Well, our house has been busy the past few days as Mark and I prepare to leave for Passion: Ft. Worth tomorrow. The weekend was full of laundry, packing, writing notes for all the childcare help, organizing thoughts/stuff/ more stuff. And, then Monday was a continuation of the busyness, except with one big difference: Our final home study visit!!!! We were thrilled to have our social worker here to meet our kids, see our home, and get to know us in our environment. We started our home study interviews on Thursday (my individual meeting), then Friday (our couple interview and Mark's individual), and then, finally, Monday's visit in our home. At the end of my visit on Thursday, our social worker asked me what states I have lived in since I turned 18. I simply answered, "North Carolina," she typed on her computer and then had me fill out a section of my back ground check for North Carolina. She was gonna complete the rest of the form. Mark did the same thing on Friday after noon (late afternoon, like 4 pm). Just before she left her office Monday to come to our house, the social worker said she walked by the fax machine as something was coming through. Then, she realized it was from North Carolina. She said, "I thought to myself, 'I must have omitted something and they need clarification.' Then I realized it was your completed back ground checks. I have never had back ground checks come back that fast." I had to smile and say, "I am not surprised. That is what we are praying for."
It's in the little things I am learning to see Him and learning to just say, "Not surprised." He is hearing, He is answering, He is making a way. We are so, so grateful and humbled.
Once our home study is typed up and completed by the social worker we will apply for the immigration approval, fingerprinting, etc. Thanks for journeying with us. We will keep you updated as things progress. You being with us along way has made it so much sweeter. It is one of the unexpected blessings for us, one no one could have prepared us for. Then, again, I think about how He has crafted us to be His body, His Plan A. When I think about that I have to shrug and say, "Not surprised." We love you.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tangible
What a difference two weeks makes.
As we have journeyed the last two weeks from hearing about MOWA's plans to only view 5 cases per day as opposed to the previous 50-60 cases per day, our emotions have wavered from fear, sadness, & grief to hope, joy, & peace. It's like riding some kind of crazy roller coaster that you are unfamiliar with. Blind-folded. But, here we are. Overwhelmingly grateful to be on the roller coaster, deep valleys and all. We only received official confirmation from our agency yesterday that MOWA is now seeing 20 cases per day! Praises! It isn't back to 100%, but nearing 50% sure is better than the previous 90% decrease. We are overjoyed and thankful. God is answering our prayers and I do not believe it would be happening without them. The MOWA office did fire their previous personnel and now have a new director and all new personnel. The new staff seems to be willing to work with the US State Dept, other governments around the world, and agencies to resolve the corruption without such a drastic decrease in case load. For about 10 days we were in a "wait and see" mode. Just waiting and "watching" what was actually happening in adoption cases from Ethiopia. Two weeks ago tomorrow I was emotional all day, knowing if I had one quiet second alone I would have burst into tears all over the place. And I did a few times. I was so sad, fearing we would have to wait years to hold our daughter, but knowing it was all in God's timing. The human in me was just really, really sad. I was crying for orphans who would be left to the streets without the revenue from international adoptions to keep their orphanages open. That night I decided to shower late after the kids had gone to bed. In the shower, I sat down and prayed aloud, asking God to heal my heart and to give me the courage to trust Him. No matter what. Over and over I pleaded and said, "I trust You with my family." Over and over He was faithful to whisper in my spirit, "I know her, Carrie, and she is worth it. No matter what the next few months look like. She is worth the wait. I see her even now." The more He spoke to me, the more I trusted and believed Him.
When I woke the next morning, I was choosing hope and praise. I led stay-at-home-Mom's bible study that morning and chose not read any emails or internet updates until Bible study was over. When I opened my email and read that MOWA had only seen 5 cases that day, I began to cry. I was so grateful to have a few friends still here who loved on Sharon (also adopting from Ethiopia) and I. Through out the day I would audibly say, "I am putting my hope in You, Lord" more to get my heart and mind focused on Him than anything. Reminding myself that His timing is perfect, He sees all, He knows all, and His ways are full of purpose. That night our family went to IHOP for dinner, I wasn't up to cooking. I was hesitant all afternoon, waiting for Brycen or Regan to ask me if I had "talked to Ethiopia yet." That morning they woke up, knowing it was a big decision day in Ethiopia, and asked if we could pray for the people making decisions. Their involvement and encouragement are such a bright spot on this journey. I was grateful, however, they didn't ask me about it right after school. I wasn't sure I could drive and explain in effectively. I really wanted to be able to sit and talk to them about God's timing and trusting in Him, etc. That night at IHOP Regan and I went to the ladies room. While she was washing her hands she looked up at me and said, "Oh, Mom, I meant to ask you if you talked to Ethiopia today." Gulp. I replied, "Yes, Sweetie, I did. Listen, " (and I squatted down to get on eye level with her), "Ethiopia is slowing down how many adoptions they are doing. By a lot. So, it is just going to take a lot longer to get a sister than we originally thought." Wide-eyed she replied, "But, I can still get a brown sister, right?" "Yes," I said, "it is just going to take a while. Do you understand?" She turned and reached for a paper towel and began drying her hands. As she opened the door she looked back and said, "Yes. She will be worth the wait."
Tangible.
I could hardly get myself back to the table. The way God loves us overwhelms me sometimes. I was so in awe of Him, right there in the IHOP bathroom! He knew I needed something tangible to know He had heard our hearts' cries. The very words He had whispered to me the night before my six year old just spoke audibly. Sigh. He is so good to us, fighting our battles for us and protecting us along the way.
Needless to say, I replayed that bathroom conversation over and over in my mind about a million times over the next week when things were still in chaos and when scheduled meetings to give concrete answers were repeatedly cancelled. It was becoming more and more clear that putting my Hope in anything other than Him would prove inconsistent, unreliable, and temporary. But, as the days pressed on, the news got better and better.
It came to a huge mountain-top for us Thursday. In the middle of all of the unknowns, I was feeling like we may never get started on our home study or our next batch of paper work. I had taken the kids to the park Thursday to play and when I got back into the car I realized I had missed a call. When I listened to the voicemail, tears fell. It was our social worker from our agency wanting to start our home study! I initially thought the home study would take about a month. It is one visit alone with me, one alone with Mark, one with us together, and then one at our home. When I called back to give our available days, she said, "How about let's do your interview alone Thursday, then Friday you and Mark come in together and then I will do his after we finish with the two of you together." What? 3 of the 4 visits in 2 days? Yes. Our God is tangible. We are hoping to have our final home visit at the beginning of next week (before we leave for Passion: Ft. Worth) or at the beginning of the following week. From the latest information we have received this week it seems that our process will go "as normal" from now until we get our referral (so we need to do immigration paper work/fingerprinting, finish up our dossier, get it all authenticated at the state and federal levels, send it to Ethiopia, and wait). Once the Ethiopian government receives all of our paper work they will match us with a little girl. After we receive her information we wait a few months and go to "court." We will go to court in Ethiopia (this is the process where she becomes a McKeehan!) and we will be able to meet her and spend a few hours a day with her while we are there. Then, we will return home. This is where the new changes will likely cause a delay. Currently, there are about 5-6 weeks between your court date and your embassy appointment (when you travel back to Ethiopia and she becomes a US citizen and is able to enter our country and come to live with us!). The chances are, the time frame from court to embassy will at least double ( on the fast end). Rather than focusing on that, we are so excited to be getting our home study completed and to get on with the good stuff, without worrying and focusing on the negative stuff.
We are so honored and humbled to have you journeying with us. Our hearts are often in awe over the gratitude and support so many have offered us. Above all, we are humbled and brought to our knees with arms raised high at the faithfulness of our God. He is good. He is purposed. He is Sovereign. And in this season, I am so thankful
He is tangible.
As we have journeyed the last two weeks from hearing about MOWA's plans to only view 5 cases per day as opposed to the previous 50-60 cases per day, our emotions have wavered from fear, sadness, & grief to hope, joy, & peace. It's like riding some kind of crazy roller coaster that you are unfamiliar with. Blind-folded. But, here we are. Overwhelmingly grateful to be on the roller coaster, deep valleys and all. We only received official confirmation from our agency yesterday that MOWA is now seeing 20 cases per day! Praises! It isn't back to 100%, but nearing 50% sure is better than the previous 90% decrease. We are overjoyed and thankful. God is answering our prayers and I do not believe it would be happening without them. The MOWA office did fire their previous personnel and now have a new director and all new personnel. The new staff seems to be willing to work with the US State Dept, other governments around the world, and agencies to resolve the corruption without such a drastic decrease in case load. For about 10 days we were in a "wait and see" mode. Just waiting and "watching" what was actually happening in adoption cases from Ethiopia. Two weeks ago tomorrow I was emotional all day, knowing if I had one quiet second alone I would have burst into tears all over the place. And I did a few times. I was so sad, fearing we would have to wait years to hold our daughter, but knowing it was all in God's timing. The human in me was just really, really sad. I was crying for orphans who would be left to the streets without the revenue from international adoptions to keep their orphanages open. That night I decided to shower late after the kids had gone to bed. In the shower, I sat down and prayed aloud, asking God to heal my heart and to give me the courage to trust Him. No matter what. Over and over I pleaded and said, "I trust You with my family." Over and over He was faithful to whisper in my spirit, "I know her, Carrie, and she is worth it. No matter what the next few months look like. She is worth the wait. I see her even now." The more He spoke to me, the more I trusted and believed Him.
When I woke the next morning, I was choosing hope and praise. I led stay-at-home-Mom's bible study that morning and chose not read any emails or internet updates until Bible study was over. When I opened my email and read that MOWA had only seen 5 cases that day, I began to cry. I was so grateful to have a few friends still here who loved on Sharon (also adopting from Ethiopia) and I. Through out the day I would audibly say, "I am putting my hope in You, Lord" more to get my heart and mind focused on Him than anything. Reminding myself that His timing is perfect, He sees all, He knows all, and His ways are full of purpose. That night our family went to IHOP for dinner, I wasn't up to cooking. I was hesitant all afternoon, waiting for Brycen or Regan to ask me if I had "talked to Ethiopia yet." That morning they woke up, knowing it was a big decision day in Ethiopia, and asked if we could pray for the people making decisions. Their involvement and encouragement are such a bright spot on this journey. I was grateful, however, they didn't ask me about it right after school. I wasn't sure I could drive and explain in effectively. I really wanted to be able to sit and talk to them about God's timing and trusting in Him, etc. That night at IHOP Regan and I went to the ladies room. While she was washing her hands she looked up at me and said, "Oh, Mom, I meant to ask you if you talked to Ethiopia today." Gulp. I replied, "Yes, Sweetie, I did. Listen, " (and I squatted down to get on eye level with her), "Ethiopia is slowing down how many adoptions they are doing. By a lot. So, it is just going to take a lot longer to get a sister than we originally thought." Wide-eyed she replied, "But, I can still get a brown sister, right?" "Yes," I said, "it is just going to take a while. Do you understand?" She turned and reached for a paper towel and began drying her hands. As she opened the door she looked back and said, "Yes. She will be worth the wait."
Tangible.
I could hardly get myself back to the table. The way God loves us overwhelms me sometimes. I was so in awe of Him, right there in the IHOP bathroom! He knew I needed something tangible to know He had heard our hearts' cries. The very words He had whispered to me the night before my six year old just spoke audibly. Sigh. He is so good to us, fighting our battles for us and protecting us along the way.
Needless to say, I replayed that bathroom conversation over and over in my mind about a million times over the next week when things were still in chaos and when scheduled meetings to give concrete answers were repeatedly cancelled. It was becoming more and more clear that putting my Hope in anything other than Him would prove inconsistent, unreliable, and temporary. But, as the days pressed on, the news got better and better.
It came to a huge mountain-top for us Thursday. In the middle of all of the unknowns, I was feeling like we may never get started on our home study or our next batch of paper work. I had taken the kids to the park Thursday to play and when I got back into the car I realized I had missed a call. When I listened to the voicemail, tears fell. It was our social worker from our agency wanting to start our home study! I initially thought the home study would take about a month. It is one visit alone with me, one alone with Mark, one with us together, and then one at our home. When I called back to give our available days, she said, "How about let's do your interview alone Thursday, then Friday you and Mark come in together and then I will do his after we finish with the two of you together." What? 3 of the 4 visits in 2 days? Yes. Our God is tangible. We are hoping to have our final home visit at the beginning of next week (before we leave for Passion: Ft. Worth) or at the beginning of the following week. From the latest information we have received this week it seems that our process will go "as normal" from now until we get our referral (so we need to do immigration paper work/fingerprinting, finish up our dossier, get it all authenticated at the state and federal levels, send it to Ethiopia, and wait). Once the Ethiopian government receives all of our paper work they will match us with a little girl. After we receive her information we wait a few months and go to "court." We will go to court in Ethiopia (this is the process where she becomes a McKeehan!) and we will be able to meet her and spend a few hours a day with her while we are there. Then, we will return home. This is where the new changes will likely cause a delay. Currently, there are about 5-6 weeks between your court date and your embassy appointment (when you travel back to Ethiopia and she becomes a US citizen and is able to enter our country and come to live with us!). The chances are, the time frame from court to embassy will at least double ( on the fast end). Rather than focusing on that, we are so excited to be getting our home study completed and to get on with the good stuff, without worrying and focusing on the negative stuff.
We are so honored and humbled to have you journeying with us. Our hearts are often in awe over the gratitude and support so many have offered us. Above all, we are humbled and brought to our knees with arms raised high at the faithfulness of our God. He is good. He is purposed. He is Sovereign. And in this season, I am so thankful
He is tangible.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Shaping Worries into Prayers
Update:
I'm choosing Hope.
The news out of Ethiopia wasn't what we wanted. In fact, they did enforce a 90% decrease in cases heard at MOWA today. The response from our agency indicated that the Ethiopian government, as well as many other governments (including the US), are opposed to this plan and decision. The response also suggests that MOWA personnel is all new and there is a hope that the new leadership there will find a way to effectively communicate and put an end to this "looming crisis." I'm not doubting God's call, His plan, His way, or His will. I fully trust Him. I am, however, really sad. Heart-broken. Not just for what this could mean for our family ( a super long wait), but more for all the children living in Ethiopian orphanages who will soon be put on the streets from a 90% decrease in funding to orphanages. God has a heart to fight for the orphan and to make a way for them at all cost. I trust that today. I'm choosing to believe He will change the hearts and minds of those decision-makers and make this change temporary. I'm choosing Hope.
Thank you for your continued prayers. You have no idea how grateful we are for them. We are grieving, but continuing to fight for our daughter. She has never felt as far away as she does today, but I know the One who sees her, knows her, loves her, made her, and is fighting for her.
Psalm 56:8 (from the Message):
You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights,
Each tear you entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book
So grateful He fights our battles for us.
I'm choosing Hope.
Original post:
Easier said than done.
That pretty much sums up so much of our lives right now regarding adoption. Waiting. It is an innate part of the adoption journey on a million levels and knowing God's timing is perfect is always in the forefront of my mind. However, it is easier said than done. Anxiety. It, too, can be part of the process considering all of the unknowns and dependence on so many other people. Believing and claiming Philippians 4:6 (from the Message): Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.
Easier said than done.
I am trying to focus on those words, "Shape your worries into prayers." As some of you know (and others have just seen facebook posts), tomorrow is a crucial day in the vitality and future of adoptions in Ethiopia. MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) plays a large role in finalizing adoptions on the Ethiopian side of things... meaning without a MOWA letter of approval, you don't pass court, and therefore don't adopt. The MOWA office is making an announcement of some sort tomorrow (March 10) regarding rumors that starting tomorrow they are only going to hear 5 international adoption cases a day rather than the 40-50 per day they have been hearing. 90% decrease. Sigh. In an effort to decrease corruption and rampant unethical practices involved in Ethiopian adoptions recently, the government is trying to do more thorough investigations of each case. For that, I am grateful. However, there are other plans out there to decrease this corruption and increase investigations without the 90% decrease. From what I understand there is still division among the Ethiopian government as to the best approach for monitoring/investigating each case. In all reality, the orphanages and a large sector of governmental jobs would be devastated by this decrease, being unable to survive without the revenue that adoptions give. This decrease, most importantly, would leave hundreds of thousands of orphans currently living in orphanages completely homeless.
Focus on, "Shape your worries into prayers."
If you are reading this and are willing, please commit to prayer tonight and in the morning for decision-makers in Ethiopia, the government officials, and these affected children. Please pray for wisdom, discernment, and clarity for those deciding whether or not to enforce this 90% decrease in adoptions. With all my heart, I believe and know God is passionate about caring for orphans and always making a way for them. I am grateful He already knows the outcome. As I lean into Him and the truth of His sovereignty, I would love you to join me (us) in prayer.
Focus on, "Shape your worries into prayers."
I will keep you posted on what news we hear... our agency has people "on the ground" in Ethiopia at the MOWA office trying to get to the bottom of what is going on. Please pray for our family as we seek comfort in knowing He sees, He knows, He cares, He fights our battles for us. Deep Sigh. Seeking to move to a place where it isn't easier said than done. Thanks for loving on us and being supportive. We are honored and thankful to be on this road.... So, so thankful.
"Instead of worrying, pray."
I'm choosing Hope.
The news out of Ethiopia wasn't what we wanted. In fact, they did enforce a 90% decrease in cases heard at MOWA today. The response from our agency indicated that the Ethiopian government, as well as many other governments (including the US), are opposed to this plan and decision. The response also suggests that MOWA personnel is all new and there is a hope that the new leadership there will find a way to effectively communicate and put an end to this "looming crisis." I'm not doubting God's call, His plan, His way, or His will. I fully trust Him. I am, however, really sad. Heart-broken. Not just for what this could mean for our family ( a super long wait), but more for all the children living in Ethiopian orphanages who will soon be put on the streets from a 90% decrease in funding to orphanages. God has a heart to fight for the orphan and to make a way for them at all cost. I trust that today. I'm choosing to believe He will change the hearts and minds of those decision-makers and make this change temporary. I'm choosing Hope.
Thank you for your continued prayers. You have no idea how grateful we are for them. We are grieving, but continuing to fight for our daughter. She has never felt as far away as she does today, but I know the One who sees her, knows her, loves her, made her, and is fighting for her.
Psalm 56:8 (from the Message):
You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights,
Each tear you entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book
So grateful He fights our battles for us.
I'm choosing Hope.
Original post:
Easier said than done.
That pretty much sums up so much of our lives right now regarding adoption. Waiting. It is an innate part of the adoption journey on a million levels and knowing God's timing is perfect is always in the forefront of my mind. However, it is easier said than done. Anxiety. It, too, can be part of the process considering all of the unknowns and dependence on so many other people. Believing and claiming Philippians 4:6 (from the Message): Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.
Easier said than done.
I am trying to focus on those words, "Shape your worries into prayers." As some of you know (and others have just seen facebook posts), tomorrow is a crucial day in the vitality and future of adoptions in Ethiopia. MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) plays a large role in finalizing adoptions on the Ethiopian side of things... meaning without a MOWA letter of approval, you don't pass court, and therefore don't adopt. The MOWA office is making an announcement of some sort tomorrow (March 10) regarding rumors that starting tomorrow they are only going to hear 5 international adoption cases a day rather than the 40-50 per day they have been hearing. 90% decrease. Sigh. In an effort to decrease corruption and rampant unethical practices involved in Ethiopian adoptions recently, the government is trying to do more thorough investigations of each case. For that, I am grateful. However, there are other plans out there to decrease this corruption and increase investigations without the 90% decrease. From what I understand there is still division among the Ethiopian government as to the best approach for monitoring/investigating each case. In all reality, the orphanages and a large sector of governmental jobs would be devastated by this decrease, being unable to survive without the revenue that adoptions give. This decrease, most importantly, would leave hundreds of thousands of orphans currently living in orphanages completely homeless.
Focus on, "Shape your worries into prayers."
If you are reading this and are willing, please commit to prayer tonight and in the morning for decision-makers in Ethiopia, the government officials, and these affected children. Please pray for wisdom, discernment, and clarity for those deciding whether or not to enforce this 90% decrease in adoptions. With all my heart, I believe and know God is passionate about caring for orphans and always making a way for them. I am grateful He already knows the outcome. As I lean into Him and the truth of His sovereignty, I would love you to join me (us) in prayer.
Focus on, "Shape your worries into prayers."
I will keep you posted on what news we hear... our agency has people "on the ground" in Ethiopia at the MOWA office trying to get to the bottom of what is going on. Please pray for our family as we seek comfort in knowing He sees, He knows, He cares, He fights our battles for us. Deep Sigh. Seeking to move to a place where it isn't easier said than done. Thanks for loving on us and being supportive. We are honored and thankful to be on this road.... So, so thankful.
"Instead of worrying, pray."
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
"Loose" change?
AMAZED.
When we set out on this journey we had no idea what God was going to do, who He was going to use, or the ways He would grow us to trust Him more. While volunteering at Passion 2011 we met a new, dear friend, Meredyth. She has become a special part of our family since P2011, spending every other weekend at our house away from her home in Lexington, KY. The first weekend Meredyth came to visit Mark was in Israel so we had a fun, girly weekend. During that weekend she helped me so much with the kids and we just spent time getting to know her and her getting to know us. Along the way I was talking to her about our adoption and how Brycen and Regan have been so involved and eager to talk about their sister often. In that conversation I told Meredyth the story about Regan and the little boy in class who took back his $1 that she was so eager to put in the adoption jar (you can read the full story in the post titled, "Sunny Side-Up"). I didn't give the conversation much thought afterwards, but sweet Meredyth did.
This past weekend Meredyth was supposed to come in on Friday and circumstances happened that made her trip delayed. Before the weekend plans changed, however, Meredyth had shared with me that she had a surprise to tell me and that she had to tell me in person. Needless to say, I couldn't wait for her to get here... not just for the surprise, of course, but I DO love a (good) surprise! When we didn't think she was going to be able to come she was upset about having to wait two more weeks to tell me her good news. So, I suggested she send me a video text (ahem, yes, I love technology), so technically she WAS telling me herself. When I hit play I had no idea what was waiting. It was Meredyth explaining that the story of Regan being upset about that one dollar not being able to go into the jar moved her... much like it had the person who turned that one "lost" dollar into $102 in loose change. So, Meredyth went back to Kentucky and spoke to a few friends about it. She then turned her phone to video four glass jars full of loose change from people we don't even know all for our adoption jar. Tears streaming. The amount didn't matter so much to me. The mere thought of others, who have never met us, sacrificing and offering their loose change to us was overwhelming. It was as if God used these strangers to speak into me His provision, faithfulness, and (again) His ability to provide for us in the unlikeliest of places. Here are the jars at our house:
I haven't finished counting it, but almost! So far I am up to $322 and I still have one jar to count! Just by giving away "loose" change. As I began praying blessing on those who had thought so much about our little girl God really spoke to me. It was as if He was saying, "It isn't just loose change, Carrie. It is tightly tied to the heart of a little girl they don't even know." Yes, yes it is, so it isn't just "loose" change anymore. It IS tied tightly to the heart of our daughter living half way around the world. Words will never be enough to say "thank you." Praying as we go about our lives we won't just see our change, but we will see LIFE CHANGE. So little, yet so much. Loose change? I don't think so. Grateful beyond words, blessed beyond measure, humbled to my knees.
When we set out on this journey we had no idea what God was going to do, who He was going to use, or the ways He would grow us to trust Him more. While volunteering at Passion 2011 we met a new, dear friend, Meredyth. She has become a special part of our family since P2011, spending every other weekend at our house away from her home in Lexington, KY. The first weekend Meredyth came to visit Mark was in Israel so we had a fun, girly weekend. During that weekend she helped me so much with the kids and we just spent time getting to know her and her getting to know us. Along the way I was talking to her about our adoption and how Brycen and Regan have been so involved and eager to talk about their sister often. In that conversation I told Meredyth the story about Regan and the little boy in class who took back his $1 that she was so eager to put in the adoption jar (you can read the full story in the post titled, "Sunny Side-Up"). I didn't give the conversation much thought afterwards, but sweet Meredyth did.
This past weekend Meredyth was supposed to come in on Friday and circumstances happened that made her trip delayed. Before the weekend plans changed, however, Meredyth had shared with me that she had a surprise to tell me and that she had to tell me in person. Needless to say, I couldn't wait for her to get here... not just for the surprise, of course, but I DO love a (good) surprise! When we didn't think she was going to be able to come she was upset about having to wait two more weeks to tell me her good news. So, I suggested she send me a video text (ahem, yes, I love technology), so technically she WAS telling me herself. When I hit play I had no idea what was waiting. It was Meredyth explaining that the story of Regan being upset about that one dollar not being able to go into the jar moved her... much like it had the person who turned that one "lost" dollar into $102 in loose change. So, Meredyth went back to Kentucky and spoke to a few friends about it. She then turned her phone to video four glass jars full of loose change from people we don't even know all for our adoption jar. Tears streaming. The amount didn't matter so much to me. The mere thought of others, who have never met us, sacrificing and offering their loose change to us was overwhelming. It was as if God used these strangers to speak into me His provision, faithfulness, and (again) His ability to provide for us in the unlikeliest of places. Here are the jars at our house:
I haven't finished counting it, but almost! So far I am up to $322 and I still have one jar to count! Just by giving away "loose" change. As I began praying blessing on those who had thought so much about our little girl God really spoke to me. It was as if He was saying, "It isn't just loose change, Carrie. It is tightly tied to the heart of a little girl they don't even know." Yes, yes it is, so it isn't just "loose" change anymore. It IS tied tightly to the heart of our daughter living half way around the world. Words will never be enough to say "thank you." Praying as we go about our lives we won't just see our change, but we will see LIFE CHANGE. So little, yet so much. Loose change? I don't think so. Grateful beyond words, blessed beyond measure, humbled to my knees.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Clearing the Cobwebs
Shew!
We have had a busy few weeks, but I wanted to do a post to catch everyone up on what's been going on. So, this post will be a bit different... trying to, well, you know, clear the cobwebs in my brain. I have had so much on my mind and things to share, I figured I would just do one post and get it all cleared up!
First, last week Mark arrived safely back home from Israel where he spent ten days touring the Holy Land. The trip was such a sweet gift from our church, Chilhowee Hills. We missed him terribly, but we were thrilled at the opportunity for him to be able to see scripture really come to life. Before heading to the airport to pick Mark up last Thursday the little boys and I needed to make one short, IMPORTANT stop. Adoption Agency. Arm full of paperwork. It felt so good to walk in with so many papers completed. It was a huge step for us and we are going to be able to start our homestudy in just a few short weeks. If you would, we would love to have you join us in praying that our homestudy can start at the end of February. This is the earliest it could get started, but we know the One who makes all things possible!
This week was our "go-get-medical-exams-and blood draws-and-check-ups-for-adoption" week! Aren't you glad you asked? Ahem. Anyway. I had a physical on Monday (I love when everything checks out well!), Brycen and Regan had well visits Wednesday, Corbin and Hudson went yesterday (4 immunizations, 2 flu shots, a blood draw, a finger stick, and 2 hours later we left!), and Mark will round us out today by having his physical. Yes, our insurance company loves us. But, again, it feels good to be getting so much done. We are trying to stay on top of what we can get done because so much of this process is out of our hands. There will be enough waiting without dragging it out ourselves. Or at least that's our philosophy!
During all the snow Brycen and Regan had a fun craft project! In December Regan's first grade class made "passports" and then "traveled" to different rooms through the week. Each room represented a different country. While the students visited the different "countries" they learned about Christmas traditions, foods, and crafts from those places. Regan was all smiles after "visiting" Africa. One of the crafts was a bracelet with different colored beads on it. When she was telling us about the bracelet an idea was born for Brycen and Regan to make leather strapped bracelets with a red, a green, and a yellow bead on them (the colors of Ethiopia). These bracelets could be used as reminders for us to pray for our sweet Ethiopian daughter/sister. So, we took advantage of a snow day and cut leather, tied knots, strung beads, and made bracelets. We have different sizes. If any of you are interested in a prayer bracelet, please inbox me on facebook or send me a private message to carriemckeehan@gmail.com All members (except Hudson) of our family are wearing the bracelets. I know some of you have noticed and mentioned it. We are committed to wearing them until our daughter comes into our forever family!
Lastly, God has opened me up to an entirely new part of my adoption in Christ this week. I would love to share with you a bit about what I am reading and how it confirms for me all the more what great love Christ has for us and how amazed I am that He chose to adopt us into His family. In our adoption reading we are having to read (and read by choice!) many books about raising a transracial family, dealing with language and cultural barriers, and helping a child adjust who likely will have attachment issues. Attachment issues. At first thought I couldn't seem to relate. Then, I started sensing God was wanting me to move past my pride and arrogance. Attachment issues arise because we remove a young child from everything familiar to her. We lavish on her love when she has never known (often times) how to successfully attach to anyone. Quite often she has had to learn to fend for herself and not to others for comfort, meeting needs, or security. This can be challenging as parents try to gain trust, offer safe physical contact, and learn to appropriately/effectively discipline. So often in adoption we, in our ignorance, are prone to thoughts about how grateful and "lucky" these children are who are adopted out of oppression into homes and families of provision, love, and opportunity. The truth is, we are removing her from all that is familiar, all she's known, all that makes sense to her. As I was talking with Brycen and Regan about what it would be like if we could no longer be their family, they were adopted by a family living in Ethiopia, had to learn to speak Amharic, eat injera, and learn to live like Ethiopians. With wide-eyes we talked about how different life here will be for their sister. Better, from our perspective, and perhaps from her perspective once she knows and loves us. But at first we can see how scary, hard, and frustrating it must be. No doubt she will be afforded opportunities here that she wouldn't have otherwise, but then it occurred to me: the familiar is so comfortable to us. Even if it doesn't compare to the opportunities of something new. Then, the Holy Spirit intervened, "Carrie, it's just like when you came to me. It's easy to stay with what's familiar, even though abundant life is waiting." Breath. Take it in. In our lives as we journey with Christ things can seem scary, hard, and frustrating. So much so that often we just want to go back to what is familiar and comfortable. Our lives of sin or living with little regard for Jesus and His sacrifice for us was what we knew. Turning our lives over to the unknown, the unfamiliar can be tough even with the promises of provision, love, and opportunity beyond our wildest imaginations. Our adoptions in Christ are so tangible to me right now. He is the One that is constantly pursuing us, forgiving us, and loving us in an effort to ease our transition from the old "us" to the new "us." He is the One facilitating and making a way for us to overcome our attachment issues. When we want to turn and go back to the familiar He is there whispering His promises of abundant life, protection, and steadfastness over us. As you go through your day, I am praying you will begin to see how we, too, have difficulty trusting sometimes, moving on with our "new life" in Christ, and our tendencies to want to escape to what is familiar, even if it isn't what is best for us. Also praying for you as you learn to trust Him with your attachment issues. I am journeying with you on this one... learning to lean into the One who fought for, pursued, and died to make us part of His family in order to that we can fully attach to Him, dependent on His provision, love, and opportunity.
Thanks for journeying with us. And for letting me clear the cobwebs.
We have had a busy few weeks, but I wanted to do a post to catch everyone up on what's been going on. So, this post will be a bit different... trying to, well, you know, clear the cobwebs in my brain. I have had so much on my mind and things to share, I figured I would just do one post and get it all cleared up!
First, last week Mark arrived safely back home from Israel where he spent ten days touring the Holy Land. The trip was such a sweet gift from our church, Chilhowee Hills. We missed him terribly, but we were thrilled at the opportunity for him to be able to see scripture really come to life. Before heading to the airport to pick Mark up last Thursday the little boys and I needed to make one short, IMPORTANT stop. Adoption Agency. Arm full of paperwork. It felt so good to walk in with so many papers completed. It was a huge step for us and we are going to be able to start our homestudy in just a few short weeks. If you would, we would love to have you join us in praying that our homestudy can start at the end of February. This is the earliest it could get started, but we know the One who makes all things possible!
This week was our "go-get-medical-exams-and blood draws-and-check-ups-for-adoption" week! Aren't you glad you asked? Ahem. Anyway. I had a physical on Monday (I love when everything checks out well!), Brycen and Regan had well visits Wednesday, Corbin and Hudson went yesterday (4 immunizations, 2 flu shots, a blood draw, a finger stick, and 2 hours later we left!), and Mark will round us out today by having his physical. Yes, our insurance company loves us. But, again, it feels good to be getting so much done. We are trying to stay on top of what we can get done because so much of this process is out of our hands. There will be enough waiting without dragging it out ourselves. Or at least that's our philosophy!
During all the snow Brycen and Regan had a fun craft project! In December Regan's first grade class made "passports" and then "traveled" to different rooms through the week. Each room represented a different country. While the students visited the different "countries" they learned about Christmas traditions, foods, and crafts from those places. Regan was all smiles after "visiting" Africa. One of the crafts was a bracelet with different colored beads on it. When she was telling us about the bracelet an idea was born for Brycen and Regan to make leather strapped bracelets with a red, a green, and a yellow bead on them (the colors of Ethiopia). These bracelets could be used as reminders for us to pray for our sweet Ethiopian daughter/sister. So, we took advantage of a snow day and cut leather, tied knots, strung beads, and made bracelets. We have different sizes. If any of you are interested in a prayer bracelet, please inbox me on facebook or send me a private message to carriemckeehan@gmail.com All members (except Hudson) of our family are wearing the bracelets. I know some of you have noticed and mentioned it. We are committed to wearing them until our daughter comes into our forever family!
Lastly, God has opened me up to an entirely new part of my adoption in Christ this week. I would love to share with you a bit about what I am reading and how it confirms for me all the more what great love Christ has for us and how amazed I am that He chose to adopt us into His family. In our adoption reading we are having to read (and read by choice!) many books about raising a transracial family, dealing with language and cultural barriers, and helping a child adjust who likely will have attachment issues. Attachment issues. At first thought I couldn't seem to relate. Then, I started sensing God was wanting me to move past my pride and arrogance. Attachment issues arise because we remove a young child from everything familiar to her. We lavish on her love when she has never known (often times) how to successfully attach to anyone. Quite often she has had to learn to fend for herself and not to others for comfort, meeting needs, or security. This can be challenging as parents try to gain trust, offer safe physical contact, and learn to appropriately/effectively discipline. So often in adoption we, in our ignorance, are prone to thoughts about how grateful and "lucky" these children are who are adopted out of oppression into homes and families of provision, love, and opportunity. The truth is, we are removing her from all that is familiar, all she's known, all that makes sense to her. As I was talking with Brycen and Regan about what it would be like if we could no longer be their family, they were adopted by a family living in Ethiopia, had to learn to speak Amharic, eat injera, and learn to live like Ethiopians. With wide-eyes we talked about how different life here will be for their sister. Better, from our perspective, and perhaps from her perspective once she knows and loves us. But at first we can see how scary, hard, and frustrating it must be. No doubt she will be afforded opportunities here that she wouldn't have otherwise, but then it occurred to me: the familiar is so comfortable to us. Even if it doesn't compare to the opportunities of something new. Then, the Holy Spirit intervened, "Carrie, it's just like when you came to me. It's easy to stay with what's familiar, even though abundant life is waiting." Breath. Take it in. In our lives as we journey with Christ things can seem scary, hard, and frustrating. So much so that often we just want to go back to what is familiar and comfortable. Our lives of sin or living with little regard for Jesus and His sacrifice for us was what we knew. Turning our lives over to the unknown, the unfamiliar can be tough even with the promises of provision, love, and opportunity beyond our wildest imaginations. Our adoptions in Christ are so tangible to me right now. He is the One that is constantly pursuing us, forgiving us, and loving us in an effort to ease our transition from the old "us" to the new "us." He is the One facilitating and making a way for us to overcome our attachment issues. When we want to turn and go back to the familiar He is there whispering His promises of abundant life, protection, and steadfastness over us. As you go through your day, I am praying you will begin to see how we, too, have difficulty trusting sometimes, moving on with our "new life" in Christ, and our tendencies to want to escape to what is familiar, even if it isn't what is best for us. Also praying for you as you learn to trust Him with your attachment issues. I am journeying with you on this one... learning to lean into the One who fought for, pursued, and died to make us part of His family in order to that we can fully attach to Him, dependent on His provision, love, and opportunity.
Thanks for journeying with us. And for letting me clear the cobwebs.
Monday, January 10, 2011
365 days.
365 days.
So long, yet so short. This time last year our family was battling fevers, illness, and GI bugs. Little did we know that our sweet Hudson would be hospitalized in one week for four days, battling a tough case of RSV. We felt overwhelmed in the midst of it that we were battling the enemy full-force. We had just returned from Passion Twenty-Ten where our lives had been changed as we served the 20,000 college students attending. Our hearts and minds were under attack and as a result, so was our health. It. was. stressful. We had over 25 days of someone having a fever in our home.
So long, yet so short. It doesn't take much to put me back in those days, how I was feeling, what I was thinking, and how I was changing. Yet, it also feels so long ago. So much has changed, so much is new, so much is different. Today we are all healthy and strong, enjoying a fun snow day at home. Mark is off to Israel and the kids and I are in full force... still wearing our PJ's, talking about playing games in a few minutes and making us some hot chocolate. It just feels so, so....different. Not just physically, but WHO we are. The conversations I have with the kids over the hot chocolate are focused on silliness, playing in the snow, and Regan's newly made-up game show she's hosting in the play room. Just as quickly, the focus changes. Brycen is a contestant on Regan's game show, perfectly named "Guess What?". He is, of course, winning and winning big. Regan, as the game show host, asks Brycen what he plans to do with the load of cash ("forty hundred thousand dollars" as I recall) he is about to win. He, in all seriousness replies, "Well, I am using it to pay for my family's adoption." Regan, playing along, asked, "Why are you adopting and from where?" Brycen, "We are adopting me a new sister from Ethiopia. And why? Well, it just seems easy to me, so I don't know why people keep asking. But, we are adopting because we want a new sister and she needs a family. See? It just works."
365 days.
I wish I could magically go back in time and play this game last year to hear his response. Something in me tells me it would be so different. I love how God has begun something big in them. He has continued to put words and simplicity to us amid all the complicated politics through them. As we have been talking about adoption, their sister, challenges that will inevitably arise after she comes home, and our responses to others, I have been reading a lot about how to foster healthy transitions for all of us. In the reading I have come face to face with the reality of adoption loss in a fresh new way. The idea that our joy, our addition, our new life, our new family, our answer to prayer is someone else's great loss, source of deep grieving, product of tragedy or oppression, and worst nightmare. In those conflicting worlds rests a little girl caught in the middle of grief and searing pain as well as new-found love and family. It's a lot to take in. It's a lot to wrestle with and pray through. Yet, I think back over the last year and I am confident in God's sufficiency.... His ability to be right there in the middle where pain and joy meet. His capacity to bring beauty from ashes is overwhelming, though I have seen that process isn't always easy, it IS always beautiful. My heart and mind are preoccupied today with thoughts about the past year for us and what changes it has brought. For some reason, I can't separate that from the last 365 days for our daughter's family. Even if her "family" is an orphanage and caregivers. Somewhere today lives a little girl who has had her own "last 365 day journey" and I don't know how her last year coincides with ours, but I know it does. I know God is crafting her for us and us for her. I know that the next 365 days will somehow merge those worlds... even if only on the basis of identity and putting faces with names. In it all, I am confident that though our family will have it's own unique hurdles and struggles, it, too, will have it's own unique beauty. "See? It just works."
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Christmas in the waiting...
Sigh.
Hard. Day.
Christmas was tough for me... and though Mark and I didn't want to be a downer on Christmas, I think it was hard on us both. It was as if one could tangibly feel that someone was missing. All morning the kids played (loudly) and we had our traditional big breakfast. As always Thomas had spent the night with us and enjoyed our festive Christmas morning. It all felt so "normal" while feeling so different at the same time. I fought back tears repeatedly and even had to break away a time or two to just cry. It hurts. Christmas in the waiting.
I am still desperately longing to have the balance figured out of living to give and still not second-guessing every purchase. I was thrilled with how "little" the kids got, yet how genuinely excited they were with their Christmas morning. Yet, in all the fun I was remembering how blessed we are, not wanting to miss it for a second... not wanting to forget that our day was full of what over 90% of the world only dream of... plenty of food, Christmas feast (after a huge breakfast), toys, and above all... each other. Family. Break away for tears...again.
It was a great day, don't get me wrong. It was, actually, one of the best Christmases I can remember. This year was full of talking about why Jesus came to begin with all those years ago. Not thinking of Himself or what would be easiest, He came in order to selflessly give. In that, Christmas should be about selflessly giving, not thinking about ourselves, what we want, or what is easiest. All of that really hit me Christmas morning- that He would love me enough to come into this hard, cold, deceitful world in order to ultimately adopt me from it. Amazing.
Fast forward to today... We had our "Christmas" with my sister, her family, my parents, and my grandparents today. It was organized chaos and we wouldn't have it any other way! With ten kids between us (the oldest is 15) it was fun, full of wrapping paper, and a total blast. We were able to celebrate Tia and Garrett's first Christmas in our family and in the US (they are our 6 year old niece and nephew adopted from Ethiopia earlier this year). Sheer fun. Then after most all the gifts were open and each of the granddaughters had opened a soft, cloth doll from Grammie, Mom told me there was one more gift in a hidden bag. She wanted Regan to open it. When she handed it to Regan, Mom said, "Regan, this is for your sister." Tears. Regan pulled out a "brown" doll that matched her own "white" doll. Perfect. In an instant, it made our daughter there with us, celebrated, not forgotten or overlooked. It immediately made it "okay" for me to be grieving that she wasn't home with us, but that we can love on her in the waiting.
So, in the waiting her doll has a new home (and soon so will she!) right here:
Tonight as I snapped the pictures of the doll and Regan I sat on the bed with Regan to chat. We looked through Christmas pictures and videos. She sat up and said, "Video me." I laughed because she is always a star looking for a rolling camera! She said, "No! Really... I have something to say to people." I, again, laughed, thinking she might break out into dancing, singing, or telling some kind of story. But, rather when the red-light flashed she immediately explained about the dolls and how she can't wait to teach her sister English, to have fun with her, and that other people should adopt children because then, more children would have families. She ended her video looking straight into the camera saying, "Thank you." As if she knew others would hear her plea and readily accept. I sure hope so! I will try to figure this blogger thing out and upload the video. As of now, no luck!
So, I am learning to be in the journey, not just on the journey. To be teachable, moldable, and moved by God's compassion on me, on us, as His chosen creation is part of this process. I don't want to miss Him showing me HIM in all the dates, paperwork, finances, letters, signatures, and appointments. He is so faithful to remind me He is seeing and knowing every detail, every tear, and every fear....even through our Christmas in the waiting.
Tonight as I snapped the pictures of the doll and Regan I sat on the bed with Regan to chat. We looked through Christmas pictures and videos. She sat up and said, "Video me." I laughed because she is always a star looking for a rolling camera! She said, "No! Really... I have something to say to people." I, again, laughed, thinking she might break out into dancing, singing, or telling some kind of story. But, rather when the red-light flashed she immediately explained about the dolls and how she can't wait to teach her sister English, to have fun with her, and that other people should adopt children because then, more children would have families. She ended her video looking straight into the camera saying, "Thank you." As if she knew others would hear her plea and readily accept. I sure hope so! I will try to figure this blogger thing out and upload the video. As of now, no luck!
So, I am learning to be in the journey, not just on the journey. To be teachable, moldable, and moved by God's compassion on me, on us, as His chosen creation is part of this process. I don't want to miss Him showing me HIM in all the dates, paperwork, finances, letters, signatures, and appointments. He is so faithful to remind me He is seeing and knowing every detail, every tear, and every fear....even through our Christmas in the waiting.
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