Thursday, May 17, 2012
No News Isn't Good News
You know the old saying, "No news is good news?" Well, not always. In adoption, no news is just that: nothing new. Our agency is great about sending accurate, detailed weekly emails regarding the status of waiting referrals, changes in Ethiopian laws regarding adoption, changes in timelines, etc. We are fully aware of how blessed we are to have a Christian agency representing us and are grateful for their prayers on behalf of our family as we wait. Every time the phone rings with a new number my heart skips a beat. We still wait. I am at a loss as to what to write that is more than just: please keep praying for our daughter's safety, provisions, and well-being. Mother's Day in the waiting is tough... Yet, I look around at the blessings beside me and suddenly the 4 kids who call me "Mom" made the day perfect and memorable. I allowed myself to dream about the day when all our kids are in the same country, speaking the same language, reading the same books, eating at the same table, having the same last name. I don't know how many kids that will ultimately be or from what countries they will all come. I do know,however, I have one on my heart and mind and she has a Mommy who loves her so. Thank you for your prayers for her, for us, for our children, and for our extended family/friends. The wait grows tough for us all. I have a friend that I rarely call, but usually text. Every time I call I hear, "did you get your referral?" instead of "hello." I never want to forget that you wait with us. That you long with us. That you pray with us. We are grateful. For now, no news isn't good news, but we know for sure today is one day closer!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
He Waits, too
Having recently completed in-depth studies through the book of Daniel and through Esther, I am forever amazed at God's attention to detail in His timing. From the "seven seven's and the sixty-two sevens"mentioned in Daniel to the days leading up to Esther's gaining the crown to the years between becoming Queen until she declared, "If I die, then I die" on behalf of her Jewish people. It's all a mystery to me how He orchestrates and plans, perfect and precise in every detail, in every day, in every wait. Through these studies and our current circumstances I have read more about seasons of waiting in scripture than I even knew existed- even His wait to the cross, knowing it was surely coming. In all of that I am grateful to serve a timely God and to know
He waits, too.
Saturday night I was putting the little boys to bed and Hudson wanted to sleep with Brycen while Corbin wanted to sleep with Regan. So, I tucked Hudson in and as I was just sitting beside him on the bed Brycen came and playfully "tackled" me onto the bed, resting his head on my chest. Then, as I instructed him to go on and get ready for bed he said, "Mom, when are we going to get a referral? I have missed Lakin so much today." Sigh. Grateful his head was on my chest and he couldn't see my tears I swallowed hard and prayed for wisdom and words. I simply said,
"He waits, too."
I sat in silence for a few seconds collecting myself and then tried to explain to Brycen all the timelines, processes, averages, and where we stood in all of that according to "the system." Then, I tried to explain to a 9 year old what can be difficult to flesh out for this 34 year old, and that is this truth:
He waits, too.
I explained to Brycen that just like I, as his mother, want him to drive one day, go to college or the career God has for him, have a wife and children, and fulfill the purpose God has set before him, I can't go out now and buy him a car, college textbooks, or rent his wedding tux. He simply isn't ready. There is a lot he has to learn before he is ready for the responsibility and he has some growing to do before he can handle it all. Just like I am looking forward to all those new adventures with him, I am waiting for those things with him, not keeping them from him with a malicious heart. I am not dangling those things out in front of him to taunt him or provoke anger, simply waiting. In just the same way,
He waits, too
with us. In my mere human words I tried to help Brycen understand that God isn't withholding from us to be mean or to produce bitterness in us. He knows the perfect time and we still have growing to do before we are ready for her or before she is ready for us. I tried to help him understand that knowing all of that and fulling believing it doesn't make it easy, but it does make it purposed. It doesn't make the longing go away, but it does push us to seek His heart and His ways over what we can see with our human eyes. Brycen took it all in and seemed to "get it," particularly excited about the part that God, above all, is our Loving Father, waiting with us.
I really believe this truth and have found Him to be so faithful in days, weeks, and months that pass. His word continues to encourage me and His steadfast love continues to prove trustworthy. The wait, though hard, is pushing us past what we were capable of in our own strength and forcing to rely on His strength more than ever before. Waiting on Him renews our strength. Nothing else. I really love where God has each of us on this journey and I am grateful that Brycen voiced his feelings. It was another reminder to me of how God is working, setting in motion what is to come, even when it feels so far away.
As information is passed along to us we try to keep it "close to our hearts" not relying on statistics or averages and certainly not asking anyone else to on our behalf. We do believe the wait time to get matched with a daughter (our referral) will be longer than we thought even after knowing it had been extended. His will. His way. Not one day goes without His watchful eye. Not one tear goes without being noticed, not one heartache without a Healer. It brings me such comfort to know that I have a Loving Heavenly Father who longs for the day for our sweet girl to be home with us. As we wait and pray, grow and learn, long and dream, we know He is there and
He waits, too.
He waits, too.
Saturday night I was putting the little boys to bed and Hudson wanted to sleep with Brycen while Corbin wanted to sleep with Regan. So, I tucked Hudson in and as I was just sitting beside him on the bed Brycen came and playfully "tackled" me onto the bed, resting his head on my chest. Then, as I instructed him to go on and get ready for bed he said, "Mom, when are we going to get a referral? I have missed Lakin so much today." Sigh. Grateful his head was on my chest and he couldn't see my tears I swallowed hard and prayed for wisdom and words. I simply said,
"He waits, too."
I sat in silence for a few seconds collecting myself and then tried to explain to Brycen all the timelines, processes, averages, and where we stood in all of that according to "the system." Then, I tried to explain to a 9 year old what can be difficult to flesh out for this 34 year old, and that is this truth:
He waits, too.
I explained to Brycen that just like I, as his mother, want him to drive one day, go to college or the career God has for him, have a wife and children, and fulfill the purpose God has set before him, I can't go out now and buy him a car, college textbooks, or rent his wedding tux. He simply isn't ready. There is a lot he has to learn before he is ready for the responsibility and he has some growing to do before he can handle it all. Just like I am looking forward to all those new adventures with him, I am waiting for those things with him, not keeping them from him with a malicious heart. I am not dangling those things out in front of him to taunt him or provoke anger, simply waiting. In just the same way,
He waits, too
with us. In my mere human words I tried to help Brycen understand that God isn't withholding from us to be mean or to produce bitterness in us. He knows the perfect time and we still have growing to do before we are ready for her or before she is ready for us. I tried to help him understand that knowing all of that and fulling believing it doesn't make it easy, but it does make it purposed. It doesn't make the longing go away, but it does push us to seek His heart and His ways over what we can see with our human eyes. Brycen took it all in and seemed to "get it," particularly excited about the part that God, above all, is our Loving Father, waiting with us.
I really believe this truth and have found Him to be so faithful in days, weeks, and months that pass. His word continues to encourage me and His steadfast love continues to prove trustworthy. The wait, though hard, is pushing us past what we were capable of in our own strength and forcing to rely on His strength more than ever before. Waiting on Him renews our strength. Nothing else. I really love where God has each of us on this journey and I am grateful that Brycen voiced his feelings. It was another reminder to me of how God is working, setting in motion what is to come, even when it feels so far away.
As information is passed along to us we try to keep it "close to our hearts" not relying on statistics or averages and certainly not asking anyone else to on our behalf. We do believe the wait time to get matched with a daughter (our referral) will be longer than we thought even after knowing it had been extended. His will. His way. Not one day goes without His watchful eye. Not one tear goes without being noticed, not one heartache without a Healer. It brings me such comfort to know that I have a Loving Heavenly Father who longs for the day for our sweet girl to be home with us. As we wait and pray, grow and learn, long and dream, we know He is there and
He waits, too.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
"Greater Grace"
Well, I never intended there to ever be a time I would wait six weeks between posts. I also never expected this journey to be so hard. I thought I knew it would be hard and I think I even thought I was ready for it. Wrong. So, there isn't a ton to update regarding our sweet princess living in Ethiopia. Our only "new" news is simple: it's still gonna be a while. But, in the meantime, I continue to be humbled and blessed by God's faithfulness to grow us, teach us, stretch us, and wait with us. If you follow the blog much or if you have for long, you know the kids and I were working hard to memorize the book of James over the summer. The book of James is never far from any conversation I have whether it's with a friend, family member, the kids, or myself. It's been my favorite for years. Other important parts of my life are leading the Stay-at-home-mom's Bible study weekly in our home. Twenty-plus moms and their kiddos invade our house every Thursday morning from 9am-11am. The kids head downstairs where faithful. patient, sacrificial childcare workers await them so the moms can remain upstairs for Bible Study. We have always done Beth Moore studies from journeying David's life, to Esther, to Breaking Free.... we are starting our sixth semester together in just 2 weeks! Boy was I excited to learn that Beth Moore's newest study was on the book of James! It has been such a great study for my life in this waiting season. I am nearing the end of the study so I can be fully prepared and ready for those stay-at-home-mom's when they enter the house. But this morning, I had to reread my Bible Study page repeatedly. Tears streaming down my face I first read James 4: 4-6 (NLT):
You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy with God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the Spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy? But He gives us more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but favors the humble."
Back in the summer I had written a blog post called, "Do Not Waver." It was about my struggle in that season of the adoption journey to constantly force myself to not have a divided heart as James warns in James 1. It had become easy to lean on statistics, averages, and "possibilities" more than leaning on Him with an undivided heart. The passage this morning hit me the same, as did one a few days ago from James 4:2, "You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it." I really sat and thought about that verse for what seemed like hours. Of all the days I think of our sweet girl and all the hours I dream about life with her. Of all the days my mind won't focus due to distraction on the other side of the world, of all the sleepless nights crying out on her behalf, of all the conversations about her.... I was forced by the two-edged sword to ask myself, "how much of that time is spent asking Him for her to come home?" Of course, I pray for her and I pray for a miracle in regards to the timetable. I pray for her safety, her emotional stability, her heart to know she is loved. But, in the bigger scheme of things do I spend MOST of the time in waiting in prayer to the ONE who knows her best? The One who is the Day Planner? The One who moves Mountains? It was humbling. And freeing.
But, greater Grace? This hit a part of me that was tender and vulnerable. As a pastor's wife and Bible study leader I work hard to be authentic in all situations, to all people. Fail miserably at times, but my intent is never to be someone other than who God made me to be. In that, it becomes easy to say with my words and even believe that His Grace covers every situation if I allow it. His Sovereignty reigns and He is the Ultimate in light of timetables. He knows. But, to live that out in my words, thoughts, and war waged in my mind has grown so tough. There are days this whole process feels like a story of wishful thinking. Almost as if it isn't ever REALLY going to happen. I stop myself from thinking about the day the call comes or the day I hold her for the first time or what gifts we will leave with her until we return to bring her home because it gets so hard. The wound is open and deep.
But, then steps in Greater Grace.
Not Greater Faith. Not Greater Hopes. Not Greater Plans. Not Greater Coincidences. Not Greater me. Not Greater Mark. Not Greater adoption agency.
Greater Grace.
That changes everything. Here is the excerpt that pushed me to my knees this morning. It's taken from Beth Moore's, "Mercy Triumph," page 140:
"He gives greater grace......Think of all that weighs on you: yesterday's regrets, today's demands, tomorrows plans. Let the pitcher become the cup, and don't just agree to be filled. Sink yourself in those five words until your fears of failure, inadequacy, unforgiveness, and insufficiency drown.
Don't come up for air until those fears lay lifeless and cold on the bottom of the sea. Let Jesus lighten your burden until you float to the top, youth renewed, heart restored. He is enough. Let me say that again: He is enough. When you need more, you will have more. When your woes are great, His grace is greater. When our sins are vast, His mercy is deep. We cannot exceed Him. We cannot outrun Him.
Those five words from James 4:6 are life to us. Without them, we would destroy ourselves and destroy one another. The crown of earthly thorns pierced the tender face of grace and by His wounds we were healed. But, why, believer, do we have so much grace yet live in so much lack?"
sigh.
I am choosing to recognize His grace is greater. His grace IS greater, whether I see it or not... so why live as if He isn't enough? Doesn't even make sense to MY small brain, much less anyone else's. This journey is hard. It is long. It is full of more questions than answers. It is out of our control. It is tearful. It is hard. But His grace is greater than all of that. Combined. I want to show a world desperate for hope, answers, freedom the God of the Universe who is healing, bondage-breaker, life-giver. Even in the tough stuff. In my flesh that is impossible, but living in greater grace nothing is impossible.
Nothing.
You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy with God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the Spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy? But He gives us more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say, "God opposes the proud but favors the humble."
Back in the summer I had written a blog post called, "Do Not Waver." It was about my struggle in that season of the adoption journey to constantly force myself to not have a divided heart as James warns in James 1. It had become easy to lean on statistics, averages, and "possibilities" more than leaning on Him with an undivided heart. The passage this morning hit me the same, as did one a few days ago from James 4:2, "You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don't have what you want because you don't ask God for it." I really sat and thought about that verse for what seemed like hours. Of all the days I think of our sweet girl and all the hours I dream about life with her. Of all the days my mind won't focus due to distraction on the other side of the world, of all the sleepless nights crying out on her behalf, of all the conversations about her.... I was forced by the two-edged sword to ask myself, "how much of that time is spent asking Him for her to come home?" Of course, I pray for her and I pray for a miracle in regards to the timetable. I pray for her safety, her emotional stability, her heart to know she is loved. But, in the bigger scheme of things do I spend MOST of the time in waiting in prayer to the ONE who knows her best? The One who is the Day Planner? The One who moves Mountains? It was humbling. And freeing.
But, greater Grace? This hit a part of me that was tender and vulnerable. As a pastor's wife and Bible study leader I work hard to be authentic in all situations, to all people. Fail miserably at times, but my intent is never to be someone other than who God made me to be. In that, it becomes easy to say with my words and even believe that His Grace covers every situation if I allow it. His Sovereignty reigns and He is the Ultimate in light of timetables. He knows. But, to live that out in my words, thoughts, and war waged in my mind has grown so tough. There are days this whole process feels like a story of wishful thinking. Almost as if it isn't ever REALLY going to happen. I stop myself from thinking about the day the call comes or the day I hold her for the first time or what gifts we will leave with her until we return to bring her home because it gets so hard. The wound is open and deep.
But, then steps in Greater Grace.
Not Greater Faith. Not Greater Hopes. Not Greater Plans. Not Greater Coincidences. Not Greater me. Not Greater Mark. Not Greater adoption agency.
Greater Grace.
That changes everything. Here is the excerpt that pushed me to my knees this morning. It's taken from Beth Moore's, "Mercy Triumph," page 140:
"He gives greater grace......Think of all that weighs on you: yesterday's regrets, today's demands, tomorrows plans. Let the pitcher become the cup, and don't just agree to be filled. Sink yourself in those five words until your fears of failure, inadequacy, unforgiveness, and insufficiency drown.
Don't come up for air until those fears lay lifeless and cold on the bottom of the sea. Let Jesus lighten your burden until you float to the top, youth renewed, heart restored. He is enough. Let me say that again: He is enough. When you need more, you will have more. When your woes are great, His grace is greater. When our sins are vast, His mercy is deep. We cannot exceed Him. We cannot outrun Him.
Those five words from James 4:6 are life to us. Without them, we would destroy ourselves and destroy one another. The crown of earthly thorns pierced the tender face of grace and by His wounds we were healed. But, why, believer, do we have so much grace yet live in so much lack?"
sigh.
I am choosing to recognize His grace is greater. His grace IS greater, whether I see it or not... so why live as if He isn't enough? Doesn't even make sense to MY small brain, much less anyone else's. This journey is hard. It is long. It is full of more questions than answers. It is out of our control. It is tearful. It is hard. But His grace is greater than all of that. Combined. I want to show a world desperate for hope, answers, freedom the God of the Universe who is healing, bondage-breaker, life-giver. Even in the tough stuff. In my flesh that is impossible, but living in greater grace nothing is impossible.
Nothing.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
"Met in Thee Tonight"
Who knew? Who knew we would still be waiting to see a picture, know an age, see a face belonging to our daughter? He knew. He knows.
It's often I have to remind myself that just because we haven't received a call yet doesn't mean we are forgotten. I even grab my Bible or hit my knees somedays for the sole purpose of replacing lies with Truth: He knows, He cares, He is receiving the most glory this way. It never occurred to me a few months ago that we would celebrate Christmas, again, without knowing who our daughter is. As the days have turned to weeks and as Christmas week has come, I feel like every day is a fight to not grow weary and discouraged. The prayers of faithful friends and family are sustaining us and reminders of their prayers come at the most appropriate times. Yesterday seemed particularly hard for some reason. I fought back tears numerous times and even gave way to them a time or two, just missing our sweet, lonely child that remains faceless.
I did my "normal" things in the day of laundry, dishes, feeding hungry kids, working out, and getting everyone ready for a special Christmas service at church last night. What happened to me there was anything but "normal." We began by singing the traditional Christmas songs and the candles were lit around us as we sang. Then, as we sang "O Little Town of Bethlehem" my heart found peace and rest in a line that had grown too familiar:
The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight.
My eyes filled with tears and suddenly the birth of Christ took on a fresh, new meaning. I have known my entire life that Christ came to live a perfect life in order that He would die for our sins. I have known that Him coming is the one and only bridge that had the ability to span the gulf lying between me and the God of the Universe. Yet, I had somehow missed that in that manger laid the same One who holds all my hopes and fears. In Him they are all planned out, orchestrated, being fine tuned, and one day will be perfected. I have sang it a thousand times or more, yet the words resonated with my heartbeat last night, the heartbeat of being fearful Uand sometimes feeling like hope for our daughter will never really come. He spoke to me in that moment, reminding me He knows I am afraid and He knows I need hope for the years to come.
The Hopes. The hope that she will one day find and know the One who holds every answer, that she will grow to believe that her past, present, and future are all designed for His glory, that she will immediately know and trust our love, that she will find her family to be trustworthy, patient, and more than she had every hoped for, that she will have the ability to grieve here, find healing here, and one day offer His hope to others, that our hearts will find renewed strength as we press on trusting His timing, that one day the wait will make perfect sense, hope that even if we never know the "why's" we always know the "Who".
The list is so long, there aren't enough words or time to "pen" them all. The hopes and fears....
The fears. Rarely do we, as human beings, strip out of our arrogance long enough to look someone in the eye and say, "I am afraid of ......" But, in this adoption there are real-life fears. Just to name a few: the unknown, bringing in a child who doesn't speak our language, not knowing how she will adjust or fit into our family, needing wisdom on how to merge two cultures and two worlds that will make up the fabric of our family.... a fabric we are all familiar with right now, fears about how she will relate to us and the kids, fears about her past and how to offer her total healing, uncertainty about how to calm her, will we know how to deal with her intense grief?, will she know our love is unconditional, will she trust us yet even in five years?
Oh goodness. The list could go on for days. But I continue to be reminded that in every hard, God-sized task He has ever called me to, wrapped up in the risk and questions came the greatest blessings. Then, the Hope comes in.
But, I couldn't stop there. The next few words were equally as important:
of all the years. ALL the years. The ones before us. The ones before her. The ones after us. The ones after her. All her years. All her years are found in Him. All our years. All our days. Even the hard ones. Even the ones where He is working and we just have to trust what is unseen. It is so hard for me to imagine a 2-5 year old girl living today without a Mom or Dad. Having no one to call family or anyone to hold her when she is sick. It's hard to think about her having nothing to call her own but her name and no one to run to when she is afraid. But,
our hopes and fears of ALL the years are met in Thee tonight.
All the days of questions from our kids about why the wait is so long. All the hard nights where Mark and I lay in our bed talking about her and dreaming. And crying. And wondering. All the the tears, all the questions, all the holidays that come and go. All the longing. All the prayers. All the years are
met in Thee tonight.
As we press on toward the weekend we are hurting, but hopeful. As we set out gifts for a daughter who isn't yet home we are eager to see His plan and know her face. We are fighting through fears with hope and thankful to serve One who knows them all. We are trusting Him in fresh new ways and seeing Him work in ways only He can. And when we sing this Christmas we will sing with a new song, one that lasts all year,
The Hopes and Fears of All the Years are Met in THEE tonight.
It's often I have to remind myself that just because we haven't received a call yet doesn't mean we are forgotten. I even grab my Bible or hit my knees somedays for the sole purpose of replacing lies with Truth: He knows, He cares, He is receiving the most glory this way. It never occurred to me a few months ago that we would celebrate Christmas, again, without knowing who our daughter is. As the days have turned to weeks and as Christmas week has come, I feel like every day is a fight to not grow weary and discouraged. The prayers of faithful friends and family are sustaining us and reminders of their prayers come at the most appropriate times. Yesterday seemed particularly hard for some reason. I fought back tears numerous times and even gave way to them a time or two, just missing our sweet, lonely child that remains faceless.
I did my "normal" things in the day of laundry, dishes, feeding hungry kids, working out, and getting everyone ready for a special Christmas service at church last night. What happened to me there was anything but "normal." We began by singing the traditional Christmas songs and the candles were lit around us as we sang. Then, as we sang "O Little Town of Bethlehem" my heart found peace and rest in a line that had grown too familiar:
The hopes and fears of all the years are met in Thee tonight.
My eyes filled with tears and suddenly the birth of Christ took on a fresh, new meaning. I have known my entire life that Christ came to live a perfect life in order that He would die for our sins. I have known that Him coming is the one and only bridge that had the ability to span the gulf lying between me and the God of the Universe. Yet, I had somehow missed that in that manger laid the same One who holds all my hopes and fears. In Him they are all planned out, orchestrated, being fine tuned, and one day will be perfected. I have sang it a thousand times or more, yet the words resonated with my heartbeat last night, the heartbeat of being fearful Uand sometimes feeling like hope for our daughter will never really come. He spoke to me in that moment, reminding me He knows I am afraid and He knows I need hope for the years to come.
The Hopes. The hope that she will one day find and know the One who holds every answer, that she will grow to believe that her past, present, and future are all designed for His glory, that she will immediately know and trust our love, that she will find her family to be trustworthy, patient, and more than she had every hoped for, that she will have the ability to grieve here, find healing here, and one day offer His hope to others, that our hearts will find renewed strength as we press on trusting His timing, that one day the wait will make perfect sense, hope that even if we never know the "why's" we always know the "Who".
The list is so long, there aren't enough words or time to "pen" them all. The hopes and fears....
The fears. Rarely do we, as human beings, strip out of our arrogance long enough to look someone in the eye and say, "I am afraid of ......" But, in this adoption there are real-life fears. Just to name a few: the unknown, bringing in a child who doesn't speak our language, not knowing how she will adjust or fit into our family, needing wisdom on how to merge two cultures and two worlds that will make up the fabric of our family.... a fabric we are all familiar with right now, fears about how she will relate to us and the kids, fears about her past and how to offer her total healing, uncertainty about how to calm her, will we know how to deal with her intense grief?, will she know our love is unconditional, will she trust us yet even in five years?
Oh goodness. The list could go on for days. But I continue to be reminded that in every hard, God-sized task He has ever called me to, wrapped up in the risk and questions came the greatest blessings. Then, the Hope comes in.
But, I couldn't stop there. The next few words were equally as important:
of all the years. ALL the years. The ones before us. The ones before her. The ones after us. The ones after her. All her years. All her years are found in Him. All our years. All our days. Even the hard ones. Even the ones where He is working and we just have to trust what is unseen. It is so hard for me to imagine a 2-5 year old girl living today without a Mom or Dad. Having no one to call family or anyone to hold her when she is sick. It's hard to think about her having nothing to call her own but her name and no one to run to when she is afraid. But,
our hopes and fears of ALL the years are met in Thee tonight.
All the days of questions from our kids about why the wait is so long. All the hard nights where Mark and I lay in our bed talking about her and dreaming. And crying. And wondering. All the the tears, all the questions, all the holidays that come and go. All the longing. All the prayers. All the years are
met in Thee tonight.
As we press on toward the weekend we are hurting, but hopeful. As we set out gifts for a daughter who isn't yet home we are eager to see His plan and know her face. We are fighting through fears with hope and thankful to serve One who knows them all. We are trusting Him in fresh new ways and seeing Him work in ways only He can. And when we sing this Christmas we will sing with a new song, one that lasts all year,
The Hopes and Fears of All the Years are Met in THEE tonight.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
"Nothin's Gonna Mute My Praise"
Our weekend was life-changing.
We were thrilled to open our home for three nights to two girls from Children of the World Choir who were participating in our Christmas program at church. Brenda is 9 (from Uganda) and Irene who is 11 (from Philippines) fit right into our family! Having them around here for 3 days was not only amazing fun it was also incredibly humbling. Though we don't know their exact histories/stories we do know they come from severely disadvantaged families or they are orphaned. Children of the World invites children from around the world who are in these situations and who have a sponsor (through World Help or Samaritan's Purse) to travel world wide for 10 months while educating them, teaching them English, and providing them with opportunities to go back to their homes after the tour and impact their people with hope, opportunity, and Jesus. The testimonies from former choir members are so encouraging. Anyway... as we arrived home with our new "sisters" Friday they were initially quiet and reserved. That was short-lived. Regan and Irene quickly settled into watching High School Musical while Brycen and Mark went to basketball practice. Brenda wasn't much on sitting still and being quiet so she came upstairs with me and snuggled up beside me asking me at least a million questions. Then, she jumped up and said, " I will sing for you." I was all for that!!! So song after song, dance move after dance move she stole my heart. But, the one song that stuck out to me was one she sang with the most enthusiasm. She smiled big and sang through her smile while dancing, "Nothin's gonna hold me down, no. Nothin's gonna hold me down." Then she shifted and started dancing to the other side and sang louder,
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise, No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
I sat watching her with tears streaming down my face. In all the Christmas hype and Christmas programs, in all the shopping and parties, end of the semester "things," and in all of the schedule juggling, the waiting grows more difficult with every passing day. I was just reading over blog posts of mine from a year ago, thinking our sweet girl would be home this Christmas. Now, I am realizing she might be home just in time for Christmas NEXT year. We are all learning to trust God's timing in new, real, hard ways. We are growing in our faith and depending more and more on HIm and less and less on statistics, averages, and phone calls. In all of that growing, I have a new motto:
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
There was something so special about having Brenda and Irene here... it was as if they represented tangible confirmation that God is working with each of us individually in the waiting. Nothing compared to unloading everyone out of the car during the weekend and watching Corbin stand, hand in the air, waiting for Brenda to "unload" so he could hold her hand until we got where we were going. I also loved seeing Brycen serve the girls every night at dinner, making sure they had all they needed and enjoying getting them whatever they needed. Regan especially loved sharing her room with Brenda and Irene! One night while the girls were here Regan and I were chatting and she said, "Just think, Mom, one day, this will be real. My sister won't have to leave."
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
As we approach Christmas we are continuing to focus on celebrating the birth of our Savior. Knowing without His birth none of us could've been adopted as sons and daughters of The King of Kings. We would still be without an inheritance, without hope, without HIm. Though we are celebrating with one child still away from home, we are celebrating nonetheless. Lakin has gifts, just like the other children, and we are all eager to share them with her when she comes home! In the meantime, we want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. As we focus on the birth of Jesus, we are praying God's best for you and we are grateful for your prayers for our family. In celebration of His coming down to us, His making a way for our redemption, and His willingness to come lowly,
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
We were thrilled to open our home for three nights to two girls from Children of the World Choir who were participating in our Christmas program at church. Brenda is 9 (from Uganda) and Irene who is 11 (from Philippines) fit right into our family! Having them around here for 3 days was not only amazing fun it was also incredibly humbling. Though we don't know their exact histories/stories we do know they come from severely disadvantaged families or they are orphaned. Children of the World invites children from around the world who are in these situations and who have a sponsor (through World Help or Samaritan's Purse) to travel world wide for 10 months while educating them, teaching them English, and providing them with opportunities to go back to their homes after the tour and impact their people with hope, opportunity, and Jesus. The testimonies from former choir members are so encouraging. Anyway... as we arrived home with our new "sisters" Friday they were initially quiet and reserved. That was short-lived. Regan and Irene quickly settled into watching High School Musical while Brycen and Mark went to basketball practice. Brenda wasn't much on sitting still and being quiet so she came upstairs with me and snuggled up beside me asking me at least a million questions. Then, she jumped up and said, " I will sing for you." I was all for that!!! So song after song, dance move after dance move she stole my heart. But, the one song that stuck out to me was one she sang with the most enthusiasm. She smiled big and sang through her smile while dancing, "Nothin's gonna hold me down, no. Nothin's gonna hold me down." Then she shifted and started dancing to the other side and sang louder,
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise, No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
I sat watching her with tears streaming down my face. In all the Christmas hype and Christmas programs, in all the shopping and parties, end of the semester "things," and in all of the schedule juggling, the waiting grows more difficult with every passing day. I was just reading over blog posts of mine from a year ago, thinking our sweet girl would be home this Christmas. Now, I am realizing she might be home just in time for Christmas NEXT year. We are all learning to trust God's timing in new, real, hard ways. We are growing in our faith and depending more and more on HIm and less and less on statistics, averages, and phone calls. In all of that growing, I have a new motto:
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
There was something so special about having Brenda and Irene here... it was as if they represented tangible confirmation that God is working with each of us individually in the waiting. Nothing compared to unloading everyone out of the car during the weekend and watching Corbin stand, hand in the air, waiting for Brenda to "unload" so he could hold her hand until we got where we were going. I also loved seeing Brycen serve the girls every night at dinner, making sure they had all they needed and enjoying getting them whatever they needed. Regan especially loved sharing her room with Brenda and Irene! One night while the girls were here Regan and I were chatting and she said, "Just think, Mom, one day, this will be real. My sister won't have to leave."
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
As we approach Christmas we are continuing to focus on celebrating the birth of our Savior. Knowing without His birth none of us could've been adopted as sons and daughters of The King of Kings. We would still be without an inheritance, without hope, without HIm. Though we are celebrating with one child still away from home, we are celebrating nonetheless. Lakin has gifts, just like the other children, and we are all eager to share them with her when she comes home! In the meantime, we want to wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas. As we focus on the birth of Jesus, we are praying God's best for you and we are grateful for your prayers for our family. In celebration of His coming down to us, His making a way for our redemption, and His willingness to come lowly,
"Nothin's gonna mute my praise! No! Nothin's gonna mute my praise!"
Friday, November 11, 2011
my Day Planner
According to my day planner we turned in our formal adoption application January 20, 2011. It included a mound of paperwork that had been preceded by a preliminary application. I flip through the black, worn planner only a few pages and come to March 10, 2011, the day we were told adoptions in Ethiopia would decrease by 90%. Two weeks later, on March 24, we started our home study and completed it only 4 days later. Our home study was officially completed and ready for us to pick up on April 20, marking the first day we could apply for grants and mail immigration paperwork. We did both that very day. April 30 we held our fist ever adoption yard sale and three weeks later we went for our USCIS (immigration services) fingerprinting on May 17. We enjoyed a week in Disney at the first of June and came home anxious to receive our USCIS approval. Our wait was short as it arrived on June 16. The USCIS approval was the final paperwork needed to complete our dossier. So June 17th I was running around crazy getting every form county sealed after confirming all were correctly notarized. We enjoyed Father's Day weekend and hit the road early Monday morning, June 20 for Nashville where we had our dossier state authenticated. Early the next morning I took our completed dossier (and a bajillion copies I had stayed up late making and organizing) to our social worker at our local Bethany office. She then sent our dossier over night to the Bethany Christian Services headquarters in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Our part was over for a while. A long while.
We received an email August 2 stating our dossier had been translated and registered in Ethiopia. The wait continued. In my heart we have been waiting years, but only 4 1/2 months (since June 20 when I dropped off our dossier) according to
my day planner.
Fast forward through those 4+ months to yesterday. I sent an email to the coordinator for referrals in Grand Rapids simply introducing myself and our family, as we had learned we would be dealing with her directly from here on out. I just wanted to know how referrals were coming along for others and if, indeed, the average wait time was still 3-6 mo to receive a referral. The response wasn't what we wanted to hear, but we understand the reasoning. The wait time has increased from 3-6 mo to 6 mo-12 mo. This wait time begins when our dossier is translated and registered in Ethiopia, August 2. So, we (technically) have only been waiting just over 3 months in what will likely be a 6-12 month wait to see the face of our sweet Lakin. The reason for the delay is simply that more investigations are needed for each case prior to a referral (a match) being given to ensure the child really meets the definition of "an orphan." This part wasn't in
my day planner.
Then, I stop and pray. I can calculate, figure, read blogs and yahoo groups, speculate, and presume all day long and drive myself crazy or I can remember I have a different
Day Planner.
He is Day Inventor. Day Giver. Day Sustainer. Day Changer. Day Maker. Day Planner. He has reminded me at least a million times recently in my study of Esther, how precise are His ways. How precise is His time. And His timing. I know for sure that His time table supercedes all averages, delays, or legalities. He is the One who placed Esther in the palace over 5 years before she exposed Haman's plot to kill all the Jews. He placed her there in His timing, preparing her for His plan to be fulfilled in His way. It wasn't Esther. It was God. It wasn't her days plan. It was her
Day Planner.
Writing tonight with a heavy heart, I am still confidant in His will, His way, His love, His timing. The wait grows more difficult with each passing day, but our strength continues to be renewed as we wait for Him. I feel sure there will come a day I will pull out my black, worn
day planner
and stand amazed at the One who holds my every tear in a bottle,
my Day Planner.
Our part was over for a while. A long while.
We received an email August 2 stating our dossier had been translated and registered in Ethiopia. The wait continued. In my heart we have been waiting years, but only 4 1/2 months (since June 20 when I dropped off our dossier) according to
my day planner.
Fast forward through those 4+ months to yesterday. I sent an email to the coordinator for referrals in Grand Rapids simply introducing myself and our family, as we had learned we would be dealing with her directly from here on out. I just wanted to know how referrals were coming along for others and if, indeed, the average wait time was still 3-6 mo to receive a referral. The response wasn't what we wanted to hear, but we understand the reasoning. The wait time has increased from 3-6 mo to 6 mo-12 mo. This wait time begins when our dossier is translated and registered in Ethiopia, August 2. So, we (technically) have only been waiting just over 3 months in what will likely be a 6-12 month wait to see the face of our sweet Lakin. The reason for the delay is simply that more investigations are needed for each case prior to a referral (a match) being given to ensure the child really meets the definition of "an orphan." This part wasn't in
my day planner.
Then, I stop and pray. I can calculate, figure, read blogs and yahoo groups, speculate, and presume all day long and drive myself crazy or I can remember I have a different
Day Planner.
He is Day Inventor. Day Giver. Day Sustainer. Day Changer. Day Maker. Day Planner. He has reminded me at least a million times recently in my study of Esther, how precise are His ways. How precise is His time. And His timing. I know for sure that His time table supercedes all averages, delays, or legalities. He is the One who placed Esther in the palace over 5 years before she exposed Haman's plot to kill all the Jews. He placed her there in His timing, preparing her for His plan to be fulfilled in His way. It wasn't Esther. It was God. It wasn't her days plan. It was her
Day Planner.
Writing tonight with a heavy heart, I am still confidant in His will, His way, His love, His timing. The wait grows more difficult with each passing day, but our strength continues to be renewed as we wait for Him. I feel sure there will come a day I will pull out my black, worn
day planner
and stand amazed at the One who holds my every tear in a bottle,
my Day Planner.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Our Shalom
Our Peace.
It's such a sweet, intentional gift offered for our taking from the One who IS peace. The waiting is growing wearisome with each passing day, but we are confident in God's timing. This week has been particularly difficult. With orphan Sunday this weekend we have both had our minds more consumed with orphans. One in particular. Mark and I spent one night talking through things we think about:
"Do you think she watches other children go with families and wonder if she will ever get a family?"
"I wonder nearly every day if today is her birthday and no one is celebrating her."
"Do you think she had one full meal today?"
"I wonder if she has been in the orphanage a long time and doesn't remember her biological family."
And the list goes on. There are more questions without answers than with answers, but in the waiting we are growing, trusting, and believing God's plan to be abundant. Even when it is really hard to be patient. Really, really hard. I was just sharing with a couple adopting a newborn how closely the adoption process mimics pregnancy emotionally (at least for me!). I am forgetful, clumsy, and nesting. It's the craziest thing ever. And then I remember that adoption is God's plan and He never overlooks even the smallest of details. So, of COURSE my emotions mimic pregnancy. In all of that, however, it becomes difficult on some days (some days more than others) to accept the peace God is offering in the process. There are days it would be easier to have a pity party, cry my eyes out, and curl up in a ball. OK, so maybe I HAVE chosen that route a time or two (or five), but then, I am reminded of the Peace. God didn't send Jesus in order for me to have pity parties, cry fests, and days curled up in bed. He came for freedom and to offer His children peace. I am being more intentional about accepting it. Though, it continues to be a daily battle.
In the meantime, I have been so grateful for a song newly introduced to me, "Our Shalom." One day after Bible study my friend, Jenny, told me she wanted me to hear a song. I listened to it on her phone and then went to watch the YouTube video later that night. I immediately downloaded it and hit repeat on my iPod. There are times I can listen and sing along. Other times I can't sing due to overwhelming gratitude for Him, our Shalom. Then other times I listen with tears streaming down my face when all I can do is mouth the words. I am praying it will be a blessing to you. It now serves as one of my all time favorites for personal worship. The song is written by James Tealy. As you listen, I am prayerful you, too, will find Him to be your Shalom.
Our Peace.
It's such a sweet, intentional gift offered for our taking from the One who IS peace. The waiting is growing wearisome with each passing day, but we are confident in God's timing. This week has been particularly difficult. With orphan Sunday this weekend we have both had our minds more consumed with orphans. One in particular. Mark and I spent one night talking through things we think about:
"Do you think she watches other children go with families and wonder if she will ever get a family?"
"I wonder nearly every day if today is her birthday and no one is celebrating her."
"Do you think she had one full meal today?"
"I wonder if she has been in the orphanage a long time and doesn't remember her biological family."
And the list goes on. There are more questions without answers than with answers, but in the waiting we are growing, trusting, and believing God's plan to be abundant. Even when it is really hard to be patient. Really, really hard. I was just sharing with a couple adopting a newborn how closely the adoption process mimics pregnancy emotionally (at least for me!). I am forgetful, clumsy, and nesting. It's the craziest thing ever. And then I remember that adoption is God's plan and He never overlooks even the smallest of details. So, of COURSE my emotions mimic pregnancy. In all of that, however, it becomes difficult on some days (some days more than others) to accept the peace God is offering in the process. There are days it would be easier to have a pity party, cry my eyes out, and curl up in a ball. OK, so maybe I HAVE chosen that route a time or two (or five), but then, I am reminded of the Peace. God didn't send Jesus in order for me to have pity parties, cry fests, and days curled up in bed. He came for freedom and to offer His children peace. I am being more intentional about accepting it. Though, it continues to be a daily battle.
In the meantime, I have been so grateful for a song newly introduced to me, "Our Shalom." One day after Bible study my friend, Jenny, told me she wanted me to hear a song. I listened to it on her phone and then went to watch the YouTube video later that night. I immediately downloaded it and hit repeat on my iPod. There are times I can listen and sing along. Other times I can't sing due to overwhelming gratitude for Him, our Shalom. Then other times I listen with tears streaming down my face when all I can do is mouth the words. I am praying it will be a blessing to you. It now serves as one of my all time favorites for personal worship. The song is written by James Tealy. As you listen, I am prayerful you, too, will find Him to be your Shalom.
Our Peace.
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