Expectations, Travel, and Waiting

I just re-read my last post and so much has changed. I won't bore you with acronyms and adoption lingo (too much). What I WILL say is that in October Tyson's birth mom was located (learned he had a family) and showed up to birth family court (1st federal court date). As a result of this court date, we are waiting on a letter from the Ethiopian court called a MOWCA letter. This letter typically takes 4-6 weeks to obtain. Today marks 8 weeks. Sigh . Welcome to the McKeehan adoption process where nothing seems to go exactly according to plan. But, it's progress! This MOWCA letter is one of two documents we need to apply to get our court date and TRAVEL.  In addition, we finally received regional approval on the last day before our U.S. Immigration paperwork expired. It also happened to be Tyson's 5th birthday. Needless to say, there were celebrations and grateful tears all day. From there, our documents were sent from the NBC (National Benefits Center) to the U.S. embassy in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. We were assigned an officer there who is conducting the final investigation on our case. The U.S. Embassy has had our documents in Ethiopia since December 8. Once this investigation is complete, we will receive PAIR approval (hopefully and expectedly). This is the second of the two documents required for our travel dates to be given. We will likely only be notified 10-14 days prior to leaving. With many U.S. Holidays and Ethiopian holidays (Ethiopian Christmas is January 7th), both of these processes seems to be moving slow. We are praying for urgency on the part of MOWCA officials and Embassy employees/officers.

So, many of you have asked how we are preparing ourselves, our home, & our kids. The reality of his coming home seems to become more "real" with every passing day. This past week I bought him shampoo and curl merengue for his adorable locks. Then, I came home and packed it in his suitcase. It's definitely getting real. When we initially began this process, we had a conversation with Brycen and Regan that we have revisited recently with all four kids. It went something like this:

Me: how would you feel if one day someone told you you couldn't live here anymore? That you were
going to get on a plane, move to another country, live with people you don't know, call them mom & dad, eat their food, learn their language, and celebrate their holidays their way? 

Kids (all four in unison): eyes wide. Mouths gaped open.

Then, little by little, one at a time, they opened up about how that would feel.

Me: well, as Tyson comes home, none of us can forget for one second that that is what we have asked of him. He was happy in the orphanage where he knew everyone, knew the routine, knew what to expect. He may hug us initially, but we can't forget everything about this is grief to him. We know in the long run his having a family and a home and nutritious food is what is best for him. But, he doesn't know that and he likely doesn't even necessarily want that. We all like to be where we are comfortable.


The conversation sparked great thought for them and we have discussed it many times since then. As I've thought about it repeatedly, trying to somehow put myself in his 5 year old shoes, I continue to be unable to wrap my head around it all. So many people have come to us and said, "what a lucky little boy." It's such a hard thing to hear, almost producing nausea. There is nothing about this that IS or 

FEELS lucky to him. He's alone, living in an orphanage, and walking out of there with so much grief behind him and so many unknowns before him. He will walk out wearing clothes we take him, unable to even keep one change of clothes. Nothing to call his own except his name. And that will change, too (though his Ethiopian name will become his middle name after we transition him from that name to Tyson).  There is no part of his story that is lucky. Are we unbelievably grateful to have the privilege of bringing him into our family with unconditional love and enough laughs and fun to last twenty lifetimes? YES. But, to a 5 year old.... This isn't easy. This is so hard. It's so overwhelming. His one and only time to ride in a van or car was likely one year ago when he moved from one orphanage to the orphanage where he is now. Contrast that with our lives, seat belts, booster
seats, and a mom who can drive (most drivers in other countries are all men) and it's a lot. And that's
just the car & driving part. As I've pondered this over and over, trying to prepare in advance how to ease so many transitions, Holy Spirit has been so kind to remind me that I was once SO comfortable in the flesh. Spiritually, before I knew Christ, fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, walking in selfishness, and doing what I wanted, was comfortable. Once I came to faith in Christ, even knowing in the long
run I'd be better off, a war waged. It was hard. I often wanted comfortable back. I wanted to be able to respond in my old ways, to talk using my old words, to judge others with my old opinions. But,once I was adopted into God's family, things changed. And, it was a foreign place to be. There was a lot of grief in those days- grieving the death of friendships, old coping mechanisms, and most of all, death to myself. Hard. Painful. 

As we look eagerly toward the next few weeks with hopes to travel near the end of January/beginning of February, I thought it might be helpful for all of us to recognize the weight of what this sweet boy is going to be going through. We are hopeful there will be lots of early fun memories, snuggles,
tickles, and laughs. However, we are prepared there may not be any. We know we can't heal his
broken past or his broken world. We can, however, lead him to Jesus Who can fully, completely heal him. 

We are also still discussing all of our transition plans as far as his coming to church, grocery shopping, being away from home, etc. we are so grateful for your prayers, love, & support in these
areas. We will have wifi while we are in Ethiopia, so I will try to post updates while we are there as well as our arrival date and time back into Knoxville should any of you want to come to the airport.  We welcome you; we simply ask for understanding that he isn't going to be able to hug everyone. At this point he doesn't even know who Tyson McKeehan is or Mark or Carrie McKeehan. Therefore, he isn't going to be able to understand or know who everyone is, but we DO welcome your coming. This will let him know how loved he is. Should he get too overwhelmed, we will scoop him up and wave and head out. He has had numerous caregivers in his years in the orphanages. We will be the first, consistent, same caregivers he has ever had. Adjusting to this change and learning what a mom & a dad are will not come instantaneously. It's gonna take some time. Therefore, we will prayerfully & carefully navigate when to get out of the house and when it's best to just stay in in an effort to
foster attachment & bonding. We have read numerous books on the topic and have researched best approaches  to aide in adjustment.  We will use these resources as well as prayer to navigate what will be best for Tyson. Our parenting style will need to shift for a few months and the pace of life will likely need to slow immensely. Our biological kids love & trust us innately. That isn't the case with adopted kids. As we  step into so many firsts and a "new normal," we so appreciate your continued prayers and support.
Thank you, again, for your journeying with us. Five years is a long time to so faithfully pray, cry, wait, and give. We are undone with gratitude for all you've done.
Until he's home....