Today marks 10 weeks our paperwork has been in Ethiopia. Every day is one day closer. At least that's what I keep telling myself to keep from growing anxious. We have busied ourselves with school starting back, Bible Study for stay-at-home-mom's gearing back up, and the routine that all those schedules require. It still grows difficult to sit and feel like we aren't DOING anything for our sweet girl. Then I am reminded that His plan is never idle, always at work to accomplish His purposes. And, DOING isn't always best. Being still is often better. Trust is often part of the purpose He wishes to accomplish. Just when I feel like no one except Mark and I (and our friends/family who have been there or are in this process now) understands what the wait is like I am reminded,
He knows.
We were able to get a new dining room table that seats 8! Our old table sat 6, but we wanted to be proactive in making her part of our family... moving forward in faith that she will be sitting with us soon. With every passing meal I look at that empty chair (we moved one chair away from the table to make more room) and remind myself it won't be empty forever. We often refer to that chair by her name (the name we are likely to give her if we use her Ethiopian name as her middle name). With meals it often feels like a double-edged sword. Not only is that chair empty, but the table often has meat, veggies, bread, etc on it... plenty to go around and more times than not with leftovers. Then it occurs to me that she is living with famine and with no table or seat to call her own. Just when I get overwhelmed by it all and think the world has forgotten I am reminded,
He knows.
Today Mark and I went to Regan's first-of-the-year parent/teacher conference. While there, we were chatting about Regan's academics and her goals for the year. The teacher commented on Regan's willingness to help others and her sweet spirit. Then she said the bible verse for the students to memorize this week is Psalm 139:16 "...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Ms. Bond (Regan's teacher) then said as the class discussed the verse through the week she asked them for examples about things God already knows. Some of the kids said things like, "He already knows what I am going to eat tomorrow" or "He already knows what reading part I am going to get tomorrow." And Regan interjected by saying, "He already knows when I will get my sister." Yes, sweetheart, He does. And I, for one, needed the reminder. It brings comfort to my longing heart to simply hear,
He knows.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Only One
Sigh.
With heavy-hearts we continue to wait. We knew the average wait time for a referral was 3-6 months after our dossier was submitted, but what we didn't expect was for the worst famine in history to hit during those months of waiting. The waiting is tough in the best of circumstances. In the worst of circumstances, I can see it wouldn't take long for it to become more than any human could bear. We are there... waiting. With so many suffering and watching their children and parents and friends and community die right before their eyes, it feels so overwhelming. Though my heart breaks and agonizes for those parents holding their children knowing they cannot protect them from this horror, I would be lying if I didn't say I am broken, longing, yearning, and literally aching for
only one.
This morning as I continued my study of David and read about his life on the run from King Saul (Saul was trying to kill David), Beth Moore pointed out the responses David had to his circumstances. First, he prayed and then he cried out (Psalm 142). Next, he complained only to God and rehearsed his trust in God. Lastly, he begged for God's presence and confessed his desperate need for God to intervene. Big sigh. And some people think the Word isn't alive and applicable. I am so grateful today for this tangible reminder to me of my need for God to intervene and for my need to cry out. Praying is one thing. Crying out... that's altogether different. So, today I find myself on bended knee with laundry all around in the laundry room floor.... Crying out on behalf of our daughter. In the midst of millions who are dying and suffering I am praying for a supernatural release of the oppression from the famine as well as the oppression rebels are putting on the beautiful people of Somalia. I am praying God will open their spiritual eyes to the deception from the enemy and break their hearts to their deeds. I am also praying in the midst of it very specifically for
only one.
Together, Mark and I, are praying for a quick referral, one that comes sooner than average. We do, after all, serve the Mountain Mover, the One who does the impossible, the One who longs to hear our hearts cries. I believe Him when He says He came for the broken-hearted, to set the captives free. I trust He loves our daughter more than we do, knowing her since the beginning of time. I know He loves her more than we do, even when my heart wonders how. I know His grace is more than adequate to cover her needs and the needs of those in Ethiopia, Somalia, and all of East Africa. Just this past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching first graders about grace: our undeserved gift. One of the games we played we discussed how God doesn't love those who go to church more than those who don't, or older people more than younger people, or boys more than girls, etc. As I pondered that truth more and more I have seen how often our American culture lives as though God DOES love us more than the rest of the world. Conviction struck me to my core. As we seek ways to be His hands and feet to those suffering unlike any suffering we've ever known we cry out to
Only One.
I have been reminded in recent days about how our country mourned together ten years ago on September 11. Though the twin towers weren't in Tennessee and I didn't personally know anyone who died that day, my heart ached and I cried for our country and for those who lost so much. It felt personal. Today, I know all of Africa is hurting for their country, crying for those who have lost and continue to lose so much. As the rebels continue to invade and take over Somalia, taking all the relief being sent, I know the attack feels personal to them all. And today, it feels personal to me. I have a hurting daughter who is likely hungry today, alone with nothing to call her own, except her name. As our family prays for a quick referral and for protection over her health, spirit, and safety we rest in the promises, security, love, comfort, and Name of
Only One.
With heavy-hearts we continue to wait. We knew the average wait time for a referral was 3-6 months after our dossier was submitted, but what we didn't expect was for the worst famine in history to hit during those months of waiting. The waiting is tough in the best of circumstances. In the worst of circumstances, I can see it wouldn't take long for it to become more than any human could bear. We are there... waiting. With so many suffering and watching their children and parents and friends and community die right before their eyes, it feels so overwhelming. Though my heart breaks and agonizes for those parents holding their children knowing they cannot protect them from this horror, I would be lying if I didn't say I am broken, longing, yearning, and literally aching for
only one.
This morning as I continued my study of David and read about his life on the run from King Saul (Saul was trying to kill David), Beth Moore pointed out the responses David had to his circumstances. First, he prayed and then he cried out (Psalm 142). Next, he complained only to God and rehearsed his trust in God. Lastly, he begged for God's presence and confessed his desperate need for God to intervene. Big sigh. And some people think the Word isn't alive and applicable. I am so grateful today for this tangible reminder to me of my need for God to intervene and for my need to cry out. Praying is one thing. Crying out... that's altogether different. So, today I find myself on bended knee with laundry all around in the laundry room floor.... Crying out on behalf of our daughter. In the midst of millions who are dying and suffering I am praying for a supernatural release of the oppression from the famine as well as the oppression rebels are putting on the beautiful people of Somalia. I am praying God will open their spiritual eyes to the deception from the enemy and break their hearts to their deeds. I am also praying in the midst of it very specifically for
only one.
Together, Mark and I, are praying for a quick referral, one that comes sooner than average. We do, after all, serve the Mountain Mover, the One who does the impossible, the One who longs to hear our hearts cries. I believe Him when He says He came for the broken-hearted, to set the captives free. I trust He loves our daughter more than we do, knowing her since the beginning of time. I know He loves her more than we do, even when my heart wonders how. I know His grace is more than adequate to cover her needs and the needs of those in Ethiopia, Somalia, and all of East Africa. Just this past Sunday I had the privilege of teaching first graders about grace: our undeserved gift. One of the games we played we discussed how God doesn't love those who go to church more than those who don't, or older people more than younger people, or boys more than girls, etc. As I pondered that truth more and more I have seen how often our American culture lives as though God DOES love us more than the rest of the world. Conviction struck me to my core. As we seek ways to be His hands and feet to those suffering unlike any suffering we've ever known we cry out to
Only One.
I have been reminded in recent days about how our country mourned together ten years ago on September 11. Though the twin towers weren't in Tennessee and I didn't personally know anyone who died that day, my heart ached and I cried for our country and for those who lost so much. It felt personal. Today, I know all of Africa is hurting for their country, crying for those who have lost and continue to lose so much. As the rebels continue to invade and take over Somalia, taking all the relief being sent, I know the attack feels personal to them all. And today, it feels personal to me. I have a hurting daughter who is likely hungry today, alone with nothing to call her own, except her name. As our family prays for a quick referral and for protection over her health, spirit, and safety we rest in the promises, security, love, comfort, and Name of
Only One.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Because He first loved us
Along the adoption journey we have been asked, and have asked ourselves, many questions. One of the most recent questions is, "what next? and When?" Of course the dates are unsure and the timeline varies, but I never hear the question without thinking about Christ. As imitators of Him, we have chosen to adopt, confidant that at the end of our pursuing, longing, waiting, praying, sacrificing, there will be a little girl in our arms trusting us to be her forever family. When I consider Ephesians 1: 3-6 it stops me in my tracks. It reads:
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons of Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved."
or Romans 5:6-8
"For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."
Jesus came, lived perfectly, and died in order that we could be adopted into God's family. And He did it with no guarantee we would love Him back or accept His sacrifice. "While we were still sinners...." Giving us freewill, He chose to let our acceptance of Him be our choice. Yes, He is sovereign, but He is also just. So, He pursued, fought for, loved us, and paid the ultimate price with no guarantee "When?" would ever come. We are hopeful and expectant that we will get a phone call informing us of who our daughter is, her age, her name, etc God set our adoption into motion and met every requirement and then waited (and continues to wait for those who don't know Him)..... The mere thought that He longed for me like I long for our daughter makes me love Him in a fresh new way. His heart for the fatherless never gets old. The truth of the matter is, as I continue to study covenants in scripture, the bottom line is this: Our relationship with Him has nothing to do with us. It's only possible
because He first loved us.
So, when I began thinking about some of the questions that raised in my own spirit, I realized there are probably lots of questions (many of them we have been asked) people have that they don't want to ask. So, I thought I would address the most common ones just to let you know our hearts on the matter.
First, Why? especially given you already have four healthy, happy kids?
Good question :) There are lots of reasons, but I will attempt to narrow them down. To start, we can pick and choose passages in scripture that make us feel good and that lend themselves to our comfort. But, to accept those, we must also look at the ones that our hard. The ones that push us past what we thought we were capable of. The ones that call us to live like Christ in the way we seek justice for the injustice of the world. The way we love the "least of these," the way we live out His view of pure and genuine religion as defined by James 1:27. We really sought His heart on what these matters meant to us and to our family. The fact that orphans and their care are important to God forced us to look at our care for the orphan. We had discussed adoption from the beginning of our marriage, but were never sure of the timing. When I returned home from Ethiopia having seen so many orphans, held them, knowing their names, I came home changed. It felt selfish and arrogant to come back "empty-handed." I quickly asked Mark, "Why are we not doing something about this already?" One of my favorite answers to this question I got from a book called "Orphanology." A man called his sister while he and his wife were in the Dominican Republic to adopt. They had just been shown the photo of a sibling group of 4 (they went to adopt 2). He and his wife felt drawn to the larger sibling group and he wanted his sister's input. She said, "To answer the question are you crazy....yes, you are. But so was God to send His Son. So was God to forgive us, to adopt us. So was Jesus to be murdered and homeless and penniless... by living out a reckless faith, you are more like Christ than ever before... " So, the best answer to the question, "Why?" is really the only answer that matters: because He called us to this task.
The next most common question is "that's a lot of money. It's just SO expensive, I don't know if I could justify it."
Yes, it is expensive. On the one hand. When we stop to consider the other side of that coin we find in our society people who pay the equivalent amount of money for a car they are only going to drive 5 years or less. They sign papers and finance $35,000 for something with depreciating value. Often it might even be two cars totaling that cost. Either way, we can seem to justify the money when it lends to our comfort or appearance. When the same amount calls us to inconvenience or uncertainty, we tend to think it's "too much." One of the things Mark and I have talked through is the fact that God never intended for orphans to be cared for by the state or government. Orphans have always been the call of the church. So, the fact that we have to pay such large sums now isn't a matter of who is pocketing the money or even where it is going. The fact is, we have to pay those prices to get the paperwork done because we are paying the price for the church missing their call. Lastly, I even thought through the fact that we could probably impact a lot more people for the price of adoption and travel. And then the Holy Spirit intervened and said, "slow down, Carrie.. think about what you are saying..." When we consider the people we are impacting from the agency workers, to those working at our bank, in our police department (background checks), in our local, state, and federal governments, at FedEx Office (a million copies!), UPS, Walgreens, passport office, airport personnel, flight attendants, restaurant workers, van drivers in Ethiopia, guest home personnel, judges and court personnel in Ethiopia, our own family, friends, those we will be able to start conversations with after she arrives home about adoption and our adoption in Christ, as well as her biological family, should we meet them. Wow. It doesn't sound like a large sum at all when you consider the number of people we have the opportunity to encounter in Jesus' name. The simple thought that we have the privilege to take a child with a broken past, full of grief and change her family tree forever is humbling. A life of hurt, possible abuse, poverty, and loss can come to a place of healing. That is after all, adoption. It is amazing that in the process of healing, offering unconditional love, safety, and security we are also placing her in a position to hear the gospel and respond to it. That's the bottom line. And, in His likeness, choosing to see the plight of the fatherless and say, "At all cost we will make a way for them."
Finally, another common question is "Why Ethiopia?"
Another great question and one whose answer wasn't clear cut for us. We began our adoption journey looking at several places: Guatemala, Nicaragua, domestic adoption from US, Ethiopia. Those were at the top of our list for one reason: we wanted to adopt from a place we would revisit regularly and where we would be investing in a ministry. When we sat down and looked, after asking for clear direction, God closed the door to Guatemala because it is closed for adoption at the time. Nicaragua requires an 18 month residence to adopt internationally and clearly we can't live there for 18 months! So then we looked at Ethiopia and the US. The fact is, domestic adoption tends to be a little less expensive and for some, a bit more appealing. In the US adoptive parents often know more about a child, his/her past, and his/her birth family info. With international adoption you know very little (especially in Ethiopia as a general rule) and there is no guarantee what you "know" is accurate. We also thought about the fact that in America orphans still have the opportunity to eat and to get an education. So, we felt like God was calling us to adopt internationally. We recognize there are orphans in America and we have been and continue to be active in helping families adopting these children. Scripturally, God never specifies about WHAT orphans to care for, but simply that we care for them. Mark and I still often talk about if/when we will adopt again and from where. We would love to see our family, as well as our church family, resemble heaven with "every nation, tribe, and tongue." Clearly, having a niece and nephew who were born in Ethiopia will aide in having others who understand living in a transracial family and having others who relate to the struggles adoption can bring. This wasn't our reason for choosing Ethiopia, but it certainly was used as confirmation once God led us there. Another confirmation for us was the fact that our church has funded and continues to fund wells in Ethiopia, a ministry we plan to follow-up on regularly. The big question for us isn't "Why Ethiopia when we have so many orphans here?" The big question is, "What am I doing for an orphan?" We are so blessed to have gotten to know this country more and to learn more about the culture. It has been such a joy for our family.
Thank you for praying with us and for us. As we wait for the call to come (and it could come any day now!) about our daughter, we are praying for God to prepare us in the mean time for the challenges and unique struggles adoption can bring as well as the joy and laughter that will come in the coming days of transition. When I ponder questions regarding adoption I am always led back to one common answer, the only one that makes sense stacked up against all the "Why's?" :
Because He first loved us.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons of Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved."
or Romans 5:6-8
"For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us."
Jesus came, lived perfectly, and died in order that we could be adopted into God's family. And He did it with no guarantee we would love Him back or accept His sacrifice. "While we were still sinners...." Giving us freewill, He chose to let our acceptance of Him be our choice. Yes, He is sovereign, but He is also just. So, He pursued, fought for, loved us, and paid the ultimate price with no guarantee "When?" would ever come. We are hopeful and expectant that we will get a phone call informing us of who our daughter is, her age, her name, etc God set our adoption into motion and met every requirement and then waited (and continues to wait for those who don't know Him)..... The mere thought that He longed for me like I long for our daughter makes me love Him in a fresh new way. His heart for the fatherless never gets old. The truth of the matter is, as I continue to study covenants in scripture, the bottom line is this: Our relationship with Him has nothing to do with us. It's only possible
because He first loved us.
So, when I began thinking about some of the questions that raised in my own spirit, I realized there are probably lots of questions (many of them we have been asked) people have that they don't want to ask. So, I thought I would address the most common ones just to let you know our hearts on the matter.
First, Why? especially given you already have four healthy, happy kids?
Good question :) There are lots of reasons, but I will attempt to narrow them down. To start, we can pick and choose passages in scripture that make us feel good and that lend themselves to our comfort. But, to accept those, we must also look at the ones that our hard. The ones that push us past what we thought we were capable of. The ones that call us to live like Christ in the way we seek justice for the injustice of the world. The way we love the "least of these," the way we live out His view of pure and genuine religion as defined by James 1:27. We really sought His heart on what these matters meant to us and to our family. The fact that orphans and their care are important to God forced us to look at our care for the orphan. We had discussed adoption from the beginning of our marriage, but were never sure of the timing. When I returned home from Ethiopia having seen so many orphans, held them, knowing their names, I came home changed. It felt selfish and arrogant to come back "empty-handed." I quickly asked Mark, "Why are we not doing something about this already?" One of my favorite answers to this question I got from a book called "Orphanology." A man called his sister while he and his wife were in the Dominican Republic to adopt. They had just been shown the photo of a sibling group of 4 (they went to adopt 2). He and his wife felt drawn to the larger sibling group and he wanted his sister's input. She said, "To answer the question are you crazy....yes, you are. But so was God to send His Son. So was God to forgive us, to adopt us. So was Jesus to be murdered and homeless and penniless... by living out a reckless faith, you are more like Christ than ever before... " So, the best answer to the question, "Why?" is really the only answer that matters: because He called us to this task.
The next most common question is "that's a lot of money. It's just SO expensive, I don't know if I could justify it."
Yes, it is expensive. On the one hand. When we stop to consider the other side of that coin we find in our society people who pay the equivalent amount of money for a car they are only going to drive 5 years or less. They sign papers and finance $35,000 for something with depreciating value. Often it might even be two cars totaling that cost. Either way, we can seem to justify the money when it lends to our comfort or appearance. When the same amount calls us to inconvenience or uncertainty, we tend to think it's "too much." One of the things Mark and I have talked through is the fact that God never intended for orphans to be cared for by the state or government. Orphans have always been the call of the church. So, the fact that we have to pay such large sums now isn't a matter of who is pocketing the money or even where it is going. The fact is, we have to pay those prices to get the paperwork done because we are paying the price for the church missing their call. Lastly, I even thought through the fact that we could probably impact a lot more people for the price of adoption and travel. And then the Holy Spirit intervened and said, "slow down, Carrie.. think about what you are saying..." When we consider the people we are impacting from the agency workers, to those working at our bank, in our police department (background checks), in our local, state, and federal governments, at FedEx Office (a million copies!), UPS, Walgreens, passport office, airport personnel, flight attendants, restaurant workers, van drivers in Ethiopia, guest home personnel, judges and court personnel in Ethiopia, our own family, friends, those we will be able to start conversations with after she arrives home about adoption and our adoption in Christ, as well as her biological family, should we meet them. Wow. It doesn't sound like a large sum at all when you consider the number of people we have the opportunity to encounter in Jesus' name. The simple thought that we have the privilege to take a child with a broken past, full of grief and change her family tree forever is humbling. A life of hurt, possible abuse, poverty, and loss can come to a place of healing. That is after all, adoption. It is amazing that in the process of healing, offering unconditional love, safety, and security we are also placing her in a position to hear the gospel and respond to it. That's the bottom line. And, in His likeness, choosing to see the plight of the fatherless and say, "At all cost we will make a way for them."
Finally, another common question is "Why Ethiopia?"
Another great question and one whose answer wasn't clear cut for us. We began our adoption journey looking at several places: Guatemala, Nicaragua, domestic adoption from US, Ethiopia. Those were at the top of our list for one reason: we wanted to adopt from a place we would revisit regularly and where we would be investing in a ministry. When we sat down and looked, after asking for clear direction, God closed the door to Guatemala because it is closed for adoption at the time. Nicaragua requires an 18 month residence to adopt internationally and clearly we can't live there for 18 months! So then we looked at Ethiopia and the US. The fact is, domestic adoption tends to be a little less expensive and for some, a bit more appealing. In the US adoptive parents often know more about a child, his/her past, and his/her birth family info. With international adoption you know very little (especially in Ethiopia as a general rule) and there is no guarantee what you "know" is accurate. We also thought about the fact that in America orphans still have the opportunity to eat and to get an education. So, we felt like God was calling us to adopt internationally. We recognize there are orphans in America and we have been and continue to be active in helping families adopting these children. Scripturally, God never specifies about WHAT orphans to care for, but simply that we care for them. Mark and I still often talk about if/when we will adopt again and from where. We would love to see our family, as well as our church family, resemble heaven with "every nation, tribe, and tongue." Clearly, having a niece and nephew who were born in Ethiopia will aide in having others who understand living in a transracial family and having others who relate to the struggles adoption can bring. This wasn't our reason for choosing Ethiopia, but it certainly was used as confirmation once God led us there. Another confirmation for us was the fact that our church has funded and continues to fund wells in Ethiopia, a ministry we plan to follow-up on regularly. The big question for us isn't "Why Ethiopia when we have so many orphans here?" The big question is, "What am I doing for an orphan?" We are so blessed to have gotten to know this country more and to learn more about the culture. It has been such a joy for our family.
Thank you for praying with us and for us. As we wait for the call to come (and it could come any day now!) about our daughter, we are praying for God to prepare us in the mean time for the challenges and unique struggles adoption can bring as well as the joy and laughter that will come in the coming days of transition. When I ponder questions regarding adoption I am always led back to one common answer, the only one that makes sense stacked up against all the "Why's?" :
Because He first loved us.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
"Thank You"
Our house has an even female to male ratio for the first time in, well, since I don't know when. Regan and I stayed up late tonight playing Scrabble and eating ice cream. Such treasured moments. But, I told her we needed to go bed and she was excited because one of the advantages of Daddy being gone is being able to sleep with Mom! We cuddled in bed and she said, "Mom can we talk about my sister for a few minutes? I have some questions." So, I assured her she could always ask questions and we talked. I don't want to go into all the details of her questions, it was such a special, personal 45 minutes for the two of us. But among things we talked about were the wait, the process, travel trips, sharing a room, playing games that don't require the same language, painting nails, her name, etc. I did need to get up from bed due to ceaseless tears after our prayer time together. Regan quickly fell asleep, oblivious she had just taught me a life-changing lesson. Here was her prayer, in part:
"God, please help my sister have a good day today since she is just now getting up. Only You can help her know she has a family who loves her. Help her to also know it is a fun family. Oh and also, let her know she has a bed, a pillow, silly brothers, a Mom, a Dad, and a sister who all love her so much. And one thing I have been thinking about it is that I don't know if I said, 'thank you' today for giving us the money to adopt. Thanks for all our great friends who have helped us, for the fundraisers, and for the money mommy and daddy saved. But, we know you are the Ultimate Provider, so thank you. in Jesus Name, Amen."
Her heart to genuinely see God for who He is and for what He is capable of as well as what He has already done humbles me to my core. I'm just a weepy Momma tonight, overwhelmed with blessing. And to our Jehovah-Jirah, our Provider, we say, "Thank you."
"God, please help my sister have a good day today since she is just now getting up. Only You can help her know she has a family who loves her. Help her to also know it is a fun family. Oh and also, let her know she has a bed, a pillow, silly brothers, a Mom, a Dad, and a sister who all love her so much. And one thing I have been thinking about it is that I don't know if I said, 'thank you' today for giving us the money to adopt. Thanks for all our great friends who have helped us, for the fundraisers, and for the money mommy and daddy saved. But, we know you are the Ultimate Provider, so thank you. in Jesus Name, Amen."
Her heart to genuinely see God for who He is and for what He is capable of as well as what He has already done humbles me to my core. I'm just a weepy Momma tonight, overwhelmed with blessing. And to our Jehovah-Jirah, our Provider, we say, "Thank you."
Friday, July 15, 2011
Adopting. Still.
I woke at 4am today to pray with Mark and Brycen before they left for the airport. They are on a team of 17 people from our church going to Nicaragua for 9 days. Brycen has successfully had his first flight from Knoxville to Atlanta this morning and thought to call his mom while he enjoyed his McDonald's biscuit! I am so excited for him and what God has in store for his heart this week as he plays and makes friends with the purpose of talking to children about Jesus (a responsibility he has taken very seriously). When I hugged him this morning I told him I would pray for him everyday and told him the next time I see him he won't be the same. Ever. He looked at me funny and I said, "God is going to use you to change the lives of others. When He does that, He always changes you, too." He smiled big and hugged me one last time. Isn't it just like our God to give us such a double blessing that when we pour our lives out into others He fills up to overflowing? Amazing. But, He is also the same God who is working all over the world. I talked to Brycen about this yesterday: that He can use the team in Nicaragua, use us at home, and still never miss a minute or detail of his sister's life in Ethiopia. He is the God who never sleeps or slumbers and the God who calls us His own once we have trusted his gift of Jesus as our only hope for salvation.
He calls us His own. He adopts us.
I briefly mentioned in a previous blog about a video Mark and I watched about adoption. On the video a man mentioned the fact that the love he has for his adopted children is in no way different than the love for his biological children. Not one ounce. And then he went on to make the correlation that God was clear in His word about His adopting us (Ephesians 1:5) with the assumption that as believers we would understand adoption personally (James 1:27). By understanding physical adoption personally, we understand our own adoption in Christ....therefore understanding, that when we are adopted into God's family He loves us just like He loves His very own son, Jesus. I don't know about you, but the mere thought of that overwhelms me. It often stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears. His love, His ways, His persistence towards us just never gets old.
So, now to our adoption. Our paperwork is in Ethiopia being translated (what kind of person has that much patience?). So, now we just wait. I recently bought a black shirt that simply reads in silver letters : adopting. still.
We have been so blessed with great support that I never get tired of people asking about where we are in our adoption process. It just feels monotonous to keep saying, "Still waiting." I figured I could easily put on the shirt and everyone knows we are, well, adopting. still. That being said, it draws me back to Jesus. When I think about our family growing through adoption, I can see an end in sight (even though I don't know an exact time line). Mark and I may eventually adopt again. But, the fact remains, one day our family will be complete. No more adopting. still.
The fact that God's family is never complete astounds me, but I am so grateful! What if He had declared His family "big enough" before I trusted Him? He is in the constant state of pursuing, drawing, fighting for souls, for more children. He sent Jesus so there would never be a stopping date (until we are all in our eternal state after His reign on earth). As I pray to the God who is global, limitless, timeless, and constant I am praying for the Nicaragua team who are sharing His love to those who do not know Him. This morning as I prayed I reached for my black shirt with silver letters and it hit me! The only reason we can pray and have any confidence and hope that others will find Him this week in Nicaragua is because He is...
Adopting. Still.
He calls us His own. He adopts us.
I briefly mentioned in a previous blog about a video Mark and I watched about adoption. On the video a man mentioned the fact that the love he has for his adopted children is in no way different than the love for his biological children. Not one ounce. And then he went on to make the correlation that God was clear in His word about His adopting us (Ephesians 1:5) with the assumption that as believers we would understand adoption personally (James 1:27). By understanding physical adoption personally, we understand our own adoption in Christ....therefore understanding, that when we are adopted into God's family He loves us just like He loves His very own son, Jesus. I don't know about you, but the mere thought of that overwhelms me. It often stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears. His love, His ways, His persistence towards us just never gets old.
So, now to our adoption. Our paperwork is in Ethiopia being translated (what kind of person has that much patience?). So, now we just wait. I recently bought a black shirt that simply reads in silver letters : adopting. still.
We have been so blessed with great support that I never get tired of people asking about where we are in our adoption process. It just feels monotonous to keep saying, "Still waiting." I figured I could easily put on the shirt and everyone knows we are, well, adopting. still. That being said, it draws me back to Jesus. When I think about our family growing through adoption, I can see an end in sight (even though I don't know an exact time line). Mark and I may eventually adopt again. But, the fact remains, one day our family will be complete. No more adopting. still.
The fact that God's family is never complete astounds me, but I am so grateful! What if He had declared His family "big enough" before I trusted Him? He is in the constant state of pursuing, drawing, fighting for souls, for more children. He sent Jesus so there would never be a stopping date (until we are all in our eternal state after His reign on earth). As I pray to the God who is global, limitless, timeless, and constant I am praying for the Nicaragua team who are sharing His love to those who do not know Him. This morning as I prayed I reached for my black shirt with silver letters and it hit me! The only reason we can pray and have any confidence and hope that others will find Him this week in Nicaragua is because He is...
Adopting. Still.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Do Not Waver....
It's surreal.
The paperwork we have spent six months on and the forms we have driven all over the state to have notarized, signed, sealed, and verified are en route to Ethiopia. It's hard to believe and it's even difficult to wrap my mind around in a weird way... It's what we've been waiting on for so long, yet it feels like it all happened fast at the same time. It's just... surreal. And exciting. And frustrating. And difficult. And scary. And overwhelming. And bigger than us.
Early in the summer I told Brycen and Regan the three of us were going to memorize the first chapter of James. James is my favorite book of the BIble, full of "ouches" and polarizing commands. That's why I love it. Just when I get prideful and arrogant a few sentences into James and I am humbled and ready to see myself in need of a Healer, again. So we started on James this week. We are memorizing two verses a day and I have been amazed at how quickly the kids memorize it and retain it day after day (it's not that easy when you get older!). But, it has been such a joy to talk to them everyday about what the verses mean. You know, what they REALLY mean... not what I want them to mean or what will fit into my life easily. To hear them ask questions and really grab hold of the words James was teaching believers has blown me away. For so long I have heard the words..."when trouble comes your way consider an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Isn't that hard to even grasp? Perfect. Complete. Needing Nothing. All through the testing of our faith and allowing our endurance to grow.
When I asked the kids about things that might test their faith they gave some great answers. Then I explained that with the adoption there
might be days and weeks and months that go by where we don't see or hear anything. But, it doesn't mean we lose our faith! Regan said, "Yea, Mom. We can't lose our faith at all. God knows and sees our sister all the time. We can't lose faith on that!" I think she gets it. Then I said, "So when trouble comes our way are we supposed to complain or gripe or have a pity party or be selfish or throw our hands up and walk away?" Brycen replied, "No Mom. Choose joy instead. Mr. Kent (our children's pastor) said joy isn't about circumstance. It's about having Jesus." Um, I think he gets it, too.
We spent the next days talking about wisdom and the difference in knowledge and wisdom. As James teaches, we spent one entire lunch around the table talking about asking "our generous God" for wisdom and the fact that "He will give it to you." I, too often, have stopped there, because you know, that fits into my life.... ask God for wisdom and He will give it to me. But, the passage doesn't end there. It goes on to say that "when you ask make sure your faith is in God alone. Do not waver. For a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the waves of the sea that are being blown and tossed by the wind. " Ouch. One phrase continually jumps out at me when the kids repeat these
verses or when it comes my turn to recite them: DO NOT WAVER.
Divided loyalty is obviously a big deal to God. The passage actually goes on to say that a person with loyalty divided between God and the
world should not expect to receive anything from the Lord and that they are unstable in everything they do. Have you ever known someone whose life just seemed blown and tossed by the wind all the time? Unsettled? Unstable? It was great conversation pouring into the kids that though I, nor Mark, have it mastered, God gives us clear direction how to live a life that ISN"T characterized that way: don't be divided in your loyalty. DO NOT WAVER. Even when the timing isn't what I would've hoped for. Even when it gets hard. Even when it feels out of my hands. Even when it's bigger than me. Especially when it's bigger than me. Do not waver.
Initially I thought James would be a great place to start memorizing a chapter because it IS so relevant to life, to living, to relationships. What I didn't expect was to find hidden in those verses a sweet treasure for my heart, my longing heart. Don't be divided in my loyalty to God. No matter what happens, what doesn't happen, what we hear, what we don't hear. Our daughter is His, even more than she is ours. He loves her, even more than we love her. He has known her since the beginning of time, and He knows the number of her days. Even when I cry myself to sleep longing to make sure she is safe, do not waver. Even when no one seems to have answers, He knows every date, every court proceeding, every timeline. Do not waver. When I am tempted to rely on statistics and averages... Do not waver.
As you face "troubles that come your way" I am praying together we can choose to make it an opportunity for joy. It is so much easier to complain, have pity parties, give up. But, in that our endurance isn't fully developed... and our lives begin to resemble an unsettled wave of the sea. Today, with paperwork halfway around the world and a daughter lying alone tonight, my heart is fighting anxiety and worry. And then I remember the words in my heart and I am leaning in tight on them.....
DO NOT WAVER.
The paperwork we have spent six months on and the forms we have driven all over the state to have notarized, signed, sealed, and verified are en route to Ethiopia. It's hard to believe and it's even difficult to wrap my mind around in a weird way... It's what we've been waiting on for so long, yet it feels like it all happened fast at the same time. It's just... surreal. And exciting. And frustrating. And difficult. And scary. And overwhelming. And bigger than us.
Early in the summer I told Brycen and Regan the three of us were going to memorize the first chapter of James. James is my favorite book of the BIble, full of "ouches" and polarizing commands. That's why I love it. Just when I get prideful and arrogant a few sentences into James and I am humbled and ready to see myself in need of a Healer, again. So we started on James this week. We are memorizing two verses a day and I have been amazed at how quickly the kids memorize it and retain it day after day (it's not that easy when you get older!). But, it has been such a joy to talk to them everyday about what the verses mean. You know, what they REALLY mean... not what I want them to mean or what will fit into my life easily. To hear them ask questions and really grab hold of the words James was teaching believers has blown me away. For so long I have heard the words..."when trouble comes your way consider an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Isn't that hard to even grasp? Perfect. Complete. Needing Nothing. All through the testing of our faith and allowing our endurance to grow.
When I asked the kids about things that might test their faith they gave some great answers. Then I explained that with the adoption there
might be days and weeks and months that go by where we don't see or hear anything. But, it doesn't mean we lose our faith! Regan said, "Yea, Mom. We can't lose our faith at all. God knows and sees our sister all the time. We can't lose faith on that!" I think she gets it. Then I said, "So when trouble comes our way are we supposed to complain or gripe or have a pity party or be selfish or throw our hands up and walk away?" Brycen replied, "No Mom. Choose joy instead. Mr. Kent (our children's pastor) said joy isn't about circumstance. It's about having Jesus." Um, I think he gets it, too.
We spent the next days talking about wisdom and the difference in knowledge and wisdom. As James teaches, we spent one entire lunch around the table talking about asking "our generous God" for wisdom and the fact that "He will give it to you." I, too often, have stopped there, because you know, that fits into my life.... ask God for wisdom and He will give it to me. But, the passage doesn't end there. It goes on to say that "when you ask make sure your faith is in God alone. Do not waver. For a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the waves of the sea that are being blown and tossed by the wind. " Ouch. One phrase continually jumps out at me when the kids repeat these
verses or when it comes my turn to recite them: DO NOT WAVER.
Divided loyalty is obviously a big deal to God. The passage actually goes on to say that a person with loyalty divided between God and the
world should not expect to receive anything from the Lord and that they are unstable in everything they do. Have you ever known someone whose life just seemed blown and tossed by the wind all the time? Unsettled? Unstable? It was great conversation pouring into the kids that though I, nor Mark, have it mastered, God gives us clear direction how to live a life that ISN"T characterized that way: don't be divided in your loyalty. DO NOT WAVER. Even when the timing isn't what I would've hoped for. Even when it gets hard. Even when it feels out of my hands. Even when it's bigger than me. Especially when it's bigger than me. Do not waver.
Initially I thought James would be a great place to start memorizing a chapter because it IS so relevant to life, to living, to relationships. What I didn't expect was to find hidden in those verses a sweet treasure for my heart, my longing heart. Don't be divided in my loyalty to God. No matter what happens, what doesn't happen, what we hear, what we don't hear. Our daughter is His, even more than she is ours. He loves her, even more than we love her. He has known her since the beginning of time, and He knows the number of her days. Even when I cry myself to sleep longing to make sure she is safe, do not waver. Even when no one seems to have answers, He knows every date, every court proceeding, every timeline. Do not waver. When I am tempted to rely on statistics and averages... Do not waver.
As you face "troubles that come your way" I am praying together we can choose to make it an opportunity for joy. It is so much easier to complain, have pity parties, give up. But, in that our endurance isn't fully developed... and our lives begin to resemble an unsettled wave of the sea. Today, with paperwork halfway around the world and a daughter lying alone tonight, my heart is fighting anxiety and worry. And then I remember the words in my heart and I am leaning in tight on them.....
DO NOT WAVER.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
He's got this....
Big Sigh.
We are praying super, big, God-sized prayers this week at our house! We completed (with the help of friends who wrote recommendation letters, notarized, etc) our dossier this week and turned it in to our agency!!! Basically, the dossier is a combination of all the paperwork we have been working on the past six months. Each piece had to be notarized then sealed at the county level and authenticated again at the state level (hence, our trip to Nashville Monday). So, after making 1.2347 billion copies and compiling the originals in order to go, we were done. I sat in the car driving home from FedExOffice after making all those copies and kept noticing that pile of paperwork. I couldn't help but cry. One time I nearly had to pull over. It feels so surreal and so.. out of my hands. My personality doesn't always thrive on "out of my hands" mode (ahem, yes, I am type A). However, as I cried in the car I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the assurance that those papers have always been and will continue to be under the tight, precise control of our Heavenly Father, the One who already knows our sweet daughter and every hair on her head. I prayed through my tears that I would continually lean into Him with the wholehearted confidence that those papers in His hands are far better cared for than in mine. I even said aloud to remind myself, "He's got this. He SO has got this." And I believe that. I tend to be task oriented... working hard on something until it is complete. Now that my part of this process is complete, I know there will be days that come that the waiting will be tiresome and the "no news" will be frustrating. However, He has confirmed over and over again throughout this process that details aren't difficult for Him and timing is His specialty. He's got this.
What's next?
When I dropped our dossier off Tuesday I talked with our social worker about what's next. And timing. Of course it is like being a labor nurse when patients would ask me, "how much longer?" To which I usually replied, "if I could answer that I would be a millionaire." There are certainly average time lines to pull from and there exceptions both early and late to every one of those. But, here is what we know:
Our paperwork was sent overnight Tuesday night to Grand Rapids to the Bethany Christian home office. From there, they will review it and make sure it is all in order. Yes, having 3 or 4 sets of eyes reviewing it is necessary... after looking at it as long as we have it all looks the same. Once they confirm it is ready they will send it to the US Consulate in Washington DC for federal authentication. From there it is sent back to Grand Rapids and the Friday following them receiving it they will send it to Ethiopia (they only ship to Ethiopia on Fridays). Once it arrives in Ethiopia it will be translated and sent to wait until we receive and accept a referral. We should get word when it goes off to the Consulate and when Grand Rapids sends it to Ethiopia. The average wait time for a referral of an older child is 3-6 mo. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, like a couple whose paperwork went to Grand Rapids and when it was just at the Consulate a week later they got a referral because the Grand Rapids office is in touch with the orphanages in Ethiopia they get referrals from. So, once Grand Rapids knows our dossier is in process they are looking for a match for us (a female from 2-5 years). We are praying big, God-sized prayers for a quick referral and for favor in the waiting. He's got this. He SO has got this.
Even if the wait grows long, we stand confidant that He has the little girl already chosen for our family and He knows exactly when she will be declared a McKeehan. Once we accept a referral the average wait time to go to court (our first trip to Ethiopia where Mark and I will meet her and she will legally become our daughter) is 12-15 weeks. We will go to Ethiopia for 10 days and spend a couple of hours each day with her on that trip. Then, we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment which is (again, on average) 6-8 weeks from the court trip. If there is going to be a delay in the process due to the recent changes in Ethiopian government it would be between the court and Embassy trips. However, so far, the MOWA letters have stayed about on track! Once we go back to Ethiopia for the Embassy trip we will be able to get our daughter the first day and keep her with us from then on! That, too, will last about 10 days then we will come home and introduce her to all of you!
It seems so simple to type out. As you can see, the paperwork being done is just one piece (though a huge one!) to this puzzle. The emotional part of this is something I don't think I could've ever been prepared for. The closer I feel like we are getting, the farther away Ethiopia feels. I am not sure why, it just feels so close, yet so far. Please continue to pray for us as we wait. We are asking for supernatural comfort, for discernment and judgement on the part of those making decisions regarding referral, for efficiency and accuracy of those working on our paperwork/mailing, and for our daughter to somehow know she is thought of, fought for, and loved unconditionally. Just when I get overwhelmed I am reminded that Isaiah teaches us to wait on the Lord for renewed strength. I've blogged about it before, but it tends to get so easy to wait for the next form, next signature, next money, next step. But, none of those renew our strength and all of them are limited in supply. Waiting on the Limitless One renews our strength. I'm so glad I know Him. And I am so glad
He's got this....
We are praying super, big, God-sized prayers this week at our house! We completed (with the help of friends who wrote recommendation letters, notarized, etc) our dossier this week and turned it in to our agency!!! Basically, the dossier is a combination of all the paperwork we have been working on the past six months. Each piece had to be notarized then sealed at the county level and authenticated again at the state level (hence, our trip to Nashville Monday). So, after making 1.2347 billion copies and compiling the originals in order to go, we were done. I sat in the car driving home from FedExOffice after making all those copies and kept noticing that pile of paperwork. I couldn't help but cry. One time I nearly had to pull over. It feels so surreal and so.. out of my hands. My personality doesn't always thrive on "out of my hands" mode (ahem, yes, I am type A). However, as I cried in the car I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the assurance that those papers have always been and will continue to be under the tight, precise control of our Heavenly Father, the One who already knows our sweet daughter and every hair on her head. I prayed through my tears that I would continually lean into Him with the wholehearted confidence that those papers in His hands are far better cared for than in mine. I even said aloud to remind myself, "He's got this. He SO has got this." And I believe that. I tend to be task oriented... working hard on something until it is complete. Now that my part of this process is complete, I know there will be days that come that the waiting will be tiresome and the "no news" will be frustrating. However, He has confirmed over and over again throughout this process that details aren't difficult for Him and timing is His specialty. He's got this.
What's next?
When I dropped our dossier off Tuesday I talked with our social worker about what's next. And timing. Of course it is like being a labor nurse when patients would ask me, "how much longer?" To which I usually replied, "if I could answer that I would be a millionaire." There are certainly average time lines to pull from and there exceptions both early and late to every one of those. But, here is what we know:
Our paperwork was sent overnight Tuesday night to Grand Rapids to the Bethany Christian home office. From there, they will review it and make sure it is all in order. Yes, having 3 or 4 sets of eyes reviewing it is necessary... after looking at it as long as we have it all looks the same. Once they confirm it is ready they will send it to the US Consulate in Washington DC for federal authentication. From there it is sent back to Grand Rapids and the Friday following them receiving it they will send it to Ethiopia (they only ship to Ethiopia on Fridays). Once it arrives in Ethiopia it will be translated and sent to wait until we receive and accept a referral. We should get word when it goes off to the Consulate and when Grand Rapids sends it to Ethiopia. The average wait time for a referral of an older child is 3-6 mo. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, like a couple whose paperwork went to Grand Rapids and when it was just at the Consulate a week later they got a referral because the Grand Rapids office is in touch with the orphanages in Ethiopia they get referrals from. So, once Grand Rapids knows our dossier is in process they are looking for a match for us (a female from 2-5 years). We are praying big, God-sized prayers for a quick referral and for favor in the waiting. He's got this. He SO has got this.
Even if the wait grows long, we stand confidant that He has the little girl already chosen for our family and He knows exactly when she will be declared a McKeehan. Once we accept a referral the average wait time to go to court (our first trip to Ethiopia where Mark and I will meet her and she will legally become our daughter) is 12-15 weeks. We will go to Ethiopia for 10 days and spend a couple of hours each day with her on that trip. Then, we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment which is (again, on average) 6-8 weeks from the court trip. If there is going to be a delay in the process due to the recent changes in Ethiopian government it would be between the court and Embassy trips. However, so far, the MOWA letters have stayed about on track! Once we go back to Ethiopia for the Embassy trip we will be able to get our daughter the first day and keep her with us from then on! That, too, will last about 10 days then we will come home and introduce her to all of you!
It seems so simple to type out. As you can see, the paperwork being done is just one piece (though a huge one!) to this puzzle. The emotional part of this is something I don't think I could've ever been prepared for. The closer I feel like we are getting, the farther away Ethiopia feels. I am not sure why, it just feels so close, yet so far. Please continue to pray for us as we wait. We are asking for supernatural comfort, for discernment and judgement on the part of those making decisions regarding referral, for efficiency and accuracy of those working on our paperwork/mailing, and for our daughter to somehow know she is thought of, fought for, and loved unconditionally. Just when I get overwhelmed I am reminded that Isaiah teaches us to wait on the Lord for renewed strength. I've blogged about it before, but it tends to get so easy to wait for the next form, next signature, next money, next step. But, none of those renew our strength and all of them are limited in supply. Waiting on the Limitless One renews our strength. I'm so glad I know Him. And I am so glad
He's got this....
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