Strangely familiar

Father's Day.

It's familiar... we have a fun family tradition of eating Marble Slab ice cream for dinner on Father's Day. Hey, when it's father's day, Dad decides the menu and he decided years ago it would always be ice cream! We usually work hard to spend time with both of our dads as well.
It's familiar.
But it's also strange....this year. Much like my emotions of Mother's Day, I am sensing Father's Day in the waiting isn't easy either. We spent this morning at Krispy Kreme for breakfast then went out looking for an umbrella for our outdoor table. Mark had suggested that as a Father's day gift. However, when we went to Lowe's he spotted a bug zapper (yes, the kind with the ultraviolet light that attracts bugs and then zaps them). He insisted he wanted the bug zapper for Father's Day. He has vivid and special memories of sitting out on each of his grandfather's porches watching their zappers. So, we got home, he mounted a hook for it, plugged it in, and said, "Now, tonight we can come out here and sit and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."
Sigh.
Father's day isn't easy either.

When I was pregnant all four times I have memories of longing to see and hold the wee one growing inside. I didn't know exactly what he/she would look like, how much each would weigh, and often not even the name. But, I knew I loved each uniquely, wholly, and unconditionally. And, longing for the baby to be born doesn't take away one ounce of love you have the other children in your home... it actually adds to it. Because of the love we have for the other children, we are better able to understand the love and relationship we will have with our newborns.
Adoption can often mimic those emotions. However, there are a few differences. First, the timetable. It is so variable and so unpredictable. Could it be 6 months? With a miracle, yes. Could it be 18 more months? yes. Second, she is alive and away. Our daughter isn't growing safe inside with loving arms awaiting her birth. Loving arms waiting? YOU BET! But, with so much history... every day matters. It's a bit strange to celebrate Father's Day with one child away. I know it isn't easy for Mark and I am praying the enemy doesn't distract him while he stands to speak in a few hours.

On Father's Day, I celebrate my own dad who taught me about strong work ethic, honesty, integrity at all cost, the importance of the Word, and keeping your promises. Because of his impact, I was able to know a good "keeper" when I saw it! I am so grateful for the Dad and husband that Mark is to me and the kids. Here are a few of my favorite things:

-When he pulls Brycen aside before a ball game and tells him that he is proud of him no matter what. To watch them hug and for Mark to say, "Buddy, I will always be your biggest fan."
-When he watches Regan, especially when she dresses up, and he says, "you are so pretty, Regan." You can just see her melt into a huge grin that stretches from ear to ear. Then, some kind of comment about kissing any boys besides "dad, Pap, or Papa will most assuredly give you coodies..." follows.
-When he scoops Corbin up, sits in the recliner with him and whispers, "Hey, don't tell the other kids, but you are my favorite Corbin in the whole wide world" (then he says it to each of the others individually, filling in their name)
-When he holds Hudson close (Hudson is a Daddy's boy!!!) and Hudson puts his fingers in his mouth, lays his head over, and they hold each other for hours.
-When he looks at me and says, "I have thought about our Ethiopian princess a lot today" or "Tonight we can sit outside and talk about our Ethiopian Queen."

sigh. again.

When I began praying for Mark tonight about the emotions of Father's day in the waiting, God began to speak to me about Father's Day in a fresh, new way. No matter what kind of earthly father we have or even what kind of father our children have.... we have much to celebrate on Father's Day as we celebrate a Father who "rejoices over us with love" (Zephaniah 3:17). A Father who has suffered, sacrificed, and loved us before we even knew Him. A Father who I feel certain at some point in His pursuit of each of us said, "Hey, let's talk about (fill in your name). S(he)'s on my mind." Strangely familiar.

Father's day. Full of traditions, full of celebration, full of thanksgiving, full of memories, full of grief, full of anticipation, full of expectation, full of unknowns, full of knowing something is missing. So thankful for a Father who is there, where pain, joy, and real-life intersect offering healing, hope, and grace. I am celebrating my dad, my children's dad, and my Father who adopted me into a royal priesthood. A Father who loved me, thought of me, dreamed for me, and made a way for me at all cost.

Strangely familiar.