Nesting and Nausea

I don't know how "it" happens. I don't even fully understand when "it" exactly happens. But, I most assuredly know "it" DOES happen. Only in Christ can we experience nesting, sensitive emotions, having waves of nausea, and a need for out-of-the-ordinary naps when we aren't pregnant, but merely expecting. Whew! I still likely have a year or longer in this process and already, WHAM! I feel like I am expecting. The craziest things make me cry. Just today I turned on the bath water for the boys and was drawn to tears. Clean water. Lots of it. My daughter is living today without clean water, a bath with warm water, or her Mom to snatch her up and wrap her in a warm towel when the tub starts cooling off.

I am thankful God does these things in this process. It is confirmation that, yes, we are indeed expecting! It is the same sense of overwhelming excitement that comes when you hear your babies heartbeat for the first time or feel his/her movements inside. A real life, coming in to join our lives. Sigh. I love that He does this. It is the nesting that comes with trying to figure out the practical "where are the clothes going to go?", "what all do we still need?", and "how in the world are we gonna get it all done?" Then, in those moments God has been faithful to whisper into my spirit, "Rest. My yoke has led you here. You are learning from me and I never run out of resources, time, or creativity." Tears. Again.

We have had a fun weekend as a family, sharing much of our time with the mid-Atlantic roadies from Invisible Children. We spent a lot of time talking with the kids about adoption, their sister, and even talking with them about how they will feel when others question our family or ask them about why their sister looks different. Regan has simply astounded me throughout the last few weeks. Her sincerity, excitement, and love for her sister is tangible when she speaks about her. She just lights up. But, when I asked Regan how she would respond if someone asked her why her sister looked different than the rest of us she said, "Um, Mom. Because God made her that way and He thinks she looks just like a McKeehan." Tears. Again. "Yes, Regan, she sure does look just like a McKeehan." Thanks for the reminder. She is teaching me so much. A few Friday's ago on the car ride to school, I asked the kids what they wanted to pray for that morning. Anticipating I would ask about prayer requests, because we always pray on the way to school, Regan said, "Mom, I was thinking, what is my sister doing now?" I noticed the time, tried to calculate the time difference and realized it would've been just after lunch. So I explained it was just after lunch time and she might be napping or playing outside. Regan said, "So, do you think she was able to eat lunch today?" Oh, dear. Fighting back the tears, I replied, "Well, Regan, I hope so. If there was food where she is, I am sure she ate something." Regan requested to pray that morning. Her prayer that day changed how I pray for our daughter living on the other side of the globe. Regan prayed, "God, thank you for our sister. Please help her to feel full today. Help us meet her soon. In Jesus' Name, Amen." Help her to feel full. Tears. Again. In genuine trust, Regan knows that only God can make our sweet, loved daughter feel supernaturally full and she trusts He will. So do I.

When I posed the same question to Brycen about when people question him about the why's with his sister he said, "Mom, she needs a family and we need a sister. That's all." Why do we have to complicate it? "Yes," I replied, "That is all, Brycen. I love your heart for her." He said, "It isn't hard to love her, Mom." Tears. Again.

In all of that, I just feel like I am expecting. Trying to get a dresser for the girls to share, a mattress for her bed (thanks, Michelle!), agency stuff finalized, finding a dining room table that will seat 8, and enjoying every second with these amazing kids I already have can be exhausting. And then I hear, "Rest. I made you to need to rest in these days. Rest, so you know I am sufficient." Tears. Again.

I am so blessed and humbled by this journey, emotions, tears, paperwork, and uncertainties. I am even learning to be thankful for the nesting and nausea!