Our house has an even female to male ratio for the first time in, well, since I don't know when. Regan and I stayed up late tonight playing Scrabble and eating ice cream. Such treasured moments. But, I told her we needed to go bed and she was excited because one of the advantages of Daddy being gone is being able to sleep with Mom! We cuddled in bed and she said, "Mom can we talk about my sister for a few minutes? I have some questions." So, I assured her she could always ask questions and we talked. I don't want to go into all the details of her questions, it was such a special, personal 45 minutes for the two of us. But among things we talked about were the wait, the process, travel trips, sharing a room, playing games that don't require the same language, painting nails, her name, etc. I did need to get up from bed due to ceaseless tears after our prayer time together. Regan quickly fell asleep, oblivious she had just taught me a life-changing lesson. Here was her prayer, in part:
"God, please help my sister have a good day today since she is just now getting up. Only You can help her know she has a family who loves her. Help her to also know it is a fun family. Oh and also, let her know she has a bed, a pillow, silly brothers, a Mom, a Dad, and a sister who all love her so much. And one thing I have been thinking about it is that I don't know if I said, 'thank you' today for giving us the money to adopt. Thanks for all our great friends who have helped us, for the fundraisers, and for the money mommy and daddy saved. But, we know you are the Ultimate Provider, so thank you. in Jesus Name, Amen."
Her heart to genuinely see God for who He is and for what He is capable of as well as what He has already done humbles me to my core. I'm just a weepy Momma tonight, overwhelmed with blessing. And to our Jehovah-Jirah, our Provider, we say, "Thank you."
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Adopting. Still.
I woke at 4am today to pray with Mark and Brycen before they left for the airport. They are on a team of 17 people from our church going to Nicaragua for 9 days. Brycen has successfully had his first flight from Knoxville to Atlanta this morning and thought to call his mom while he enjoyed his McDonald's biscuit! I am so excited for him and what God has in store for his heart this week as he plays and makes friends with the purpose of talking to children about Jesus (a responsibility he has taken very seriously). When I hugged him this morning I told him I would pray for him everyday and told him the next time I see him he won't be the same. Ever. He looked at me funny and I said, "God is going to use you to change the lives of others. When He does that, He always changes you, too." He smiled big and hugged me one last time. Isn't it just like our God to give us such a double blessing that when we pour our lives out into others He fills up to overflowing? Amazing. But, He is also the same God who is working all over the world. I talked to Brycen about this yesterday: that He can use the team in Nicaragua, use us at home, and still never miss a minute or detail of his sister's life in Ethiopia. He is the God who never sleeps or slumbers and the God who calls us His own once we have trusted his gift of Jesus as our only hope for salvation.
He calls us His own. He adopts us.
I briefly mentioned in a previous blog about a video Mark and I watched about adoption. On the video a man mentioned the fact that the love he has for his adopted children is in no way different than the love for his biological children. Not one ounce. And then he went on to make the correlation that God was clear in His word about His adopting us (Ephesians 1:5) with the assumption that as believers we would understand adoption personally (James 1:27). By understanding physical adoption personally, we understand our own adoption in Christ....therefore understanding, that when we are adopted into God's family He loves us just like He loves His very own son, Jesus. I don't know about you, but the mere thought of that overwhelms me. It often stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears. His love, His ways, His persistence towards us just never gets old.
So, now to our adoption. Our paperwork is in Ethiopia being translated (what kind of person has that much patience?). So, now we just wait. I recently bought a black shirt that simply reads in silver letters : adopting. still.
We have been so blessed with great support that I never get tired of people asking about where we are in our adoption process. It just feels monotonous to keep saying, "Still waiting." I figured I could easily put on the shirt and everyone knows we are, well, adopting. still. That being said, it draws me back to Jesus. When I think about our family growing through adoption, I can see an end in sight (even though I don't know an exact time line). Mark and I may eventually adopt again. But, the fact remains, one day our family will be complete. No more adopting. still.
The fact that God's family is never complete astounds me, but I am so grateful! What if He had declared His family "big enough" before I trusted Him? He is in the constant state of pursuing, drawing, fighting for souls, for more children. He sent Jesus so there would never be a stopping date (until we are all in our eternal state after His reign on earth). As I pray to the God who is global, limitless, timeless, and constant I am praying for the Nicaragua team who are sharing His love to those who do not know Him. This morning as I prayed I reached for my black shirt with silver letters and it hit me! The only reason we can pray and have any confidence and hope that others will find Him this week in Nicaragua is because He is...
Adopting. Still.
He calls us His own. He adopts us.
I briefly mentioned in a previous blog about a video Mark and I watched about adoption. On the video a man mentioned the fact that the love he has for his adopted children is in no way different than the love for his biological children. Not one ounce. And then he went on to make the correlation that God was clear in His word about His adopting us (Ephesians 1:5) with the assumption that as believers we would understand adoption personally (James 1:27). By understanding physical adoption personally, we understand our own adoption in Christ....therefore understanding, that when we are adopted into God's family He loves us just like He loves His very own son, Jesus. I don't know about you, but the mere thought of that overwhelms me. It often stops me in my tracks and brings me to tears. His love, His ways, His persistence towards us just never gets old.
So, now to our adoption. Our paperwork is in Ethiopia being translated (what kind of person has that much patience?). So, now we just wait. I recently bought a black shirt that simply reads in silver letters : adopting. still.
We have been so blessed with great support that I never get tired of people asking about where we are in our adoption process. It just feels monotonous to keep saying, "Still waiting." I figured I could easily put on the shirt and everyone knows we are, well, adopting. still. That being said, it draws me back to Jesus. When I think about our family growing through adoption, I can see an end in sight (even though I don't know an exact time line). Mark and I may eventually adopt again. But, the fact remains, one day our family will be complete. No more adopting. still.
The fact that God's family is never complete astounds me, but I am so grateful! What if He had declared His family "big enough" before I trusted Him? He is in the constant state of pursuing, drawing, fighting for souls, for more children. He sent Jesus so there would never be a stopping date (until we are all in our eternal state after His reign on earth). As I pray to the God who is global, limitless, timeless, and constant I am praying for the Nicaragua team who are sharing His love to those who do not know Him. This morning as I prayed I reached for my black shirt with silver letters and it hit me! The only reason we can pray and have any confidence and hope that others will find Him this week in Nicaragua is because He is...
Adopting. Still.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Do Not Waver....
It's surreal.
The paperwork we have spent six months on and the forms we have driven all over the state to have notarized, signed, sealed, and verified are en route to Ethiopia. It's hard to believe and it's even difficult to wrap my mind around in a weird way... It's what we've been waiting on for so long, yet it feels like it all happened fast at the same time. It's just... surreal. And exciting. And frustrating. And difficult. And scary. And overwhelming. And bigger than us.
Early in the summer I told Brycen and Regan the three of us were going to memorize the first chapter of James. James is my favorite book of the BIble, full of "ouches" and polarizing commands. That's why I love it. Just when I get prideful and arrogant a few sentences into James and I am humbled and ready to see myself in need of a Healer, again. So we started on James this week. We are memorizing two verses a day and I have been amazed at how quickly the kids memorize it and retain it day after day (it's not that easy when you get older!). But, it has been such a joy to talk to them everyday about what the verses mean. You know, what they REALLY mean... not what I want them to mean or what will fit into my life easily. To hear them ask questions and really grab hold of the words James was teaching believers has blown me away. For so long I have heard the words..."when trouble comes your way consider an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Isn't that hard to even grasp? Perfect. Complete. Needing Nothing. All through the testing of our faith and allowing our endurance to grow.
When I asked the kids about things that might test their faith they gave some great answers. Then I explained that with the adoption there
might be days and weeks and months that go by where we don't see or hear anything. But, it doesn't mean we lose our faith! Regan said, "Yea, Mom. We can't lose our faith at all. God knows and sees our sister all the time. We can't lose faith on that!" I think she gets it. Then I said, "So when trouble comes our way are we supposed to complain or gripe or have a pity party or be selfish or throw our hands up and walk away?" Brycen replied, "No Mom. Choose joy instead. Mr. Kent (our children's pastor) said joy isn't about circumstance. It's about having Jesus." Um, I think he gets it, too.
We spent the next days talking about wisdom and the difference in knowledge and wisdom. As James teaches, we spent one entire lunch around the table talking about asking "our generous God" for wisdom and the fact that "He will give it to you." I, too often, have stopped there, because you know, that fits into my life.... ask God for wisdom and He will give it to me. But, the passage doesn't end there. It goes on to say that "when you ask make sure your faith is in God alone. Do not waver. For a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the waves of the sea that are being blown and tossed by the wind. " Ouch. One phrase continually jumps out at me when the kids repeat these
verses or when it comes my turn to recite them: DO NOT WAVER.
Divided loyalty is obviously a big deal to God. The passage actually goes on to say that a person with loyalty divided between God and the
world should not expect to receive anything from the Lord and that they are unstable in everything they do. Have you ever known someone whose life just seemed blown and tossed by the wind all the time? Unsettled? Unstable? It was great conversation pouring into the kids that though I, nor Mark, have it mastered, God gives us clear direction how to live a life that ISN"T characterized that way: don't be divided in your loyalty. DO NOT WAVER. Even when the timing isn't what I would've hoped for. Even when it gets hard. Even when it feels out of my hands. Even when it's bigger than me. Especially when it's bigger than me. Do not waver.
Initially I thought James would be a great place to start memorizing a chapter because it IS so relevant to life, to living, to relationships. What I didn't expect was to find hidden in those verses a sweet treasure for my heart, my longing heart. Don't be divided in my loyalty to God. No matter what happens, what doesn't happen, what we hear, what we don't hear. Our daughter is His, even more than she is ours. He loves her, even more than we love her. He has known her since the beginning of time, and He knows the number of her days. Even when I cry myself to sleep longing to make sure she is safe, do not waver. Even when no one seems to have answers, He knows every date, every court proceeding, every timeline. Do not waver. When I am tempted to rely on statistics and averages... Do not waver.
As you face "troubles that come your way" I am praying together we can choose to make it an opportunity for joy. It is so much easier to complain, have pity parties, give up. But, in that our endurance isn't fully developed... and our lives begin to resemble an unsettled wave of the sea. Today, with paperwork halfway around the world and a daughter lying alone tonight, my heart is fighting anxiety and worry. And then I remember the words in my heart and I am leaning in tight on them.....
DO NOT WAVER.
The paperwork we have spent six months on and the forms we have driven all over the state to have notarized, signed, sealed, and verified are en route to Ethiopia. It's hard to believe and it's even difficult to wrap my mind around in a weird way... It's what we've been waiting on for so long, yet it feels like it all happened fast at the same time. It's just... surreal. And exciting. And frustrating. And difficult. And scary. And overwhelming. And bigger than us.
Early in the summer I told Brycen and Regan the three of us were going to memorize the first chapter of James. James is my favorite book of the BIble, full of "ouches" and polarizing commands. That's why I love it. Just when I get prideful and arrogant a few sentences into James and I am humbled and ready to see myself in need of a Healer, again. So we started on James this week. We are memorizing two verses a day and I have been amazed at how quickly the kids memorize it and retain it day after day (it's not that easy when you get older!). But, it has been such a joy to talk to them everyday about what the verses mean. You know, what they REALLY mean... not what I want them to mean or what will fit into my life easily. To hear them ask questions and really grab hold of the words James was teaching believers has blown me away. For so long I have heard the words..."when trouble comes your way consider an opportunity for great joy. For when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow! For when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." Isn't that hard to even grasp? Perfect. Complete. Needing Nothing. All through the testing of our faith and allowing our endurance to grow.
When I asked the kids about things that might test their faith they gave some great answers. Then I explained that with the adoption there
might be days and weeks and months that go by where we don't see or hear anything. But, it doesn't mean we lose our faith! Regan said, "Yea, Mom. We can't lose our faith at all. God knows and sees our sister all the time. We can't lose faith on that!" I think she gets it. Then I said, "So when trouble comes our way are we supposed to complain or gripe or have a pity party or be selfish or throw our hands up and walk away?" Brycen replied, "No Mom. Choose joy instead. Mr. Kent (our children's pastor) said joy isn't about circumstance. It's about having Jesus." Um, I think he gets it, too.
We spent the next days talking about wisdom and the difference in knowledge and wisdom. As James teaches, we spent one entire lunch around the table talking about asking "our generous God" for wisdom and the fact that "He will give it to you." I, too often, have stopped there, because you know, that fits into my life.... ask God for wisdom and He will give it to me. But, the passage doesn't end there. It goes on to say that "when you ask make sure your faith is in God alone. Do not waver. For a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as the waves of the sea that are being blown and tossed by the wind. " Ouch. One phrase continually jumps out at me when the kids repeat these
verses or when it comes my turn to recite them: DO NOT WAVER.
Divided loyalty is obviously a big deal to God. The passage actually goes on to say that a person with loyalty divided between God and the
world should not expect to receive anything from the Lord and that they are unstable in everything they do. Have you ever known someone whose life just seemed blown and tossed by the wind all the time? Unsettled? Unstable? It was great conversation pouring into the kids that though I, nor Mark, have it mastered, God gives us clear direction how to live a life that ISN"T characterized that way: don't be divided in your loyalty. DO NOT WAVER. Even when the timing isn't what I would've hoped for. Even when it gets hard. Even when it feels out of my hands. Even when it's bigger than me. Especially when it's bigger than me. Do not waver.
Initially I thought James would be a great place to start memorizing a chapter because it IS so relevant to life, to living, to relationships. What I didn't expect was to find hidden in those verses a sweet treasure for my heart, my longing heart. Don't be divided in my loyalty to God. No matter what happens, what doesn't happen, what we hear, what we don't hear. Our daughter is His, even more than she is ours. He loves her, even more than we love her. He has known her since the beginning of time, and He knows the number of her days. Even when I cry myself to sleep longing to make sure she is safe, do not waver. Even when no one seems to have answers, He knows every date, every court proceeding, every timeline. Do not waver. When I am tempted to rely on statistics and averages... Do not waver.
As you face "troubles that come your way" I am praying together we can choose to make it an opportunity for joy. It is so much easier to complain, have pity parties, give up. But, in that our endurance isn't fully developed... and our lives begin to resemble an unsettled wave of the sea. Today, with paperwork halfway around the world and a daughter lying alone tonight, my heart is fighting anxiety and worry. And then I remember the words in my heart and I am leaning in tight on them.....
DO NOT WAVER.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
He's got this....
Big Sigh.
We are praying super, big, God-sized prayers this week at our house! We completed (with the help of friends who wrote recommendation letters, notarized, etc) our dossier this week and turned it in to our agency!!! Basically, the dossier is a combination of all the paperwork we have been working on the past six months. Each piece had to be notarized then sealed at the county level and authenticated again at the state level (hence, our trip to Nashville Monday). So, after making 1.2347 billion copies and compiling the originals in order to go, we were done. I sat in the car driving home from FedExOffice after making all those copies and kept noticing that pile of paperwork. I couldn't help but cry. One time I nearly had to pull over. It feels so surreal and so.. out of my hands. My personality doesn't always thrive on "out of my hands" mode (ahem, yes, I am type A). However, as I cried in the car I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the assurance that those papers have always been and will continue to be under the tight, precise control of our Heavenly Father, the One who already knows our sweet daughter and every hair on her head. I prayed through my tears that I would continually lean into Him with the wholehearted confidence that those papers in His hands are far better cared for than in mine. I even said aloud to remind myself, "He's got this. He SO has got this." And I believe that. I tend to be task oriented... working hard on something until it is complete. Now that my part of this process is complete, I know there will be days that come that the waiting will be tiresome and the "no news" will be frustrating. However, He has confirmed over and over again throughout this process that details aren't difficult for Him and timing is His specialty. He's got this.
What's next?
When I dropped our dossier off Tuesday I talked with our social worker about what's next. And timing. Of course it is like being a labor nurse when patients would ask me, "how much longer?" To which I usually replied, "if I could answer that I would be a millionaire." There are certainly average time lines to pull from and there exceptions both early and late to every one of those. But, here is what we know:
Our paperwork was sent overnight Tuesday night to Grand Rapids to the Bethany Christian home office. From there, they will review it and make sure it is all in order. Yes, having 3 or 4 sets of eyes reviewing it is necessary... after looking at it as long as we have it all looks the same. Once they confirm it is ready they will send it to the US Consulate in Washington DC for federal authentication. From there it is sent back to Grand Rapids and the Friday following them receiving it they will send it to Ethiopia (they only ship to Ethiopia on Fridays). Once it arrives in Ethiopia it will be translated and sent to wait until we receive and accept a referral. We should get word when it goes off to the Consulate and when Grand Rapids sends it to Ethiopia. The average wait time for a referral of an older child is 3-6 mo. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, like a couple whose paperwork went to Grand Rapids and when it was just at the Consulate a week later they got a referral because the Grand Rapids office is in touch with the orphanages in Ethiopia they get referrals from. So, once Grand Rapids knows our dossier is in process they are looking for a match for us (a female from 2-5 years). We are praying big, God-sized prayers for a quick referral and for favor in the waiting. He's got this. He SO has got this.
Even if the wait grows long, we stand confidant that He has the little girl already chosen for our family and He knows exactly when she will be declared a McKeehan. Once we accept a referral the average wait time to go to court (our first trip to Ethiopia where Mark and I will meet her and she will legally become our daughter) is 12-15 weeks. We will go to Ethiopia for 10 days and spend a couple of hours each day with her on that trip. Then, we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment which is (again, on average) 6-8 weeks from the court trip. If there is going to be a delay in the process due to the recent changes in Ethiopian government it would be between the court and Embassy trips. However, so far, the MOWA letters have stayed about on track! Once we go back to Ethiopia for the Embassy trip we will be able to get our daughter the first day and keep her with us from then on! That, too, will last about 10 days then we will come home and introduce her to all of you!
It seems so simple to type out. As you can see, the paperwork being done is just one piece (though a huge one!) to this puzzle. The emotional part of this is something I don't think I could've ever been prepared for. The closer I feel like we are getting, the farther away Ethiopia feels. I am not sure why, it just feels so close, yet so far. Please continue to pray for us as we wait. We are asking for supernatural comfort, for discernment and judgement on the part of those making decisions regarding referral, for efficiency and accuracy of those working on our paperwork/mailing, and for our daughter to somehow know she is thought of, fought for, and loved unconditionally. Just when I get overwhelmed I am reminded that Isaiah teaches us to wait on the Lord for renewed strength. I've blogged about it before, but it tends to get so easy to wait for the next form, next signature, next money, next step. But, none of those renew our strength and all of them are limited in supply. Waiting on the Limitless One renews our strength. I'm so glad I know Him. And I am so glad
He's got this....
We are praying super, big, God-sized prayers this week at our house! We completed (with the help of friends who wrote recommendation letters, notarized, etc) our dossier this week and turned it in to our agency!!! Basically, the dossier is a combination of all the paperwork we have been working on the past six months. Each piece had to be notarized then sealed at the county level and authenticated again at the state level (hence, our trip to Nashville Monday). So, after making 1.2347 billion copies and compiling the originals in order to go, we were done. I sat in the car driving home from FedExOffice after making all those copies and kept noticing that pile of paperwork. I couldn't help but cry. One time I nearly had to pull over. It feels so surreal and so.. out of my hands. My personality doesn't always thrive on "out of my hands" mode (ahem, yes, I am type A). However, as I cried in the car I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with the assurance that those papers have always been and will continue to be under the tight, precise control of our Heavenly Father, the One who already knows our sweet daughter and every hair on her head. I prayed through my tears that I would continually lean into Him with the wholehearted confidence that those papers in His hands are far better cared for than in mine. I even said aloud to remind myself, "He's got this. He SO has got this." And I believe that. I tend to be task oriented... working hard on something until it is complete. Now that my part of this process is complete, I know there will be days that come that the waiting will be tiresome and the "no news" will be frustrating. However, He has confirmed over and over again throughout this process that details aren't difficult for Him and timing is His specialty. He's got this.
What's next?
When I dropped our dossier off Tuesday I talked with our social worker about what's next. And timing. Of course it is like being a labor nurse when patients would ask me, "how much longer?" To which I usually replied, "if I could answer that I would be a millionaire." There are certainly average time lines to pull from and there exceptions both early and late to every one of those. But, here is what we know:
Our paperwork was sent overnight Tuesday night to Grand Rapids to the Bethany Christian home office. From there, they will review it and make sure it is all in order. Yes, having 3 or 4 sets of eyes reviewing it is necessary... after looking at it as long as we have it all looks the same. Once they confirm it is ready they will send it to the US Consulate in Washington DC for federal authentication. From there it is sent back to Grand Rapids and the Friday following them receiving it they will send it to Ethiopia (they only ship to Ethiopia on Fridays). Once it arrives in Ethiopia it will be translated and sent to wait until we receive and accept a referral. We should get word when it goes off to the Consulate and when Grand Rapids sends it to Ethiopia. The average wait time for a referral of an older child is 3-6 mo. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, like a couple whose paperwork went to Grand Rapids and when it was just at the Consulate a week later they got a referral because the Grand Rapids office is in touch with the orphanages in Ethiopia they get referrals from. So, once Grand Rapids knows our dossier is in process they are looking for a match for us (a female from 2-5 years). We are praying big, God-sized prayers for a quick referral and for favor in the waiting. He's got this. He SO has got this.
Even if the wait grows long, we stand confidant that He has the little girl already chosen for our family and He knows exactly when she will be declared a McKeehan. Once we accept a referral the average wait time to go to court (our first trip to Ethiopia where Mark and I will meet her and she will legally become our daughter) is 12-15 weeks. We will go to Ethiopia for 10 days and spend a couple of hours each day with her on that trip. Then, we will come home and wait for an Embassy appointment which is (again, on average) 6-8 weeks from the court trip. If there is going to be a delay in the process due to the recent changes in Ethiopian government it would be between the court and Embassy trips. However, so far, the MOWA letters have stayed about on track! Once we go back to Ethiopia for the Embassy trip we will be able to get our daughter the first day and keep her with us from then on! That, too, will last about 10 days then we will come home and introduce her to all of you!
It seems so simple to type out. As you can see, the paperwork being done is just one piece (though a huge one!) to this puzzle. The emotional part of this is something I don't think I could've ever been prepared for. The closer I feel like we are getting, the farther away Ethiopia feels. I am not sure why, it just feels so close, yet so far. Please continue to pray for us as we wait. We are asking for supernatural comfort, for discernment and judgement on the part of those making decisions regarding referral, for efficiency and accuracy of those working on our paperwork/mailing, and for our daughter to somehow know she is thought of, fought for, and loved unconditionally. Just when I get overwhelmed I am reminded that Isaiah teaches us to wait on the Lord for renewed strength. I've blogged about it before, but it tends to get so easy to wait for the next form, next signature, next money, next step. But, none of those renew our strength and all of them are limited in supply. Waiting on the Limitless One renews our strength. I'm so glad I know Him. And I am so glad
He's got this....
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Strangely familiar
Father's Day.
It's familiar... we have a fun family tradition of eating Marble Slab ice cream for dinner on Father's Day. Hey, when it's father's day, Dad decides the menu and he decided years ago it would always be ice cream! We usually work hard to spend time with both of our dads as well.
It's familiar.
But it's also strange....this year. Much like my emotions of Mother's Day, I am sensing Father's Day in the waiting isn't easy either. We spent this morning at Krispy Kreme for breakfast then went out looking for an umbrella for our outdoor table. Mark had suggested that as a Father's day gift. However, when we went to Lowe's he spotted a bug zapper (yes, the kind with the ultraviolet light that attracts bugs and then zaps them). He insisted he wanted the bug zapper for Father's Day. He has vivid and special memories of sitting out on each of his grandfather's porches watching their zappers. So, we got home, he mounted a hook for it, plugged it in, and said, "Now, tonight we can come out here and sit and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."
Sigh.
Father's day isn't easy either.
When I was pregnant all four times I have memories of longing to see and hold the wee one growing inside. I didn't know exactly what he/she would look like, how much each would weigh, and often not even the name. But, I knew I loved each uniquely, wholly, and unconditionally. And, longing for the baby to be born doesn't take away one ounce of love you have the other children in your home... it actually adds to it. Because of the love we have for the other children, we are better able to understand the love and relationship we will have with our newborns.
Adoption can often mimic those emotions. However, there are a few differences. First, the timetable. It is so variable and so unpredictable. Could it be 6 months? With a miracle, yes. Could it be 18 more months? yes. Second, she is alive and away. Our daughter isn't growing safe inside with loving arms awaiting her birth. Loving arms waiting? YOU BET! But, with so much history... every day matters. It's a bit strange to celebrate Father's Day with one child away. I know it isn't easy for Mark and I am praying the enemy doesn't distract him while he stands to speak in a few hours.
On Father's Day, I celebrate my own dad who taught me about strong work ethic, honesty, integrity at all cost, the importance of the Word, and keeping your promises. Because of his impact, I was able to know a good "keeper" when I saw it! I am so grateful for the Dad and husband that Mark is to me and the kids. Here are a few of my favorite things:
-When he pulls Brycen aside before a ball game and tells him that he is proud of him no matter what. To watch them hug and for Mark to say, "Buddy, I will always be your biggest fan."
-When he watches Regan, especially when she dresses up, and he says, "you are so pretty, Regan." You can just see her melt into a huge grin that stretches from ear to ear. Then, some kind of comment about kissing any boys besides "dad, Pap, or Papa will most assuredly give you coodies..." follows.
-When he scoops Corbin up, sits in the recliner with him and whispers, "Hey, don't tell the other kids, but you are my favorite Corbin in the whole wide world" (then he says it to each of the others individually, filling in their name)
-When he holds Hudson close (Hudson is a Daddy's boy!!!) and Hudson puts his fingers in his mouth, lays his head over, and they hold each other for hours.
-When he looks at me and says, "I have thought about our Ethiopian princess a lot today" or "Tonight we can sit outside and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."
sigh. again.
When I began praying for Mark tonight about the emotions of Father's day in the waiting, God began to speak to me about Father's Day in a fresh, new way. No matter what kind of earthly father we have or even what kind of father our children have.... we have much to celebrate on Father's Day as we celebrate a Father who "rejoices over us with love" (Zephaniah 3:17). A Father who has suffered, sacrificed, and loved us before we even knew Him. A Father who I feel certain at some point in His pursuit of each of us said, "Hey, let's talk about (fill in your name). S(he)'s on my mind." Strangely familiar.
Father's day. Full of traditions, full of celebration, full of thanksgiving, full of memories, full of grief, full of anticipation, full of expectation, full of unknowns, full of knowing something is missing. So thankful for a Father who is there, where pain, joy, and real-life intersect offering healing, hope, and grace. I am celebrating my dad, my children's dad, and my Father who adopted me into a royal priesthood. A Father who loved me, thought of me, dreamed for me, and made a way for me at all cost.
Strangely familiar.
It's familiar... we have a fun family tradition of eating Marble Slab ice cream for dinner on Father's Day. Hey, when it's father's day, Dad decides the menu and he decided years ago it would always be ice cream! We usually work hard to spend time with both of our dads as well.
It's familiar.
But it's also strange....this year. Much like my emotions of Mother's Day, I am sensing Father's Day in the waiting isn't easy either. We spent this morning at Krispy Kreme for breakfast then went out looking for an umbrella for our outdoor table. Mark had suggested that as a Father's day gift. However, when we went to Lowe's he spotted a bug zapper (yes, the kind with the ultraviolet light that attracts bugs and then zaps them). He insisted he wanted the bug zapper for Father's Day. He has vivid and special memories of sitting out on each of his grandfather's porches watching their zappers. So, we got home, he mounted a hook for it, plugged it in, and said, "Now, tonight we can come out here and sit and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."
Sigh.
Father's day isn't easy either.
When I was pregnant all four times I have memories of longing to see and hold the wee one growing inside. I didn't know exactly what he/she would look like, how much each would weigh, and often not even the name. But, I knew I loved each uniquely, wholly, and unconditionally. And, longing for the baby to be born doesn't take away one ounce of love you have the other children in your home... it actually adds to it. Because of the love we have for the other children, we are better able to understand the love and relationship we will have with our newborns.
Adoption can often mimic those emotions. However, there are a few differences. First, the timetable. It is so variable and so unpredictable. Could it be 6 months? With a miracle, yes. Could it be 18 more months? yes. Second, she is alive and away. Our daughter isn't growing safe inside with loving arms awaiting her birth. Loving arms waiting? YOU BET! But, with so much history... every day matters. It's a bit strange to celebrate Father's Day with one child away. I know it isn't easy for Mark and I am praying the enemy doesn't distract him while he stands to speak in a few hours.
On Father's Day, I celebrate my own dad who taught me about strong work ethic, honesty, integrity at all cost, the importance of the Word, and keeping your promises. Because of his impact, I was able to know a good "keeper" when I saw it! I am so grateful for the Dad and husband that Mark is to me and the kids. Here are a few of my favorite things:
-When he pulls Brycen aside before a ball game and tells him that he is proud of him no matter what. To watch them hug and for Mark to say, "Buddy, I will always be your biggest fan."
-When he watches Regan, especially when she dresses up, and he says, "you are so pretty, Regan." You can just see her melt into a huge grin that stretches from ear to ear. Then, some kind of comment about kissing any boys besides "dad, Pap, or Papa will most assuredly give you coodies..." follows.
-When he scoops Corbin up, sits in the recliner with him and whispers, "Hey, don't tell the other kids, but you are my favorite Corbin in the whole wide world" (then he says it to each of the others individually, filling in their name)
-When he holds Hudson close (Hudson is a Daddy's boy!!!) and Hudson puts his fingers in his mouth, lays his head over, and they hold each other for hours.
-When he looks at me and says, "I have thought about our Ethiopian princess a lot today" or "Tonight we can sit outside and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."
sigh. again.
When I began praying for Mark tonight about the emotions of Father's day in the waiting, God began to speak to me about Father's Day in a fresh, new way. No matter what kind of earthly father we have or even what kind of father our children have.... we have much to celebrate on Father's Day as we celebrate a Father who "rejoices over us with love" (Zephaniah 3:17). A Father who has suffered, sacrificed, and loved us before we even knew Him. A Father who I feel certain at some point in His pursuit of each of us said, "Hey, let's talk about (fill in your name). S(he)'s on my mind." Strangely familiar.
Father's day. Full of traditions, full of celebration, full of thanksgiving, full of memories, full of grief, full of anticipation, full of expectation, full of unknowns, full of knowing something is missing. So thankful for a Father who is there, where pain, joy, and real-life intersect offering healing, hope, and grace. I am celebrating my dad, my children's dad, and my Father who adopted me into a royal priesthood. A Father who loved me, thought of me, dreamed for me, and made a way for me at all cost.
Strangely familiar.
Monday, June 13, 2011
In the Waiting....
UPDATE:
IT CAME! IT CAME!!! IT CAME!!!!!!!!!!!! Our last and final form for our dossier arrived in the mail this morning so we spent the rest of the day running around crazy getting all of our paperwork just perfect. Tomorrow I will take it to the county clerk's office for county seals and then we will likely drive it to Nashville at the beginning of next week for state seals. After that it will go to our agency, who will then forward it to the US consulate for federal approval. Then it's OFF TO ETHIOPIA! The process from us taking it to our agency after the county and state seals to it arriving in Ethiopia for translation is around 3 weeks. Prayers for efficient, effective mail service, please! Grateful beyond words.
Original Post:
It has been a wild few weeks for us, so the blog needs some cobwebs to come down!
Our family has been battling viruses, infected bug bites (that ended up with staph & cellulitis), double ear infections, my biopsy site became infected 10 days post-procedure, strep throat, & high fevers. Wanna come over for dinner? Ahem, just kidding. Oh, wait, did I forget in the middle of it all we spent time at Disney (thanks to sweet friends who treated us to a place to stay!). We also made our trek to Nashville for fingerprinting on May 17. The following week I met with our agency & got the final list of paperwork needed to complete our dossier (the big batch of paperwork sent to Ethiopia). The only form we are waiting for is the form issued from immigration that can't be processed until our fingerprints are done. So, guess what I do everyday? Run to the mailbox with high hopes. So far, we continue to wait.
But, in the waiting.......
God continues to do a supernatural work in us. The week prior to our Disney trip was also our anniversary. So, we decided to get away for dinner. Sitter was found, reservations were made. There was only one problem: I cried most of the day. The way God wires us with emotions during the adoption process continues to astound me. On the one hand our daughter felt so close. On the other hand, she felt light years away. My heart was heavy and sad throughout the day. As the day went on I prayed, crying out for comfort for my grief so I could focus on 11 amazing years with my man! I pulled it together enough to get dressed & get the kids fed. However, we didn't make it far when I confessed to Mark that I had had a tough day thinking about our daughter. He chuckled & said, "That's just like God. I've thought about her all day, too." In that moment it occurred to me.... God did send comfort, but it was in the words & sympathy of my sweet husband. We talked through it, cried a little, & enjoyed a great anniversary date.
In the waiting......
God continually grabs my heart in scripture when I read about my rebellion against Him, yet He shows mercy, grace, & steadfast forgiveness towards me. In that, I'm reminded of my need for a Spiritual Father & a Savior. How blessed to know that both are found in the person of Jesus Christ. In my rebellion He chose to adopt me and make me His own. Just tonight Mark & I came across a song by Third Day that is about adoption (www.third day.com/adopted). A man who spoke at the beginning of the song spoke such truth that i was in tears over God's graciousness toward us. He said (& I am not quoting) that adoption had taught him that his adopted children are no different than his natural children to him. And we consider how that translates to our spiritual life, when God adopts us we are no different to Him than His very own son.
Unbelievable.
In the waiting......
I'm learning so much about grace. Packing for & going on vacation nearly killed me. I kept feeling like I was leaving someone out. Repeatedly I would have to remind myself that God's plan & timing are all perfectly calculated. In those minutes & hours of missing her I found God's grace to be sufficient. Without fail. Then, I laughed (though through tears sometimes) while we were gone and 3 of the 4 kids were sick that I was distracted from pondering it too much because I had 3 antibiotics, steroids, Motrin, Tylenol, cough syrup, antacids, and Phenergan to administer to 4 kids who were sick on vacation. In it all we had a great time and again, His grace kept me from bawling my eyes out on more than one occasion!
In the waiting.....
I am seeing God grow our kids into giants of faith! Brycen had to fill out a paper Sunday morning in his small group about a faith journey. One of his questions read, "What have you had to have faith in God for or what was happening in your life when He surprised you in a big way?" My eyes filled with tears immediately when I read his response in red magic marker this morning when I found it. He wrote, "God surprised me that I was getting a sister from Ethiopia!!" I don't think I give this process enough credit for what it's doing IN each of us individually as well as together. When we shared with the kids this week that we only lacked our travel money for the adoption Regan looked at me, like only she can, & said, "Oh good, Momma! That will be easy to get!" I laughed, knowing the cost in my mind (so does she!!) but also knowing she wouldn't have changed her answer even if she had a better grasp of how much money that really is. As we were leaving the Magic Kingdom the last night I said, "guess what? Next time we are here you all will have a new sister!" Later Regan said, "Momma, my sissy is gonna love Disney. And even if she doesn't it will be fun to show her." Yes, sweet pea, it will. I'm thinking about that day more and more....
In the waiting.
IT CAME! IT CAME!!! IT CAME!!!!!!!!!!!! Our last and final form for our dossier arrived in the mail this morning so we spent the rest of the day running around crazy getting all of our paperwork just perfect. Tomorrow I will take it to the county clerk's office for county seals and then we will likely drive it to Nashville at the beginning of next week for state seals. After that it will go to our agency, who will then forward it to the US consulate for federal approval. Then it's OFF TO ETHIOPIA! The process from us taking it to our agency after the county and state seals to it arriving in Ethiopia for translation is around 3 weeks. Prayers for efficient, effective mail service, please! Grateful beyond words.
Original Post:
It has been a wild few weeks for us, so the blog needs some cobwebs to come down!
Our family has been battling viruses, infected bug bites (that ended up with staph & cellulitis), double ear infections, my biopsy site became infected 10 days post-procedure, strep throat, & high fevers. Wanna come over for dinner? Ahem, just kidding. Oh, wait, did I forget in the middle of it all we spent time at Disney (thanks to sweet friends who treated us to a place to stay!). We also made our trek to Nashville for fingerprinting on May 17. The following week I met with our agency & got the final list of paperwork needed to complete our dossier (the big batch of paperwork sent to Ethiopia). The only form we are waiting for is the form issued from immigration that can't be processed until our fingerprints are done. So, guess what I do everyday? Run to the mailbox with high hopes. So far, we continue to wait.
But, in the waiting.......
God continues to do a supernatural work in us. The week prior to our Disney trip was also our anniversary. So, we decided to get away for dinner. Sitter was found, reservations were made. There was only one problem: I cried most of the day. The way God wires us with emotions during the adoption process continues to astound me. On the one hand our daughter felt so close. On the other hand, she felt light years away. My heart was heavy and sad throughout the day. As the day went on I prayed, crying out for comfort for my grief so I could focus on 11 amazing years with my man! I pulled it together enough to get dressed & get the kids fed. However, we didn't make it far when I confessed to Mark that I had had a tough day thinking about our daughter. He chuckled & said, "That's just like God. I've thought about her all day, too." In that moment it occurred to me.... God did send comfort, but it was in the words & sympathy of my sweet husband. We talked through it, cried a little, & enjoyed a great anniversary date.
In the waiting......
God continually grabs my heart in scripture when I read about my rebellion against Him, yet He shows mercy, grace, & steadfast forgiveness towards me. In that, I'm reminded of my need for a Spiritual Father & a Savior. How blessed to know that both are found in the person of Jesus Christ. In my rebellion He chose to adopt me and make me His own. Just tonight Mark & I came across a song by Third Day that is about adoption (www.third day.com/adopted). A man who spoke at the beginning of the song spoke such truth that i was in tears over God's graciousness toward us. He said (& I am not quoting) that adoption had taught him that his adopted children are no different than his natural children to him. And we consider how that translates to our spiritual life, when God adopts us we are no different to Him than His very own son.
Unbelievable.
In the waiting......
I'm learning so much about grace. Packing for & going on vacation nearly killed me. I kept feeling like I was leaving someone out. Repeatedly I would have to remind myself that God's plan & timing are all perfectly calculated. In those minutes & hours of missing her I found God's grace to be sufficient. Without fail. Then, I laughed (though through tears sometimes) while we were gone and 3 of the 4 kids were sick that I was distracted from pondering it too much because I had 3 antibiotics, steroids, Motrin, Tylenol, cough syrup, antacids, and Phenergan to administer to 4 kids who were sick on vacation. In it all we had a great time and again, His grace kept me from bawling my eyes out on more than one occasion!
In the waiting.....
I am seeing God grow our kids into giants of faith! Brycen had to fill out a paper Sunday morning in his small group about a faith journey. One of his questions read, "What have you had to have faith in God for or what was happening in your life when He surprised you in a big way?" My eyes filled with tears immediately when I read his response in red magic marker this morning when I found it. He wrote, "God surprised me that I was getting a sister from Ethiopia!!" I don't think I give this process enough credit for what it's doing IN each of us individually as well as together. When we shared with the kids this week that we only lacked our travel money for the adoption Regan looked at me, like only she can, & said, "Oh good, Momma! That will be easy to get!" I laughed, knowing the cost in my mind (so does she!!) but also knowing she wouldn't have changed her answer even if she had a better grasp of how much money that really is. As we were leaving the Magic Kingdom the last night I said, "guess what? Next time we are here you all will have a new sister!" Later Regan said, "Momma, my sissy is gonna love Disney. And even if she doesn't it will be fun to show her." Yes, sweet pea, it will. I'm thinking about that day more and more....
In the waiting.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Celebrating....
When I sit and consider all of the attributes of God that my finite mind can list, it becomes overwhelming at times. He is Sovereign, Gracious, Healing, Forgiving, Omnipresent, Omniscient, Serving, Loving, Providing, Securing, Saving, Giving.... Oh my, the list could go on until all the ink on the planet is used up. And then it occurs to me:
He is Kind.
In the list of all of God's attributes I, for one, often KNOW, yet rarely celebrate the simplicity of God's kindness. On the one hand simple on the other hand, however, so intricate and precise is His kindness. Only in HIm could it be so simple, yet so precise. He is, after all, the One who made Salvation so simple, yet so precise and intricate down to the last detail. I am celebrating His kindness today.
Over the course of the last six weeks our family has been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have been excited about finishing up our home study and pressing toward getting our letter from the USCIS (immigration) confirming we are in their system and ready for fingerprinting on the federal level. Both are huge steps in the adoption process. In those same six weeks I went to the doctor with new, one-sided breast pain that had been radiating into my armpit and down my arm. The enemy is so deceptive and timely. Then it occurs to me... again...
God is Kind.
After three physicians have seen me, two sets of mammograms, and an ultrasound, it was decided that the lump in my left breast (not the one that had been causing pain mind you) should be biopsied. All three physicians assured me that they suspected the lump to be benign, but why wonder when we could know for certain? Sounded reasonable to me. All the while we wait for the USCIS paperwork. I would run to the mailbox every day like a kid on Christmas morning. Nothing. Friday morning I woke eager to start the day well at field day with Brycen and Regan and then I would go for the biopsy. I woke with a supernatural peace, not anxious at all to face the day. When I came home after field day to pick up the little boys and Mark there it was. Homeland Security. The paper we had been waiting on from USCIS stating we were ready for fingerprinting. And then, 20 minutes before I left for the biopsy, with freshly opened mail, it hit me fresh and new...
He is so, so kind.
Of all the days, of all the times for that envelope to come, He chose now. From the beginning of time when He set the world in motion with all precision and creativity, when He was planning your beginning and ending as well as mine, He thought of this day in all of that and He showed me kindness. Could it be coincidence? Of course. However, the Holy Spirit won't let me believe that, because then I am not recognizing His personal love for me and the fatherless. In that moment, with the envelope opened on the counter it occurred to me (and I was later reminded by a dear friend), "Satan hates adoption." And in the middle of all the unknowns, God was so kind to remind me that He is working hard to accomplish His plan, no matter what life throws our way.
He is so kind.
When Mark and I looked at our calendars Friday we knew the first time we could go to Nashville for the fingerprinting would be today (Tuesday). Mark had some things on his calendar that couldn't be changed last minute and I (and my body) needed a down day. But, when I woke Monday morning to my phone ringing, my heart sank a bit. I thought, "Here goes..." when I saw the doctor's number on my phone. And then I heard that my biopsy was, indeed, benign. Praises. I find myself wondering how I would have responded had the outcome been different, because even then, He is kind. As I searched scripture I found Biblical evidence that even with different results, I could celebrate God's kindness. I love Titus 3:4-7 from the Message, " But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, He saved us from all that. It was all His doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with Him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come- an eternity of life!"
He is so kind.
When we can't celebrate what our life is handing us now, we can still celebrate Him. His kindness offers us an eternity of life.
So, as I type at 4:28am, unable to sleep because I woke and couldn't shake these thoughts, His thoughts for mankind, His ways of knowing so simply, yet precisely, what we need to be reminded of His presence in the midst of tough days, I am in awe of Him. Leaving in a few short hours for Nashville to make our daughter one step closer to being ours, I can't shake it. I can't shake Him. I am choosing to celebrate Him for so many reasons. But today I am focusing on one....
He is kind. So, so kind.
He is Kind.
In the list of all of God's attributes I, for one, often KNOW, yet rarely celebrate the simplicity of God's kindness. On the one hand simple on the other hand, however, so intricate and precise is His kindness. Only in HIm could it be so simple, yet so precise. He is, after all, the One who made Salvation so simple, yet so precise and intricate down to the last detail. I am celebrating His kindness today.
Over the course of the last six weeks our family has been on a roller coaster of emotions. We have been excited about finishing up our home study and pressing toward getting our letter from the USCIS (immigration) confirming we are in their system and ready for fingerprinting on the federal level. Both are huge steps in the adoption process. In those same six weeks I went to the doctor with new, one-sided breast pain that had been radiating into my armpit and down my arm. The enemy is so deceptive and timely. Then it occurs to me... again...
God is Kind.
After three physicians have seen me, two sets of mammograms, and an ultrasound, it was decided that the lump in my left breast (not the one that had been causing pain mind you) should be biopsied. All three physicians assured me that they suspected the lump to be benign, but why wonder when we could know for certain? Sounded reasonable to me. All the while we wait for the USCIS paperwork. I would run to the mailbox every day like a kid on Christmas morning. Nothing. Friday morning I woke eager to start the day well at field day with Brycen and Regan and then I would go for the biopsy. I woke with a supernatural peace, not anxious at all to face the day. When I came home after field day to pick up the little boys and Mark there it was. Homeland Security. The paper we had been waiting on from USCIS stating we were ready for fingerprinting. And then, 20 minutes before I left for the biopsy, with freshly opened mail, it hit me fresh and new...
He is so, so kind.
Of all the days, of all the times for that envelope to come, He chose now. From the beginning of time when He set the world in motion with all precision and creativity, when He was planning your beginning and ending as well as mine, He thought of this day in all of that and He showed me kindness. Could it be coincidence? Of course. However, the Holy Spirit won't let me believe that, because then I am not recognizing His personal love for me and the fatherless. In that moment, with the envelope opened on the counter it occurred to me (and I was later reminded by a dear friend), "Satan hates adoption." And in the middle of all the unknowns, God was so kind to remind me that He is working hard to accomplish His plan, no matter what life throws our way.
He is so kind.
When Mark and I looked at our calendars Friday we knew the first time we could go to Nashville for the fingerprinting would be today (Tuesday). Mark had some things on his calendar that couldn't be changed last minute and I (and my body) needed a down day. But, when I woke Monday morning to my phone ringing, my heart sank a bit. I thought, "Here goes..." when I saw the doctor's number on my phone. And then I heard that my biopsy was, indeed, benign. Praises. I find myself wondering how I would have responded had the outcome been different, because even then, He is kind. As I searched scripture I found Biblical evidence that even with different results, I could celebrate God's kindness. I love Titus 3:4-7 from the Message, " But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, He saved us from all that. It was all His doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with Him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come- an eternity of life!"
He is so kind.
When we can't celebrate what our life is handing us now, we can still celebrate Him. His kindness offers us an eternity of life.
So, as I type at 4:28am, unable to sleep because I woke and couldn't shake these thoughts, His thoughts for mankind, His ways of knowing so simply, yet precisely, what we need to be reminded of His presence in the midst of tough days, I am in awe of Him. Leaving in a few short hours for Nashville to make our daughter one step closer to being ours, I can't shake it. I can't shake Him. I am choosing to celebrate Him for so many reasons. But today I am focusing on one....
He is kind. So, so kind.
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