly settled into watching High School Musical while Brycen and Mark went to basketball practice. Brenda wasn't much on sitting still and being quiet so she came upstairs with me and snuggled up beside me asking me at least a million questions. Then, she jumped up and said, " I will sing for you." I was all for that!!! So song after song, dance move after dance move she stole my heart. But, the one song that stuck out to me was one she sang with the most enthusiasm. She smiled big and sang through her smile while dancing, "Nothin's gonna hold me down, no. Nothin's gonna hold me down." Then she shifted and started dancing to the other side and sang louder,

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise, No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"

I sat watching her with tears streaming down my face. In all the Christmas hype and Christmas programs, in all the shopping and parties, end of the semester "things," and in all of the schedule juggling, the waiting grows more difficult with every passing day. I was just reading over blog posts of mine from a year ago, thinking our sweet girl would be home this Christmas. Now, I am realizing she might be home just in time for Christmas NEXT year. We are all learning to trust God's timing in new, real, hard ways. We are growing in our faith and depending more and more on HIm and less and less on statistics, averages, and phone calls. In all of that growing, I have a new motto:

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"


There was something so special about having Brenda and Irene here... it was as if they represented tangible confirmation that God is working with each of us individually in the waiting. Nothing compared to unloading everyone out of the car during the weekend and watching Corbin stand, hand in the air, waiting for Brenda to "unload" so he could hold her hand until we got where we were going. I also loved seeing Brycen serve the girls every night at dinner, making sure they had all they needed and enjoying getting them whatever they needed. Regan especially loved sharing her room with Brenda and Irene! One night while the girls were here Regan and I were chatting and she said, "Just think, Mom, one day, this will be real. My sister won't have to leave."

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"

As we approach Christmas we are continuing to focus on celebrating the birth of our Savior. Knowing without His birth none of us could've been adopted as sons and daughters of The King of Kings. We would still be without an inheritance, without hope, without HIm. Though we are celebrating with one child still away from home, we are celebrating nonetheless. Lakin has gifts, just like the other children, and we are all eager to share them with her when she comes home! In the meantime, we want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. As we focus on the birth of Jesus, we are praying God's best for you and we are grateful for your prayers for our family. In celebration of His coming down to us, His making a way for our redemption, and His willingness to come lowly,

"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"