Willing to Yield

It is never easy to sit and look at this blank screen and flashing cursor when there is still nothing new happening in regards to our adoption.  It simply isn't where we thought we would be at this time.  Three years after completing our first piece of paperwork and still nothing tangible to show for it.  It's surreal.  And hard. And, in all honesty, lonely.  No human word can heal our hurts of longing, but the Lord hasn't stopped teaching us, teaching me, growing us, growing me, when we are simply

willing to yield.

This past summer the older kids and I spent the summer finishing up memorizing the book of James.  It was in those weeks that we first really meditated on and studied what would be my theme over the course of the last several weeks.  Simply put, be....

willing to yield.

When the kids and I first studied it, the idea was so tangible.  I could see how practical and valuable and useful and humbling these three words were.  At first, I could hear arguing over a toy, fighting over who sat in which seat in the car, whose turn it was to go first, who would get the last piece of candy, and I could simply say, "Who is going to be

willing to yield?" 

This idea of yielding is such a lost "art" in our culture on so many levels.  And, in discussions with the kids we often noted how counter to our culture it actually has become.  As a matter of fact, we talked about how yielding really is supernatural.  It is the idea of willingly putting someone else's benefit above your own.  The imagery is that of a car yielding to allow another to proceed before or of one turning his/her body sideways, arm outstretched to the side allowing the way of another to pass by.  James says it like this in chapter 3, verse 17, "But the wisdom from above is first of all pure.  It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and 

willing to yield

to others.  It is full of mercy and good deeds.  It shows no favoritism and is always sincere."  Wisdom from above is full of mercy.  It is gentle and it is peace loving at all times.  All times.  Even when it is hard, goes against what we want, or isn't what we "signed up for."  sigh.  Wisdom from above is what I want above all else.  Written right here in black and white James, inspired by the Holy Spirit, tells us what true wisdom looks like...it looks like mercy.  It looks like gentleness and peace at all times.  It looks like someone with a spirit that is

willing to yield.

I have just completed a Bible study where I was asked, again, to examine James 3 in depth.  It was as if these three words came off the page to me. Again. But, this time it was with a different sense of purpose or meaning.  It was as if my prior experience of seeing  tangible ways  to yield to others was just to prepare me for what God had for me in this season.  As I reread James 3:17 this go around I heard these words so differently.  It was no longer about seats in the car, toys, sharing, taking turns, or driving a car.  In my longing and hurting I have been desperate for the tangible.  To come to the realization there isn't one other couple on the planet that Mark and I know that we can look at who really understand what it is like to be walking in these shoes. That is tough.  Others who have waited for things? sure.  Others who have longed? of course.  Others who have adopted? absolutely.  Others who have waited this long, willing to adopt an older child from Ethiopia without even a face, a name, or an age? not one.  The human in me wants something tangible.  As our Bible Fellowship class recently studied Isaiah 53 we discussed the impact of Jesus being 100% divine as well as 100% human.  To know He understands as a human has proven to be so healing and helpful.  However, it isn't (necessarily) tangible.  As my mind and heart began to grasp (again) for what I could hold onto, trust, see, I could sense Holy Spirit whispering, "be

willing to yield."

As God pressed in on this in my heart I finally realized that harder than yielding to what is tangible is yielding to what is not: His will, His way, His timing.  A person that will yield to others, meaning will give up what he/she wants for the sake of another, is one who won't fight to prove a point or feel the need to always be "right."  However, a person with a SPIRIT that is

willing to yield

is one who won't fight His will, His way, His timing.  It's difficult to even type for me, in all authenticity.  Quite frankly, because I don't like it.  And I am just to the point of being able to accept that just because I don't like it has nothing to do with the fact that it is the way to wisdom.  It actually has everything to do with His saying it.  In all His infinite wisdom and all He could have left for us regarding obtaining "wisdom from above" He chose to leave us with these nuggets of truth: Be

willing to yield.

In our flesh and nature this will not happen.  It has to be intentional.  It has to be planned.  It is a matter of trust. Am I willing to trust that He knows best, sees all, and is keenly aware of every detail in my circumstance? Or am I trusting what is tangible, what I can see, and how I feel (that's a big one!)? Am I

willing to yield

control to Him?  As I type, I have tears streaming down my face at how raw this still is for me.  No one on planet earth could have prepared me for this adoption journey.  It's tougher, longer, harder, and fiercer than I could have ever imagined.  But, in it all, He hasn't taken His eyes off us, her, or the clock over our heads.  Not for one second.  In my flesh, I would rather fight about who rides up front, whose turn it is to go first, or who gets the last piece of candy.  But, God has something bigger, richer, greater in mind.... His plan, His will, His way, His timing.  In the end, He is most concerned about my heart and how I trust Him with all of my life. Every season. Every detail. Every circumstance.  Little by little, He is growing me to better understand that in order to fully trust Him I must be

willing to yield.

To step aside, arm outstretched, and in my posture say, "Go ahead of me. I insist."  I don't know your struggle or if you can relate in any way.  However, I want to encourage someone today with the promise of this verse.  In the area of life you feel the most desperate for His wisdom, I would encourage you to simply let Him work on your heart in regards to yielding.  Perhaps for you it is matter of mercy, gentleness, peace.  Or perhaps, you could pull up a chair across from me at Starbucks over a latte, and we could be in good company.  Company that needs this truth to sink way down.... True wisdom from above is

willing to yield.

Even if I don't always like it or understand it.  His patience is limitless, thank goodness!  So, it may just come in baby steps, if you are like me.  I have found myself repeating over and over again in my head  for days or weeks at a time,

"willing to yield. willing to yield.  willing to yield."

Finally, it starts to sink in a little deeper.  And, even there, His goodness is waiting.  As each of us press on in the road He has asked us to walk, I am thankful He allows us to walk it together.  As we seek His wisdom, we cannot overlook the role our own choices make in regards to this truth: we must be

willing to yield.

It simply isn't optional in order to gain His wisdom.  And, when it's time to meet up at Starbucks in good company,  you order first.  I insist.  

When The Veil Thins

I never dreamed six months would pass between posts.  I also never dreamed we would still be waiting.  Though we believe our days of waiting are coming to a close, I am learning to celebrate the process.  What a process.  I have never been much of one to ask, "Why?"  Seems to me, God doesn't owe us an explanation and even if He gave one it likely wouldn't be "good enough" to ease my heart ache.  I trust Him. I trust His timing.  And, I am learning to trust the veils He hangs.  And the kindness He extends

When the Veil thins.

There are countless families waiting, much like us.  That neither eases the heartache or justifies it, it simply reminds me that we are not alone.  Since we began our adoption 2 1/2 years ago, our lives have changed so much. Our priorities have changed so much.  Our perspective has changed so much. God has been so faithful to allow us the privilege of walking down roads of caring for orphans through so many family and friends.  Some through the foster system, some foster to adopt, some through domestic adoption, and others through international adoption. The many faces of adoption still melt my heart and leave me undone.  It has been a joy to serve these families as well as to be served by them.  Another opportunity that came to us in the process was caring for orphans and restaveks (child slaves) in Haiti.  As many of you know, we have been actively involved in opening a home in Gressier, Haiti for 5 rescued restaveks.  Our time in Haiti has been sweet and hard and rewarding and stretching and revealing and humbling.  I am still blown away that God allows human beings to be even a small part in His plan to make all things new.  But, He is the faithful One... He, indeed, is making all things new.  Those sweet young ladies (and babies) living at Kay Libete (The Freedom House) are tangible evidences of His redemptive plan.  I had the privilege of traveling back to Gressier with two young ladies from our church at the end of May.  It had been 7 weeks since my previous trip and I had prayed and hoped I would be in Ethiopia and unable to make the May trip.  But,  God had a different plan and it was on the May trip that I realized His faithfulness

when the veil thins.

Off and on for several months I would let the doubts and questions swarm in my head for a bit, but would try to quickly speak His truths to the lies and let fear subside.  I want to be authentic in this journey....This is the hardest thing I have ever done.  We have ever done.  And the most beautiful.  There are days I know God has been purposed in hanging veils and other days I am frustrated at the obscurity and uncertainty the hanging veils leave.  His plans are full of purpose and love.  That has never wavered.  But, when you can't make sense of the plan or when it doesn't go anything like you expected, there are days it's difficult to sort truth from lies.  This makes His lavish grace more tangible

when the veil thins.

On the plane ride to Haiti in May I was journaling while listening to music on my iPod.  I was pouring out my prayers regarding adoption in my journal and then it happened.  The Holy Spirit spoke to my heart loud and clear.  I could hardly control my tears because I knew He was speaking words of healing to my hurting heart.  The more I listened, the faster my pen wrote.  As I sat writing,  one kind, unnecessary, generous "why" came.

The Veil Thinned.

If I had my way and our referral had come when everyone expected (including our agency) we would not have had the opportunity to invest in Haiti.  At least in this season.  In God's Sovereignty I believe the young ladies at Kay Libete would have found restoration.  However, the role they each play in our lives is such a blessing, my eyes blurred at the mere thought of life without them.  Had I had my way, I would have never known the joy of watching one of them be baptized after giving her life to Jesus while we were there in April.  Or the joy of knowing one rescued from a  voodoo temple now sleeps safely and securely in the arms of Jesus.  Oh the peace that comes

when the veil thins.

Again, God owes us no "why."  We aren't asking Him for one. We do believe the process has made us more compassionate to those longing (on many levels regarding many circumstances).  It has most certainly taught us more about His heart toward us, His extravagant pursuit of us, His tender love for us even before we trust Him.  As we press on in our final days before we see her face, we are trusting Him more than ever.  We have come to REALLY realize our total dependence MUST be on Him.  No other circumstance has pushed us to our knees or forced us to lay all we have at His feet like this journey.  I am so thankful for the process.  Whatever veils might be hanging for you right now.... those things that are not clear, those plans that are not going like you believed they would, those circumstances that are uncertain and unpredictable... I pray you, too,  will begin to see the beauty in the process.  It certainly hasn't come naturally for me.  It has not been easy or even fun most days. But, it has been beautiful.  In your season of longing, I pray you will push to see His face more and to trust Him fully. Even when you know there is no answer that would satisfy your "why," I pray you will have renewed strength as you wait on Him.  And, out of nowhere He might grab hold of your pen mid-air and take your breath away!  I am praying you will see His extravagant love, unmatched kindness, limitless grace, and tender mercies for you

when the veil thins.

Always.

I am writing from a hotel tonight while everyone else sleeps.  I can't shut my mind down long enough to rest.  My heart is too full.  It's just been one of "those" days.  You know, the kind that goes fast and slow all at the same time?  The kind where you're not sure whether you want to laugh or cry all day.  My heart has been so full of expectation for Passion 2013.  We have spent so many hours in prayer leading up to this week.  So, to hop into the car tonight after finishing up our final Christmas celebration was exciting for the kids and me (Mark arrived in Atlanta yesterday).  Then it happened: the kids fell asleep almost immediately and it was just me and Him.  And it was beautiful.

My mind began thinking while my lips began singing.  I switched off the Christmas music (sad day) and chose to listen to my "White Flag" CD in preparations for Passion.  I wanted to refocus my day on Him, on freedom, on choosing joy.  Almost immediately my mind went to our recent trip to Haiti.  I began praying for so many friends there who are hurting, alone, vulnerable, scared, insecure, and desperate for hope.  I prayed for our sweet friends, Megan and Josh, who live there full-time ministering in Gressier (Respire Haiti). We enjoyed dinner at our house with Megan and Josh in November while they were in the states for a few days.  When we went to Haiti I was excited to see a hand written note on their fridge, colored by one of the kids, that read: Today I Choose Joy.  We have the same thing painted on a canvas in our kids' bathroom.  So, when I commented on it, Josh said, "Yes, I saw it at your house and came here and made that one." And then it became so clear to me that joy really is a choice some days. After being in Haiti, especially, I better understand it. So much physical and spiritual bondage there left an impression on me that will be with me until the oppression there is gone.  Child slaves.  abandonment. sickness. poverty. It can feel so overwhelming, but then I remember it won't be this way forever.  He came to set us free in order that we might help free others.  Singing "White Flag" wasn't just out of routine this time.  I had names and faces of slaves I know, ones our family prays for, and they aren't just a statistic anymore.  They are real kids.  With real pain and with deep wounds.  My heart was drawn to praise while my eyes were drawn to tears. I can praise because He knows and hears.

Always.

As I sang on and tried to really take in every line of the familiar songs, I felt like every line left me undone.  It was as if I was hearing them all for the first time, but with the familiarity that left me able to sing along.  And then I heard it for the thousandth time, but as if the first:  "It will be my joy to say, 'Your Will, Your Way....'" My Joy. Your Will.  YOUR way.  Really?  Let's just be honest and agree that sometimes His Will and His way requires choosing joy.  At least for me.  I can sing it all day long with my arms raised in agreement, but when it comes down to it, sometimes His Will I can accept, but His way is a little harder.  But, the lyric doesn't end there and neither did my heart lesson.  The next word changes it even more.  Every part of it changes.  "It will be my joy to say, 'Your will, Your Way....

Always.'"

Always.  Not just when I like it.  Not just when He does things according to my wishes or my timing.  Not just when things go how I want them to.  Not just when His ways make sense to me.

Always.

In every season.  In every wait.  In every day.  In every interaction. In every calling.  In every attitude.  In every conversation.  In every situation.

Always.

I had to struggle through singing it the first few times as if convincing myself that it was okay to be joyful about His will AND His way.  I am SO thankful His will has led us down the adoption road.  Unbelievably grateful.  There are so many ways to adopt, so many avenues to care for the fatherless.  After all the praying, seeking, and fasting about it, we are humbled to our core God chose us to internationally adopt.  We have many friends adopting, some domestically, some through fostering, and some internationally from other countries.  None are more important than the other, each just done according to His call.  So, in singing it was a great reminder of His will and the reassurance that He called us to this so clearly.
His way.  Sigh.  That part gets a little tougher.  Complaining, rebelling, and growing bitter are certainly options.  As is running from Him and running from all those who are walking the road with us. However, neither are His way.  Running to His arms has proven to be where the only comfort lies.  Continuing to have those who are encouraging us, praying for us, crying with us, and preparing for her beside us is such a sweet blessing to our longing hearts.  It gets so easy to question and to grow weary, to run from what I know is true.  But, in the end, His will done His way is the deepest desire of my heart.  Even when I don't understand or like it.  Choose joy.

always.

I am coming tonight with a heart that is so far from mastering this truth.  I believe it's possible and I believe I am light years from where I once was.  But, when the rubber meets the road and His will and His way differ from mine, choosing joy isn't always easy.  It's intentional.  It's worth it.  It's purposed. It's never wasted.  Never.

By the time the kids stirred 3 hours into the trip, I was singing, "It will be my joy to say,'Your will, Your way. Always,'" with confidence that His plan is good.  With tears streaming down my face and one arm raised in the air (the other carefully navigating the steering wheel).  He spoke so sweetly to my spirit, reminding me that His way is best and His love for me, for us, for her isn't dependent on what my eyes see or my flesh feels.  But on Him... the One who is Sovereign. Sufficient. Good. Defender of the weak.  Father to the Fatherless. Chain Breaker. Heart Healer. Soul Saver. Life Giver. Abundant.
Faithful.

always.

Full of Hope

This is the third time today I have sat to write.  I am not sure if it's my head or my heart that is struggling the most to write.  It isn't that there is bad news or new news.  Perhaps that is the hardest part.  Simply waiting.  For nearly two years we have planned around the "what if we are gone" rationale. As we hung our ornaments last year and decorated the mantel with stockings we smiled, knowing the next time we did it she would be home.  We decided after Passion last year that I would take some time off because "next year" she will be home and the time away for planning would be too much for both of us to be away.

Here we go, again.

It never occurred to me that we would still be in this place at this time.  I am glad I had no idea.  Part of me says it would've made it "easier" to go in knowing it would take this long.  The other part of me trusts that God knew when to hang a veil and when not to.  I recently studied this in a Beth Moore study where she accurately taught, "God is as purposed in hanging a veil as He is tearing one."  No truer words have ever been spoken.  I trust Him and believe the veil that is hanging before us full of "when's, " "why's," and longing is full of His purpose.  In spite of being heartbroken and ready, we aren't hopeless.  I hung her stocking this year with a new hope... one that simply said, "One day, in His time, she will be here to hang this and to wake up to it being full on Christmas morning."  It doesn't make it any easier, but it does focus us on hope.

I am not sure what her days look like or if she longs for us like we long for her.  I don't know if she will like one thing we will place in her stocking this year or how she will respond to the madness on Christmas morning at our house when she is home. I do know, however, that He is knitting our hearts to hers in a supernatural way; a way only He can do.  On the days I wake and find it hard to focus on anything or find it impossible to have a conversation without tears, I can sense Him sweetly saying,

"Here we go, again."

Not as if He is frustrated or annoyed with my tears or my questions, but as if He stands ready to reassure me as many times as is necessary that He hasn't forgotten her.  I am so thankful.  In this season,  the wait is especially difficult.  We know so many who are spending Christmas without someone they dearly love.  Our struggle is much the same.  But, as we wait we haven't lost Hope.  Just like God's chosen people hadn't heard from Him in over 400 years, certain He had forgotten them, they woke to the good news, "For unto you this day in the city of David a Savior has been born, He is Christ the Lord."  Praise Him!  He saw past our wanderings, past our desires, past our mistakes, and past what we deserved straight to what we needed: A Savior.  Hope is never lost on His timetable.

We are grateful to our knees for all of you who faithfully pray for us.  Your prayers are a priceless treasure.  And despite the hanging veil, we are full of Hope and trust that as Christmas draws near He will comfort each part, each heart, each longing.  We are praying your family has a blessed Christmas, full of hope.

"For unto you this day in the city of David, a child has been born, a Savior who is the Christ Lord!"

Eyes

I am writing today with a longing heart, a hopeful spirit, and tear-filled

eyes.

He sees.  He knows.  Our minds can be so deceiving, making us believe what we see with our human 

eyes

is all there is.  When we rely on our own strength we are forced to believe our circumstances are all we have, that they determine our destiny.  The enemy is so good at his game, getting us to believe we are forgotten or forsaken in our hurting.  On Sunday morning Mark made a comment while preaching about God not being bound by our circumstances.  I have thought about it so many times, because it becomes so easy to rely on what we can see with our

eyes.

Today is one of those days I am forced to open the Word, see what He says in order to crush the lies of the enemy.  I am thankful for the reminder that His Truths trump every human emotion (thanks, Beth Moore!).  When I look at my days in the wait they can seem long and overwhelming, but He sees them through His 

eyes.

His eyes see the beginning from the end, the first from the last, the past, the present, and the future.  And, He sees things according to His Word which clearly states:

"The LORD will work out His plans for my life- for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.  Don't abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:8

That written, by David, in a season of waiting to be delivered from the hands of his enemy.  His plans were still good, still right, still full, still "on time."  Job even says in Job 23:14, "So He will do to me whatever he has planned.  He controls my destiny." Who could stand more confidant in God's plan in the midst of trials than Job? I find comfort from Jeremiah's prayer, after losing everything because of their idolatry, Jeremiah says, "I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own.  We are not able to plan our own course."  Try as they might, they could not control their own lives. And destruction comes when we scheme to get our way and plan our own course; there is proof over and over again in scripture.  So,  I am leaning in tight today on His watchful

eye.

Trusting it.  Trusting Him.  Trusting His Truths.  Trusting His promises.  Here are a few more, I pray they will encourage you today as I sit encouraged by His love letter to us:

"Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."Jeremiah 29:11

"You can make many plans, but the Lord's purpose will prevail." Proverbs 19:21

"Don't love money; be satisfied with what you have.  For God has said, 'I will never leave you.  I will never abandon you.'" Hebrews 13:5

No matter what your circumstances look like.  Despite how you FEEL.  Regardless of what you can see with merely your

eyes.

He is faithful.  Remember His words in 1 Corinthians 2:9?

"That is what the scriptures mean when they say, 'No EYE has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.'"

We can't see it with our eyes, hear it with our ears, or imagine it in our minds.  I am resting in that today.  I pray you will, too.  If His 

Eye 

is on the sparrow (Luke 12:6), He most certainly hasn't forgotten about any of us, His prized possession (James 1:18).  As I wait to look into her dark 

eyes,

I find comfort and rest in looking into His kind, compassionate, loving, caring, healing, comforting, gracious, peaceful, sympathetic, strong, Sovereign, timely

eyes.

Yet....

Sorry for the lack of posting. Just not a lot of new news to post.

 Yet.

We have been in lots of communication with our adoption agency (as have all families in the Ethiopia program) regarding wait times. There isn't a lot to report that is different, except to say we are approaching 16 months of having our paperwork in country with an average wait time of 18-24 months for a referral for a child over 4 (our preference age is 3-6 years). There was a recent increase in all wait times due to a slow down on the Ethiopian side of things. All that to say: we press on. The days come and go and every day when Brycen and Regan get in the car and ask if we got our referral today I usually say the same thing: not

 Yet.

 Just a couple of days ago Regan and I were talking about different parts of the world and how they live life differently than us. Something she said has stuck with me. She said, "Mom, you know how some of those people don't know Jesus

 Yet?"

 We continued our conversation about going to the "uttermost parts of the earth" to share the gospel as well as sharing with people living right here in Knoxville who do not know Jesus.

 Yet.

 I kept thinking about her question. She hadn't assumed people would NEVER know about Jesus, simply that they didn't

 Yet

 know. I kept replaying it over in my mind. The faith of a child. Isn't it just like them to know when and how to say something that just sticks? I have voiced those words to Him in prayer over the last few days in confession... "Lord, I know it's coming and I need to focus on the

 'yet.'

 It's coming and I trust You with our family." I will admit our spirits are growing more excited with each passing day, knowing we are one day farther down than this road and she is one day closer to home. On the flip side, we also find ourselves tearful and longing many days, knowing our girl is out there wanting a forever family. In the meantime, I will repeat it a thousand times because it is so true, I wouldn't trade anything for what the wait is growing in us as a family as well as individually. Our kids are certainly learning that waiting on God is real. That His timing is different than our timing sometimes and just because you could change things to speed it up doesn't mean you should if you are still doing what He called you to. They are learning about waiting on Him because He hasn't finished this chapter in our lives.

 yet.

 I am learning it, too. In a world where nearly everything happens fast and we hate to wait for much of anything, learning to be patient and to trust, really trust, Him is such a valuable attribute. Even Corbin this past week said, "We don't know when Lakin will be here from Africa. We just know we love her." Yes, we do. And she will know it, too, just not

 Yet.

 The reality of having another child around here seems to be setting in more and more as days and weeks pass. We find ourselves planning things including FIVE kids rather than four. We each have our own stories about what Lakin has already taught us despite the fact we haven't seen her face, heard her voice, or kissed her cheeks.

 Yet.

 Thank you for your prayers, calls, emails, texts, and love in the waiting. We are forever grateful. And we look forward to a post coming soon to share with you our travel plans! It's coming! Just not quite Yet.

Home

Home. Such a small word packed with so much meaning and emotion. On the one hand you don't have to explain it, because the word says it all. On the other hand there are so many things that are embodied in "home" we could use up all the ink in the world trying to describe it. Just yesterday I woke with Lakin on my heart and mind. Some days are easier than others when I can simply think, "this waiting is part of the process." Still other days I wake and find it hard to put one foot in front of the other because of the distractions of her... her safety, her health, her circumstances. We have reminders of her all over the house (bunk beds, empty peg for backpacks and jackets, Christmas gifts still in boxes, clothes packed up from her big sister, etc). So yesterday I talked to Regan about cleaning out her room in an effort to have one thing off the "to do" list for when the call comes. Next I moved to the laundry room to reorganize and move the kids "drop-off station" to the hallway rather than the cramped laundry room. While cleaning out the laundry room I found tucked in a plastic bin a banner that stretches a few feet long and reads: Welcome Home. Home. I let my eyes fix on the word for a second and ran my fingers across each letter. Tears filled my eyes and I sat in the floor looking around at our Home. Filled with laughter, outbursts of tears over someone not sharing, empty beds, leftover food, and enough love to go around and pour out, I had to wonder if any of this would be familiar to her. Probably not. What is so "normal" to us and what we find to be such blessings are going to be totally foreign to her. She has nothing in "her world" to compare "our world" to. It's overwhelming to take in and to think through. Merging these two worlds will start and stop here: Home. Our longing for her doesn't take away from our certain, steadfast, confidant faith that God's timing and sovereignty are perfect. We fully believe His plan is perfect for us, for her. However, He gives us the innate desires, the longing, in order to push us to trust Him more. He understands longing for children more than anyone. He understands it fully, without distortion of Truth or influence of attitudes, emotions, or others. He longs to see each one come to faith in Him alone, for each one to follow Him wholeheartedly. His longing for each heart and life was so great He sent Jesus to offer a way to restore us, in order that He could have a relationship with us. Longing is painful. He knows it well. And He has even gone now to prepare a place for us, those of us who are Christ followers. He has gone to prepare for us a Home. As we work to get things ready around here for our new addition I am trying desperately to let these things be tangible reminders for me of how Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me. We are fooling ourselves if we think He doesn't long for us to see it. Just like sweet Lakin has nothing in her life right now to compare to what she will have here, try as we might to explain it in mere words, we, too have something waiting for us that we can't fathom. His word has painted beautiful pictures of what awaits us, but I have a feeling our minds can't conceive it because we have nothing in this world to compare it to. So we, too, wait for our permanent Home. Lakin's first physical home is Ethiopia. We are honored to give her a permanent home. As believer's, our first home is here, planet Earth. But, our permanent home is Heaven, being prepared for us even now. I pray as we walk out these days in the wait we will be diligent to point others to Him and His pursuit of us. It brings me to my knees in tears to even consider that our Father waits for us with this kind of passion and longing to show us what He has for us: Our Home. So, I am off to buy initials to hang over each of those pegs at the "drop-off station" for the kids. One peg per kid. One initial over each one. But one hangs empty and waiting. The first time she walks in, recognizes her initial, realizes it's all hers, and hangs up her bags and coat I will cry. I will know she knows she is home.