patience with joy......

First off, I didn't title this "patience with joy" because that is something I've mastered or am even having. I'll get to that in a little bit. This is, perhaps, one of the hardest posts for me to sit and type. The reasons are many, but not the least of which is that I had hoped (& planned) for the next post to be "we are traveling!" This post happens to be the farthest thing from that. Are we still just waiting on one paper? Yes... But, that one paper is from the federal Ministry of Women's and Children's Affairs (MOWCA). This particular agency is, as I noted in my previous post, an Ethiopian government entity, much like our State Department. This office conducts far more business than "just" adoptions. What we are waiting on is positive recommendation letter from this office, thus giving us permission to travel and finalize our adoption. As most of you know, our first federal court date (for birth family) was October 27th, 2015. This letter of recommendation comes as a result of that court date, after an expert has reviewed all necessary paperwork & investigations. Originally we were told the estimated time to get this letter was 4-6 weeks. We have had two "hearing dates" to pick it up (both were in December), but our letter "wasn't ready" either time. This isn't an unusual scenario. Later we were told letters could take 8-12 weeks. This past Tuesday marked week 19. We have known FMOWCA had not written any recommendation letters (for anyone with any agency) the previous two weeks. We had hoped this week they would. However, word "on the street" in Ethiopia (not from our agency, but a few other agencies have also reported) that MOWCA "reshuffled" (or restructured) officers in their office. This means that the head minister, who is required to sign to our letter, has likely lost her job and someone will be replacing her. This also means (again... Word on the street) that everyone will need training (which is expected to take months) before any more letters are given.

Sigh.

God can do anything and He may choose to perform a miracle and have letters signed tomorrow.                He is totally capable of that. I will just say that yesterday was, for me, single-handedly the hardest day of  these 51/2 years. To be so close... But so far.  After discussing things over with Mark we decided to unpack our suitcases.... The hardest thing I think I've ever had to do. As I took clothes out, I found I had to audibly say, "I delight to do Your will [psalm 40:8]." I said it with tears streaming down my cheeks. I am so thankful for my dear friend, Nina, who came over and helped me put Regan's clothes away. I knew (& she knew) this wouldn't be an easy task. We didn't unpack because we've lost hope or faith, but rather because it's hard to walk by 9 packed suitcases in our bedroom everyday. The reality is, everyone (including our agency) thought we would travel in mid-January. So, having them packed wasn't presumptuous on our part. However, I'm learning (the hard way) that waiting on papers, people, agency, or timelines is NOT the same as waiting on Him.          
   

Surrender is hard.


Before unpacking yesterday, I came home from having coffee with a friend and had a big, ugly cry on my bed with my head buried in the mattress. It was a cry of surrender. A cry to say, "God, I want to want You more than this paper. More than I want him home." A cry to say, "I surrender my plans and expectations to Your plans and expectations." A cry to raise my arms up and confess, "I can't do this one more day without Your help." A cry to confess that I haven't always trusted His way or His timing.

Surrender is hard.

Brycen has been learning about Gideon in school and our conversations prompted me to go downstairs and grab my "Gideon" bible study (so good! Written by Priscilla Shirer). As I walked down the steps my mind was recollecting what God had seared into my heart a couple years ago during that study: God will strip us of every human way to succeed to force us to trust Him to come
through. When we are stripped of our resources, our hope, or own abilities, we are forced to rely on His resources, His hope, His abilities. Being stripped down to nothing isn't easy. Or fun. But, it is often necessary.

Without knowing what news we had just received, one of my friends (a fellow adoptive mom) texted me that she was praying for me and she had come across Colossians 1:11 in her studying yesterday:
"We are praying, too, that you might be filled with His mighty, glorious strength so that you can keep going no matter what happens-always full of the joy of the Lord" (Living Letters Life application Bible translation)

That was salve to my hurting, open, hemorrhaging wound. I couldn't wait to come home and study it more. I opened my NLT and found it like this:


"May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy."

Patience with joy.

It almost sounds like an oxymoron... Patience with joy?

And it IS ludicrous in our flesh. As I prayed and confessed yesterday, I surrendered this process to Him again fresh & new, I have repeated this over & over again, "patience with joy." I'm still not able to talk about it without tears, but my heart is at peace that only God can change this. I'm trusting He is fighting for us (& for Tyson) based on the truths of Exodus 14:14. There is no more "doing" we can do. We've been asked to just "be still." We are still praying and contacting the resources we feel God wants us to, but our hope & trust is in Him alone.

Fortunately, Tyson doesn't know about us yet, but we were able to get him an English tutor and he started that this week. Please pray for protection around him and for his physical needs to be met. Ethiopia is facing their country's worst drought in its history. We believe he is well taken care of in his orphanage and that he is well fed. Please pray for these provisions to remain for all the children impacted by these continuing delays.

My heart is broken, but my heart is trusting.

Thank you for walking with us

Until he's home....