Full of Hope

This is the third time today I have sat to write.  I am not sure if it's my head or my heart that is struggling the most to write.  It isn't that there is bad news or new news.  Perhaps that is the hardest part.  Simply waiting.  For nearly two years we have planned around the "what if we are gone" rationale. As we hung our ornaments last year and decorated the mantel with stockings we smiled, knowing the next time we did it she would be home.  We decided after Passion last year that I would take some time off because "next year" she will be home and the time away for planning would be too much for both of us to be away.

Here we go, again.

It never occurred to me that we would still be in this place at this time.  I am glad I had no idea.  Part of me says it would've made it "easier" to go in knowing it would take this long.  The other part of me trusts that God knew when to hang a veil and when not to.  I recently studied this in a Beth Moore study where she accurately taught, "God is as purposed in hanging a veil as He is tearing one."  No truer words have ever been spoken.  I trust Him and believe the veil that is hanging before us full of "when's, " "why's," and longing is full of His purpose.  In spite of being heartbroken and ready, we aren't hopeless.  I hung her stocking this year with a new hope... one that simply said, "One day, in His time, she will be here to hang this and to wake up to it being full on Christmas morning."  It doesn't make it any easier, but it does focus us on hope.

I am not sure what her days look like or if she longs for us like we long for her.  I don't know if she will like one thing we will place in her stocking this year or how she will respond to the madness on Christmas morning at our house when she is home. I do know, however, that He is knitting our hearts to hers in a supernatural way; a way only He can do.  On the days I wake and find it hard to focus on anything or find it impossible to have a conversation without tears, I can sense Him sweetly saying,

"Here we go, again."

Not as if He is frustrated or annoyed with my tears or my questions, but as if He stands ready to reassure me as many times as is necessary that He hasn't forgotten her.  I am so thankful.  In this season,  the wait is especially difficult.  We know so many who are spending Christmas without someone they dearly love.  Our struggle is much the same.  But, as we wait we haven't lost Hope.  Just like God's chosen people hadn't heard from Him in over 400 years, certain He had forgotten them, they woke to the good news, "For unto you this day in the city of David a Savior has been born, He is Christ the Lord."  Praise Him!  He saw past our wanderings, past our desires, past our mistakes, and past what we deserved straight to what we needed: A Savior.  Hope is never lost on His timetable.

We are grateful to our knees for all of you who faithfully pray for us.  Your prayers are a priceless treasure.  And despite the hanging veil, we are full of Hope and trust that as Christmas draws near He will comfort each part, each heart, each longing.  We are praying your family has a blessed Christmas, full of hope.

"For unto you this day in the city of David, a child has been born, a Savior who is the Christ Lord!"